On the third night of a solo trip last summer I caught myself talking out loud. Not to anybody — there was nobody within probably fifteen miles of me. I was cooking over a small fire and realized I'd been narrating it, out loud, to the fire, to the pot, to no one. Then I stopped and listened to how quiet it was, and noticed I wasn't embarrassed. There was nobody there to be embarrassed in front of. That's a stranger feeling than it sounds like the first time you really notice it. This is what being alone actually does to your head, and it runs in stages that are pretty reliable. Day one you're not alone yet — your head is still crowded with everybody, composing messages you can't send, rehearsing arguments with people who aren't there. Day two the reaching slows. And somewhere in day three the performing stops, including the low constant performance most of us run even by ourselves. That's when the conversations you've been avoiding start. I'll tell you about four days in the Wallowas where I admitted something by a cold lake that I'd been dressing up for months. Solitude also hands you the bill sometimes, and there's nowhere to go with it out there — but the discomfort is the same thing as the clarity. It's just the part you didn't ask for. Chapters: (00:00) Talking out loud to nobody (01:09) Day one: your head is still crowded (01:40) Day two: the loop quiets (02:05) Chores as meditation (03:03) Day three: the performing stops (04:20) Four days in the Wallowas (05:57) Why distance makes you like people more (07:26) Sometimes it hands you the bill (08:16) Driving back into the noise Full episode notes and transcript: https://milesofquiet.com/episodes/what-solo-travel-does-to-your-brain/ This episode is sponsored by OffroadGearPro: https://milesofquiet.com/offroad