We have more language for healthy communication, boundaries, and emotions than ever before. So why can our relationships still leave us feeling so disconnected?

Dr. Lee Long believes part of the problem may be where we put our attention. When a conversation becomes difficult, we often focus on finding the right words to get the other person to understand, respond differently, or change. We may genuinely believe we’re trying to communicate better, without realizing how much energy we’re putting into managing the outcome.

Dr. J.J. Peterson and Lee explore what changes when we bring some of that attention back to ourselves. They talk about the difference between influence and control, the stories we create when we assume we know what someone else is thinking, and why anxiety can make it difficult to recognize what we’re actually feeling.

Lee also shares a simple question that can interrupt those patterns: Where am I in this? Because understanding where you are doesn’t mean avoiding the difficult conversation. It can help you decide how you want to show up in it.

• Why trying harder to communicate doesn’t always create more connection
• When communication can quietly become an attempt to control the outcome
• The difference between influence and control
• How mind reading and old patterns contribute to conflict and disconnection
• What anxiety and other emotions may be trying to tell us
• How “Where am I in this?” can help us choose what to do next

Follow Dr. Lee Long on social media: @dr.leelong

Learn more about Lee, his book Wait! Where Am I in This?, his podcast, and his work at drleelong.com.

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