After more than a year of silence, my father finally makes his next move — not by compromise, but by decree. In his latest letter, he lays out exactly how the divorce should go, what each person will receive, and why his plan is the only “fair” option. But it is control disguised as generosity. In this episode, I break down how he positioned himself as judge, jury, and king of the castle… and why he believed he deserved to decide everyone else’s fate. And to illuminate these dynamics, I look at familiar archetypes — the Wizard hiding behind the curtain in The Wizard of Oz, the Beast whose “gifts” keep Belle trapped in Beauty and the Beast, and even in characters like The Joker, where control is maintained through chaos, threat, and sudden shifts in the rules of the game. Because in families ruled by power, truth doesn’t rise to the surface — it has to be dragged into the light.

⚠️ Content Note:
This episode discusses sensitive themes and adult content, including abuse and coercive control, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit:
Moonlight Sonata by Paul Pitman

After months of silence and emotional stalemate, my father finally writes a letter that sounds less like a plan and more like a performance. In this episode, we examine how “being selfish” becomes a weapon in the hands of someone who uses emotional collapse as control — shifting from aggression to pathetic fragility in a way that would make Gollum himself proud.

But this episode isn’t only about manipulation. It’s also about clarity. When my teenage brother — the most neutral, easygoing person in our family — finally steps in with a letter of his own, he becomes the truth-teller. His words cut through the chaos like a lifeline, urging our mother to choose herself after a year of living in a home that felt like a Monty Python sketch gone dark: denial, exaggeration, theatrics, and endless circular arguments..

⚠️ Content Note:
This episode discusses sensitive themes, including suicide, abuse, and coercive control, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit:
Moonlight Sonata by Paul Pitman

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, I continue reading my mother’s letters — one to my father, and one to my sister and me — as she reflects on the choices that shaped her marriage and the lessons she wanted us to learn from it. Through her words, I see how painful examples become powerful teachers, and how role models don’t just show us daughters what to do — they show us what to survive. I also explore the concept of triangulation, a manipulation tactic at the heart of so many family dynamics, and compare it to what unfolds in the film The Talented Mr. Ripley — where charm, deception, and emotional control become a means of power. In working on this episode, I realize that my father’s manipulation didn’t begin years into their marriage — it started right at the beginning.

⚠️ Content Note:
This episode discusses sensitive themes, including suicide, manipulation, emotional abuse, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit:
Moonlight Sonata by Paul Pitman (used with permission under Creative Commons license).

For thirty years, my father controlled every version of the story — what was said, what wasn't, and what was changed to suit the story he wanted to tell.
But in this episode, something shifts. My mother finally demands that everything be put in writing. It is the first moment she begins taking back her power — by keeping a record he can no longer rewrite at will.

In this episode, I read an excerpt from the letter that changed everything — and marked the beginning of the brief silence that leads up to an explosion none of us saw coming. I explore how one simple demand — put it in writing — set the stage for what would eventually expose him, in his own words.

I also look at how written proof exposed the truth in several highly publicized cases — from Erin Brockovich and Taylor Swift to Monica Lewinsky, Theranos, and Britney Spears.

Because in the end, stories can be spun. Memories can be doubted. But writing… writing is evidence. And evidence changes everything.

⚠️ Content Note:
This episode discusses sensitive themes, including suicide, abuse, and coercive control, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit:
Moonlight Sonata by Paul Pitman

In this episode, I revisit one of the most damaging rules my father ever imposed: Don’t tell your mother. Through letters, reflection, and childhood stories, I unpack how silence became the foundation of control — and how triangulation destroyed trust between my mother, my sister, and me. I also look deeper into how and why telling a child not to tell their mother works so well, by examining two films — The Tale (2018) and American Beauty (1999). Both reveal how grooming and justification are often disguised as art, freedom, or love. It makes me question how we can ever protect children when society keeps rewarding the people who blur the lines between love and control, between admiration and objectification, and between art and abuse.

⚠️ Content Note:
This episode discusses sensitive themes, including grooming, abuse, and coercive control, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit:
Moonlight Sonata by Paul Pitman (used with permission under Creative Commons license).

In this episode of Vassalage: Truth, Lies, and Power, the words “I say it with love” take on a darker meaning. My father’s letter to my mother shows how abusers disguise control as concern — twisting affection into manipulation and calling it love. My mother’s response reveals exhaustion, self-awareness, and the first signs of emotional freedom. Together, their letters show how love can be used to confuse, silence, and bind. I also explore the story of Mel B, whose public battle with gaslighting and coercive control echoes the same pattern behind closed doors. This episode asks one haunting question: when love becomes a weapon, how do you recognize it?

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, suicide, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

🎵 Music Credit: Moonlight Sonata, performed by Paul Pitman

In this week's episode, I read from two more letters - one from my sister, and one from my father. Together, they reveal the many layers of abuse my father used against my mother. Gaslighting, coercive control, contemp, manipulation - all forms of verbal abuse that, on the surface, didn't necessarily look like abuse at all. But more than twenty years later, when I read these words again, the evidence is undeniable. What once passed as concern or loving support is exposed for what it truly was. My father was playing the long game, using these tactics not just in a single argument, but over decades, wearing her down and undermining her resolve until, after thirty years of marriage, she was insecure, miserable, and struggling to break free of his mind games.

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, domestic violence, suicide, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

To an outsider, the letters in this episode look like simple negotiations over housing and money. But when I revisit them, I see how they were really my first understanding of the coercive control my father had over my mother. My father claimed Curtis wanted to live with him, despite Curtis telling my mother the opposite just hours earlier. Yet my mother instantly folded, accepting his version of events without question or double-checking with Curtis. What looked like practical “living arrangements” was actually another example of my father's abuse.

⚠️ Content Note: This episode discusses sensitive themes, including abuse, domestic violence, suicide, and family conflict, and may not be suitable for all listeners. If you or someone you know is struggling, call or text 988 in the U.S. for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.