『When Kids Make Mistakes — Repair, Not Shame』のカバーアート

When Kids Make Mistakes — Repair, Not Shame

When Kids Make Mistakes — Repair, Not Shame

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A Note Before You ListenThis conversation reflects on children being labelled, excluded or shamed at school — and for some listeners, that may bring back memories of their own schooling, or worries for their children. We hold this conversation with care. Please listen gently, and take whatever time you need. Support services are listed at the end of these notes.Episode OverviewWhat happens when a child does something harmful at a restorative school? In this snippet of our Walking Together series, Naomi Greaves and Narelle sit with a fear many parents and carers know well — the fear of a child being labelled, pushed out, or made to feel worthless because of their behaviour — and offer a different way of seeing.Naomi explains something simple and profound: when a child’s nervous system is triggered, they cannot learn — and shame is one of the biggest triggers of all. Behaviour, she reminds us, is communication: a child saying “I can’t right now.” From there, she describes what repair really looks like — the proactive groundwork, the calm that must come before the conversation, and accountability without humiliation. Because it is entirely possible for a child to learn to do better without feeling the sting of punishment — and parents belong in that work as partners, never as the ones to blame.In This Snippet• Why shame shuts down learning — when nervous systems are triggered, learning shuts down; shame is one of the biggest triggers of all• Behaviour is communication — “I can’t right now” — hearing what a child’s behaviour is really saying• Teaching, not expecting — expecting kids to do better never works; taking the time to teach them to do better does• The timing of repair — calm and safety first, then the conversation about another way — repair cannot happen in the heat of the moment• Accountability with dignity — accountability without humiliation, shame or punishment is possible, despite everything we were raised to believe• Parents as partners, not the problem — moving from blaming parents to working alongside them, in spaces where they feel neither judged nor blamedA Question to Sit WithEach snippet in this series offers one gentle question. There is no right answer, and no rush.“Think of a time when you, or your child, made a mistake. What would have helped repair the situation, rather than simply punish it?”Quotable Moments“If our nervous systems are triggered, we’re not learning anything — and shame is one of the biggest triggers. That feeling of shame just shuts everything down.”— Naomi Greaves“So often behaviour is a communication, and it’s a communication that’s saying, “I can’t right now. I can’t do what you need of me right now.””— Naomi Greaves“Just expecting kids to do better is never going to work. Being able to take the time to teach them to do better is what’s important.”— Naomi Greaves“Despite what we’ve learnt our entire lives, there is a place for accountability without humiliation and shame, and without punishment.”— Naomi Greaves“It is entirely possible for a kid to learn to do better without having to feel the sting of punishment.”— Naomi Greaves“All too often we put blame onto the parents, or put responsibility back onto the parents to change kids’ behaviours — where really, we should be partners in this.”— Naomi Greaves“There was always a reason for behaviour — and it may not have anything to do with the situation where the behaviour happens.”— Narelle LemonQuotes have been lightly edited for clarity while preserving the speaker’s meaning and voice.About Naomi GreavesNaomi Greaves is a proud Torres Strait Islander woman and school principal. Her leadership is grounded in compassion, restorative practice and a deep commitment to walking alongside families and community. Through her own education journey — and the discovery of her own neurodiversity and that of her children — Naomi has become a passionate advocate for inclusivity in schools and for the rights of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples. She leads with the belief that trust is earned through truth-telling, reciprocity and genuine relationship.About the Walking Together SeriesWalking Together is a series of She Snippets — short, honest reflections created in partnership between She Speaks and Naomi Greaves. Across the series, Naomi and Narelle explore restorative practice, rebuilding trust between families and schools, cultural safety, and what it means to be partners rather than problems. The series begins with validation: your caution makes sense, and you deserve to be seen and believed. From there, each snippet gently opens a door to what could be different.If This Conversation Brings Things Up for You• 13YARN — 13 92 76 (24/7) — crisis support run by Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, for Aboriginal and Torres Strait ...
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