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Finding myself

In my own self‑medicate state

Making all pain

Slowly dissipate

Forget all the mess

Forget all the names

Forget every promise

That went up in flames

But those dark nights flew

And a pale light grew

My room felt wide

And my mind felt true

I felt once again

Almost aligned

Fine with life

Fine with my own mind

Fine with life

Fine with waking up to my own shine

Fine this time

Wearing all my scars like they were mine

Thought I climbed

Out of every echo in my spine

Fine with life

Fine with life (this time)

Then the world cracked open

Like a glass on tile

Every quiet comfort

Twisted into trial

My ground crumbled

Right under my feet

Old ghosts lining up

Like we’d never meet

Manipulation

Exploitation

Despair

Every single pattern

Dragged me back there

I fell through the floor

With a blank

Cold stare

This time when I fell

I didn’t care

Fine with life

Fine with waking up to my own shine

Fine this time

Even when the fault lines cross the sky

Say I’m fine

As the warning sirens flood my mind

Fine with life

Fine with life (I lie)

I keep saying “I’m fine”

’til the word turns thin

Like a shirt that’s torn

At the same old trim

If I hand you the truth

Would you even stay?

Could you hold my weight

If I broke today?

Fine with life

Fine with waking up to my own shine

Fine this time

But the crack keeps running through the line

If I’m fine

Why am I afraid to close my eyes?

Fine with life

Fine with life

And terrified

Why am I afraid to find my shine one more time?