Before we get into today’s episode, I want to take a moment to reintroduce one of the most important conversations I’ve ever had on this show.

This episode — Rethinking Monogamy — is the most downloaded episode of We Need to Talk.

I recorded this early in the life of the podcast, and it still holds up because it doesn’t argue for or against monogamy. It looks closely at why so many people struggle inside the relationship model they’re told is the only legitimate option.

Whether or not monogamy is right for you isn’t the point.

The point is understanding why so many people stay in relationships that look right, but don’t actually feel right — and what it costs when we never question that gap.

If this is your first time hearing it, you’re about to listen to a thoughtful, grounded conversation that’s just as relevant now as it was then.

And if you’ve listened before, it’s worth hearing again with fresh ears.

In the west, monogamy is our default relationship model. But, to be clear, monogamy is a social construct. It is not inherent to our biology.

That’s an important fact to keep in mind throughout today’s conversation with New York Times Best Selling author, Molly Roden Winter, whose recent book “More: A Memoir of Open Marriage,” documents her journey through non-monogamy.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why humans adopted monogamy as our dominant relationship construct (the answer is grim).

• The surprising response she got from her therapist about opening up her marriage.

• Her advice on how to initiate a conversation with your partner about non-monogamy, should you be inclined.

Xxoo

Darcy

REFERENCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm

Kim, J. H., Tam, W. S., & Muennig, P. (2017). Sociodemographic Correlates of Sexlessness Among American Adults and Associations with Self-Reported Happiness Levels: Evidence from the U.S. General Social Survey. Archives of sexual behavior, 46(8), 2403–2415. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-017-0968-7

Lei, L., & South, S. J. (2021). Explaining the decline in young adult sexual activity in the United States. Journal of Marriage and Family, 83(1), 280-295.

Solomon NG, Ophir AG. Editorial: What's Love Got to Do With It: The Evolution of Monogamy. Front Ecol Evol. 2020 Apr;8:110. doi: 10.3389/fevo.2020.00110. Epub 2020 Apr 28. PMID: 32782899; PMCID: PMC7416880.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/human-monogamy-has-deep-roots/

More: A Memoir of Open Marriage by Molly Roden Winter

Substack: mollyrodenwinter.com

CREDITS

This episode of “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” was produced by Darcy Sterling, with editorial support from Vicki Vergolina. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani, Stephanie Sterling and Preston Smith. “We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production.

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling

X:@DrDarcySterling

YouTube:@DarcySterling

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.

In this episode, I’m unpacking one of the most misunderstood dynamics in modern relationships: Certainty.

Most people think relationship breakdown happens because emotions run too hot or arguments get too big. But what actually corrodes connection over time is something quieter and far more dangerous — the belief that your perspective is the objective truth.

When we treat our interpretation as fact, disagreement stops being information and starts feeling like a threat. Curiosity shuts down. Defensiveness takes over. And instead of two people trying to understand each other, you end up with two people trying to win.

I walk through why the mind clings to certainty even when it costs us intimacy, how rigid thinking turns everyday moments into power struggles, and what it actually looks like to move from being “right” to being connected. This isn’t about abandoning your reality — it’s about learning how to hold it without weaponizing it against the people you care about most.

What you’ll walk away with:

• How certainty masquerades as emotional safety — and why it quietly undermines trust and closeness.
  

• The difference between having a perspective and defending it at all costs, especially during conflict.
  

• Practical ways to loosen rigid thinking so conversations become collaborative instead of combative.
  

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the same arguments, unheard by your partner, or convinced that the problem is simply that they “don’t get it,” this episode will challenge you — and give you a more effective way forward.

Follow and subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling for more evidence-based tools to build stronger, more resilient relationships.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling

X:@DrDarcySterling

YouTube:@DarcySterling

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.

Have you ever looked at your relationship history and thought, “How am I here again?”Different person, different story, yet somehow the emotional blueprint feels eerily familiar.

In this episode, I walk you through what’s actually driving those repetitive relationship dynamics — not the behaviors you consciously notice, but the unconscious patterns that get activated long before you realize what’s happening. These patterns come from early learning, attachment, and the roles you were shaped to play in relationships. And unless you bring them into awareness, they continue choosing for you.

Think of this as a systems upgrade. I want you to understand the internal rules you’ve been following without knowing it — the ones that dictate who you’re drawn to, what feels “chemically right,” and why certain dysfunctions feel familiar. Once you can name your pattern, you can interrupt it and finally write a new script.

We’ll also talk about what healthy connection feels like when you stop outsourcing your self-worth to old wiring and what shifts internally when you stop mistaking intensity for intimacy.

What You’ll Learn

• Why certain dynamics feel magnetic even when they’re unhealthy.
  

• How your unconscious patterning influences who you pursue and who you stay with.
  

• What it takes to break the cycle and choose differently, not just date differently.
  

If you’re tired of the same story with different characters, this episode will help you understand the mechanics of your pattern and show you what it takes to break it for good.

If you found this episode helpful, be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe to We Need To Talk with Dr. Darcy Sterling so you never miss a new conversation.

Xxoo Darcy

REFERENCES/RESOURCES

www.alternativescounseling.com

CREDITS

“We Need To Talk With Dr. Darcy Sterling” is a Sterling Standard Production. Editing and sound engineering by Bart Migal. Our theme music is by Trending Music. Special thanks to Amanda Cristiani and Robyn Jaenchen.

DISCLAIMER

Instagram:@drdarcysterling

Facebook:Dr.Darcy Sterling

Tik Tok:@doctordarcysterling

X:@DrDarcySterling

YouTube:@DarcySterling

Threads:@drdarcysterling

Watch this episode here on YouTube.