『Waking Up to Narcissism』のカバーアート

Waking Up to Narcissism

Waking Up to Narcissism

著者： Tony Overbay LMFT
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"Waking Up to Narcissism" is a podcast hosted by Tony Overbay, LMFT, host of the award-winning Virtual Couch podcast, dedicated to helping individuals recognize and navigate narcissistic traits and tendencies in their relationships and within themselves. With a focus on emotional immaturity versus narcissism, Tony provides tools and guidance for personal growth and managing relationships with narcissistic or emotionally immature individuals, even if that individual is you!Copyright 2026 Waking Up to Narcissism 個人的成功 心理学 心理学・心の健康 自己啓発 衛生・健康的な生活
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  • We're All Emotionally Immature. Some Are Narcissists. Which Are You?

    We're All Emotionally Immature. Some Are Narcissists. Which Are You?
    2026/10/08
    Narcissistic personality disorder vs. emotional immaturity: what separates the two, and why that difference shapes how you heal. On Greg and Amy Langford's podcast Undressing Intimacy, Tony draws on psychologist Elinor Greenberg's view of narcissistic personality disorder as a set of coping strategies from childhood. From there, he walks through ego-syntonic and ego-dystonic traits, whole object relations, and object constancy, the ideas that explain how a partner can be furious one minute and ask where you want to go to dinner the next. Before the interview, Tony shares a session in which a client discovered that his long-running complaint about his marriage was also keeping him from having conversations he wasn't ready for. Tony also wonders whether the familiar stories the pathologically kind tell themselves, like "it's my fault" or "what if I'm the narcissist," might be protecting them in a similar way. Episode Highlights Learn Greenberg's three markers of NPD: self-esteem that can't hold on its own, a need for outside validation to regulate emotions, and the lower empathy that grows out of both Understand ego-syntonic vs. ego-dystonic, and why someone who keeps asking "am I the narcissist?" is usually showing the self-reflection a personality disorder tends to lack See how a lack of object constancy leaves only two settings: special and perfect, or a worthless pile of garbage Walk through Tony's five rules for interacting with a narcissist: raise your emotional baseline, get your PhD in gaslighting, get out of unproductive conversations, set healthy boundaries (and how they differ from ultimatums), and accept that you'll never give the other person their aha moment Hear Greg and Amy's own turning point, when Greg asked "what's hard about being married to me?" and wanted the real answer Tony Overbay, LMFT, has worked as a couples therapist for more than 20 years and sees 15 to 20 couples a week, so he gets a close look at where emotional immaturity ends and a personality disorder begins. If you've been stuck wondering whether the problem is you, your partner, or both, this conversation gives you a clearer place to start. And go subscribe to Undressing Intimacy to hear more from Greg and Amy at Link Forward Life Coaching. Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch on Tiktok @virtualcouch on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com 00:00 Hydration Wake Up Call 01:35 Good Nutrition Sponsor 02:38 Show Setup and Guest Interview 03:22 Narcissism vs Immaturity 05:35 Unhealthy Coping Loops 07:25 Runner Procrastination Spiral 09:30 Marriage Aha Moment 13:18 Grace and Abuse Boundaries 15:54 Interview Begins Intro 18:15 Tony Origin Story 22:06 Podcasts and Narcissism Trend 26:20 Defining Narcissism Framework 27:26 Ego Defense and Safety 38:08 ACT vs CBT Mindset 40:32 Validation and Intimacy Talk 42:54 Language Learning to ACT 44:27 Validation Seeking to Curiosity 47:57 Four Pillars Couples Model 51:13 Narcissism Black and White 54:57 Ego Syntonic vs Dystonic 01:01:59 Five Rules With Narcissists 01:02:25 Raise Emotional Baseline 01:07:44 Gaslighting and Boundaries 01:10:31 Co-regulation and Safety 01:12:45 Resisting Old Hooks 01:13:24 Letting Go of Epiphanies 01:14:28 The Honest Turning Point 01:15:30 Space to Breathe 01:22:52 Outcome-Independent Growth 01:25:28 Rituals That Repair 01:29:28 Can Narcissists Change 01:30:10 Differentiation in Therapy 01:39:33 Inner Child Quote 01:42:03 Wrap Up and Where to Find
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    1 時間 44 分
  • Why Good People Defend Leaders (and Others) Who Contradict Themselves: Identity, Bias & Belonging

    Why Good People Defend Leaders (and Others) Who Contradict Themselves: Identity, Bias & Belonging
    2026/09/24
    Why do smart, thoughtful people believe such different things? Authority bias, confirmation bias, and belonging shape what we believe long before we can explain why. Tony starts with a kid raised in an East Coast fishing town, and another raised hiking Arizona trails. He uses them to show how beliefs tend to form through family, community, and identity, with the reasons showing up later. Then he brings the same lens to politics from a neutral place. He looks at how a trusted "Uncle Mike" can shape which questions feel worth asking, and why changing your mind can get psychologically expensive when your people are on the line. Along the way, he argues that changing your mind can be a sign your mind is working. In this episode: Understand confabulation, the way the mind builds sincere explanations for a belief after the fact, with no dishonesty required See how authority bias and confirmation bias work together, from what you type into a search bar to the evidence that ends up feeling convincing Recognize when certainty is working as armor, and what emotionally mature leaders do with disagreement, uncertainty, and their own contradictions Try a question that can get you further than "what evidence do I have?": who taught me to look at this in the first place, and what information would help me reconsider? Practice understanding without agreement, so you can keep your convictions and still stay curious about the person across the table Tony Overbay is a licensed marriage and family therapist with more than 20 years of experience helping individuals and couples move from defensiveness toward curiosity and connection. Give it a listen, and maybe add one follow-up question to your week: how did I come to believe that? I'd love to hear what came up for you, so send me a message or drop it in the comments. Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch on Tiktok @virtualcouch on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com 00:00 Welcome and Setup 00:54 Fishing Town Identity 02:56 When Someone Hates Fishing 05:44 Politics as Fishing 08:14 Confabulation Explained 09:56 Authority Bias and Uncle Mike 13:42 Confirmation Bias in Search 15:20 Flip Side Conservation Lens 16:45 Hiking Permits Debate 19:48 Belonging Versus Being Right 21:58 Choosing Political Authorities 24:54 Cognitive Dissonance and Rationalizing 27:24 Identity Cost of Changing Minds 29:18 Certainty as Armor 30:12 Leader Follower Tradeoff 31:08 Questions for Leaders 32:16 Biases Hit Everyone 34:12 Confidence vs Insecurity 36:28 Uncle Mike Example 38:10 Groupthink Ecosystem 39:19 Why Followers Stay 41:34 Reconsidering Evidence 43:10 Healthy Leadership Model 45:11 Turn the Lens Inward 47:03 Understanding Without Agreement 48:49 Changing Minds Is Growth 51:20 Closing Thoughts and Outro
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    53 分
  • Death By 1,000 Cuts Pt. 12: Stopping at an Invisible Fence

    Death By 1,000 Cuts Pt. 12: Stopping at an Invisible Fence
    2026/09/18
    Narcissistic relationship patterns can teach you where to stop, long after anyone has to correct you. Installment 12 of Death by 1,000 Cuts uses the image of an invisible fence to describe how a dog learns to stop at a line nobody walking by can see, and how people living with emotional immaturity and ongoing criticism can learn in much the same way. Listener stories from husbands and wives describe rehearsing an afternoon in the driveway before walking inside, planning vacations that end at the same lake cabin every year, and giving up bedtime after enough notes from the doorway. Those adjustments made a lot of sense, and this episode makes room to get curious about which ones you still need. Episode highlights: Recognize how small, repeated corrections can teach your nervous system where the line is, even after the correction stops coming Explore four patterns from listener emails: the walking, the accounting of your time, the illusion of choice, and being set up to fail Hear a listener describe the attack surface in action, when a simple question about her husband's work landed very differently than the same question from their bishop two hours later Notice whether your brain reaches for an escape hatch when a story almost matches yours, or starts stacking up evidence before you allow yourself to act Consider next steps at a pace that fits your situation, including support and safety planning when more independence could bring retaliation Tony Overbay, LMFT, has spent more than 20 years working with couples and has advanced training in betrayal trauma. If one of these stories brought your own to mind, I'd love to hear it for a future Death by 1,000 Cuts episode. It doesn't need to be dramatic or polished, and you can tell me whether it's okay to share on the show. Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch on Tiktok @virtualcouch on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com 00:00 The Dog and the Line 03:03 Podcast Welcome and Series Setup 04:04 Termites and Tiny Cuts 06:03 Why People Don’t Get It 09:26 Listener Email Begins 10:14 The Narcissistic Laugh 12:07 Inside a Narcissist’s Monologue 18:25 Church Parking Lot Whiplash 21:10 Invisible Fence in Relationships 24:56 Curiosity Over Proof 28:52 Patterns Across Emails 29:50 Walking Ahead Stories 32:56 Small Cuts Add Up 35:11 One-Way Compromise 39:07 Accounting for Time 40:59 Interrogation Disguised 47:37 Illusion of Choice 51:08 Control by Attrition 54:19 Set Up to Fail 59:41 Invisible Fence Metaphor 01:01:35 What to Do Next 01:04:48 Closing Thoughts
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    1 時間 6 分
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