There’s confusion about what I lean into for the love Sharon and I share. Is it Neville Goddard, the law of attraction, the law of assumption, or some other spiritual or manifestation technique? I’ve explored all of that and more—Bob Proctor, Tony Robbins, NLP, chants, mantras, religion. If any of those approaches work for you, keep doing them. For me, something else became far more important: getting honest about who I actually am.

I grew up in a household where physical and emotional abuse was presented as love. My parents put a Bible in front of me while kicking my ass and told me they did it because they loved me. That early experience made it hard to distinguish kindness from manipulation, and it shaped the kinds of intimate relationships I later found myself in.

So how do you define a loving relationship when you’ve never really experienced what you believe one could be? In this conversation I look at that question through self-concept and internal dialogue rather than through another method. I talk about examining my emotional reactions in the moment, taking responsibility for how I show up with Sharon, and questioning my own perceptions instead of automatically blaming my past or someone else.

I’m not offering a new manifestation technique. I’m describing how learning to understand myself, moment by moment, afforded me the opportunity to experience a kind of love I once couldn’t clearly imagine.