Hey! I'd love to hear your thoughts, send me a voice note.

What happens when you change… and the relationships around you don’t?

We talk a lot about healing, growth, finding our power, changing our patterns and remembering who we are.

But we don't talk nearly enough about what happens when we actually do.

Because transformation doesn't happen in isolation. We change inside relationships—and when our identity changes, the way we participate in those relationships changes too.

And sometimes we realize something we can no longer unsee:

In this episode of Fear It Goes, Brandi explores different parts of identity work: recognizing that a relationship can contain love, history and goodness and still no longer fit the person you're becoming. How our nervous systems become familiar with relational patterns. We learn the rules, the roles and the choreography.

• Why familiar relationship patterns can feel safe to the nervous system, even when they no longer fit
• What happens to a relationship when one person's identity begins to change
• The difference between compassion and self-abandonment
• Why understanding someone's patterns doesn't obligate you to live inside them
• Why you don't need someone else to be wrong choose differently
• The difference between expansive discomfort and abandonment discomfort

This isn't about becoming more evolved than someone else or deciding they're wrong because they've chosen differently.

Transformation doesn't give you authority over someone else's evolution. It gives you responsibility for your own participation.

That's where standards, boundaries, capacity and identity finally come together.

Episode 79 brings the identity journey of Season 5 almost full circle and sets up the season finale with BJ Slager:

What does it actually mean to live as yourself?

Reflection

Ask yourself:

If I met this relationship today, as the person I am now, would I choose it?

Connect with us: If this episode made you recognize something in yourself, explore more of Fear It Goes and Brandi's work at fearitgoes.com.