UC Santa Barbara head swim coach Jax Rosen joins Jill for the latest episode of What She Taught Me, our series of honest conversations about how our mothers shaped us.

Jax grew up in San Francisco as a synchronized swimmer. She walked onto her college swim team, got six months to prove herself, earned a scholarship, and fell in love with a sport where "the time is yours." That love took her from coaching high school to Division I programs across the country, and now into her sixth year leading the UCSB men's and women's teams.

Jax talks about: a mom who never stayed in bed, and what that taught her about showing up; learning to do her own laundry, and how independence was her mom's way of asking for help; growing up surrounded by family friends who became aunts, uncles and cousins; why talking to strangers became her edge as a recruiter; what her mom carried quietly to keep the family feeling safe; choosing a partner who understands her feelings instead of dismissing them; and what she unlearned: saying out loud what she wants and needs.

If your mother was your champion, your challenger, or somewhere in between, this one will stay with you.

More about Jax:

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Jump to:

00:00 Welcome to What She Taught Me

01:09 From synchro to swimming: how Jax built her coaching career

02:38 "You got to go": a mom who always showed up

04:00 Kindness to strangers and an early sense of perspective

05:09 Pink laundry and learning independence

06:44 The village: family friends who became family

07:07 Where Jax sees her mom in herself (yes, including retelling stories)

08:25 What her mom carried that no one acknowledged

10:15 Siblings, inside jokes and "whatever the swimmer wants"

11:43 What Jax chose to do differently in love and marriage

14:55 What she unlearned: saying what you want

15:57 Closing