『When the Need to Control Controls You: How to Break the Cycle, Reclaim Agency, & Find What's Yours to Do [293]』のカバーアート

When the Need to Control Controls You: How to Break the Cycle, Reclaim Agency, & Find What's Yours to Do [293]

When the Need to Control Controls You: How to Break the Cycle, Reclaim Agency, & Find What's Yours to Do [293]

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概要
 We're wired to seek control, but that drive often misfires, leaving us more anxious and exhausted than before. In this episode, we dig into the illusion of control and the much more useful concept of identifying things like agency and autonomy. We'll dive into the obstacles and key strategies to redirect energy away from what we can't control and toward what's actually ours to do. Head to the Experiment to practice this shift — and find a little more of what Thich Nhat Hanh calls the only condition for happiness: freedom. Ready to take action? Learn more about Experiments here. Related Episodes: This series: E289- What Are You Holding On To? The Science & Skill of Letting GoE290- Letting Go of Intrusive Thoughts & Rumination: The Pink Elephant Paradox, The Whac-A-Mole Problem, & Skills That Actually HelpE291- Letting Go of the Stories You Tell Yourself: Is It True? Is It Helpful? Is It Kind?E292- Letting Go of the Need for Closure: Why Life's Biggest Problems Can Only Be Outgrown About: The Joy Lab Podcast is an Ambie-nominated podcast that blends science and soul to help you cope better with stress, anxiety, and depression. It's hosted by integrative psychiatrist Dr. Henry Emmons and holistic mental health researcher Dr. Aimee Prasek. Bonus: spread some joy and keep this podcast ad-free by donating. Joy Lab is powered by the nonprofit Pathways North. Questions this episode was made for: Q: Why do I feel such a strong need to control everything, even when I know I can't? A: This episode explains the brain science behind it: our brains are prediction machines wired to seek control as a survival strategy, and that drive can misfire in modern life. There are a lot of low-level stressors we face on a daily basis. If we are trying to "fix" them all, we can get stuck in a cycle that can turn into anxiety, rigidity, and exhaustion. Q: How do I let go of control without feeling helpless or irresponsible? A: This episode draws a key distinction between control (an illusion) and agency (real influence over your own actions, choices, and responses). We can work to identify the situation more accurately and then ask "what's mine to do?" or "what depends on me?" These questions can determine where to put your energy and where you can loosen your grip. Full transcript Key moments: [00:00] Welcome — letting go of control [02:00] The illusion of control [06:00] Why we're wired for control & how it can backfire into things like anxiety, rigidity [08:00] Agency vs. control [10:00] Practicing letting go with the small stuff [12:00] The control spectrum [16:00] What's within our power vs. what isn't. "What is dependent on me?" Epictetus, Stephen Covey [20:00] Control is an illusion; autonomy is real. "What's mine to do?" [22:00] Loosening the grip of control frees us from unfair burdens Sources and Notes for Our Element of Letting Go: Alloy & Abramson. (1979). Judgment of contingency in depressed and nondepressed students: Sadder but wiser? 10.1037//0096-3445.108.4.441Botvinick & Cohen. (1998). Rubber hands "feel" touch that eyes see. doi.org/10.1038/35784Clark & Radomsky (2014). Introduction: A global perspective on unwanted intrusive thoughts. 10.1016/j.jocrd.2014.02.001Damasio, A. R. (1994). Descartes' error: Emotion, reason, and the human brain. G. P. Putnam's Sons.de Mello, A. (1990). Awareness. Doubleday.Epictetus. (2014). Discourses, fragments, handbook (R. Hard, Trans.). Oxford University Press. Feldman, et al. (2023). Interoceptive ability moderates the effect of physiological reactivity on social judgment. 10.1037/emo0001210 Freud, S. (1957). Mourning and melancholia. In J. Strachey (Ed. & Trans.), The standard edition of the complete psychological works of Sigmund Freud (Vol. 14, pp. 243–258). Hogarth Press. (Original work published 1917)Gottlieb, L. (2019). Maybe you should talk to someone: A therapist, her therapist, and our lives revealed. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.Jung, C. G. (1962). Commentary. In R. Wilhelm (Trans.), The secret of the golden flower: A Chinese book of life (C. F. Baynes, Trans.; Rev. ed.). Harcourt, Brace & World. (Original work published 1929)Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. L. (Eds.). (1996). Continuing bonds: New understandings of grief. Taylor & Francis.Kübler-Ross, E. (1969). On death and dying. Macmillan.Langer, E. J. (1975). The illusion of control. doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.32.2.311 Langer, E. J. (2009). Counterclockwise. Ballantine Books. Luo, M. (2004, February 27). For exercise in New York futility, push button. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2004/02/27/nyregion/for-exercise-in-new-york-futility-push-button.html MacCormack & Lindquis (2019). Feeling hangry? When hunger is conceptualized as emotion. 10.1037/emo0000422 Mauss, et al. (2011). Can seeking happiness make people unhappy? Paradoxical effects of valuing happiness. doi.org/10.1037/a0022010 Morewedge, et al. (2010). Consuming ...
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