This is a series of 5 Poems, recited in 5 minutes, taken from published, Brady Kent Poetry Books

The warrior princess

Video shop closed

Grasmere charisma

Derwent day out

Padstow

This is a series of 5 Poems, recited in 5 minutes, taken from published, Brady KentPoetry Books

Day out on Mersey Island

Flowers look back in the mirror

Silent assassin

Dim view of bright lights

Triana Girls

This is a series of 5 Poems, recited in 5 minutes, taken from published, Brady Kent Poetry Books

The bar down the street

Walked and stopped

In memory of Wilfred

Play barn madness

When I am nearly dead

This is a series of 5 Poems, recited in 5 minutes, taken from published, Brady Kent Poetry Books

Triana Market

To beers and a dog

The woman through the gates

Before I left

The bedroom is lonely

This is a series of 5 Poems, recited in 5 minutes, taken from published, Brady Kent Poetry Books

Patrick

Tim

Bad Manners Blues

Ricardo

Old Smelly knickers

The effect of divorce on children can be profound, causing them emotional distress, a conflict of loyalties, regressive behaviors, academic and social issues, anger and rebellion. I in 4 children in the UK live in separated families, that 4m children or 30% of the total.

The long-term effects on children when they become adults is mixed. Some thrive. The outcome is down to how theirparents handled the divorce, and if there was on going conflict between the two partners. Eg when the child is a pawn or a messenger or even a spy !Kids need consistency, love and stability. They must also be encouraged to maintain astrong relationship with both parents.Mimimising change is the key, like keeping the same schools, home and social network etc. Open communication should seek to re assure the children that the divorce was not their fault .Finally they most have access to all their family and their friends forsupport at any time. Generally, its thought that a good divorce is better than a bad marriage , but I have my doubts about that. Yes, if its in an environment of chronic hostility and abuse. Parental behaviors is the biggest factor, both during the divorce and afterwards. The children need to be the priority, full stop. The children need to be the number I priority, there I've said it again. A healthy relationship between the two ex partners can buffer their grown-up kids against further harm. Holidays and in particular Christmas can be very difficult for example when there are two or in some cases 4 families involved ( i.e. both kids are from divorced parents, and they have both remarried).It also means potentially 4 houses to visit and lots of step fathers, step grandads, step grannies and so on. It’s a minefield. Where you spend Christmas, with whoand in what order of rotation is fraught with difficulties. Parents should spare the kids any conflict.eg unequal treatment, lost traditions, logistical stress, financial tension and so on.

This is my song ‘Just Relax’. Its about gown up children ( like mine ) who are from divorced parents. Apologies for the long introduction but I need to get the point across early in the song, without any hesitation. It starts ,’It’s Christmas baby, a time to share. A time, to bring down the temperature’. The key phrase for me ( not sure where I got it from) is ‘bring down thetemperature.’ Thats what everyone involved should focus on in my view. The song then adds a bit of detail,’ Should Santa Claus come to both of us, We’re not together, living at one address’. So, humour at last. The point is let's not over complicate things. Keep it simple and low key. The song goes on ,’ Years later. We don’t want the stress, of crazy, new family chess. Need to put the past behind us, to all be grown up too.’ I like the phrase ‘crazy chess’, i.e. everyone is trying to predict the next move. Don’t do this, just go with the flow.

Then the children come up in the song, ‘Our kids have a lot to think about, don’t want see us falling out. Families, and Christmas comes in many sizes and guises. Can't assume they’re with you. Dont matter, just stay cool’. So, its back to the stay cool message of in the case of my song title ‘ Just relax’ . The song talks about potential logistical problems bycommenting , ‘Hard to plan around separation, have that difficult conversation. Parent guilt is tough. I’s not your turn, I know it’s rough.’ The phrase it's not you turn is one worth remembering. The kids are not operating to a rota ! We then get a bit more specific, ‘If the kids can come, then the kids can come” Its Christmas baby, a time to share.’ Thats right ifthey want to come, let them come, stuff the rota system ! Finally, ‘When the kids can’t make it, they’re not trying to hurt. Make room for new partners. They turn the past into calmness.’ Next ,’Do what makes you happy and enjoy it. You’ve earned it! Its Christmas baby, a time to share. A time, to bring down that temperature.’ JUST RELAX !

Surprisingly 60% of all marriages in the UK last 20 years ( I would have thought it was much less). The average is about 13 years. As people get older death becomes the primary reason for a marriage ending, rather than divorce.45% of all arriages last 30 years and 25% last 40 years +. In the last group typically, the couple must have met in their 20’s and then both survive in their 60’s and 70’s. Of course, the stats relate to their legal position rather than if they are still happy being married ! That’s called ‘ an empty shell marriage’

If a wife dies after a long and happy marriage it is a traumatic event for the husband ( or visa versa).It’s not one emotion, it’s a tsunami of grief. The depth of loss can touch every part of his being. Typically, he his feeling, profoundly sad and empty ( likean ache) ,shock and disbelief (with a feeling of numbness) loneliness and isolation and then panic and anxiety ( after losing his partner in crime). I know a few people who died shortly after their partner died, having seemingly lost the will to live. There is also a loss of purpose. For a man he may havebeen the husband and the provider but no longer. He may feel guilt (the ‘If only’ syndrome),anger (her leaving him before he could say goodbye) and a sense of injustice ( why them ?).There might also be a sense of relief if his wife had suffered from a long illness, not the case with my song. All this usually leads to what the doctors call ‘brain fog', a consequence of suffering immense trauma. Then of course there are thechildren to consider, friends and the extended family. Many men throw themselves into work as a way of coping. He might also lose some of his social network now that his wife has gone. Getting over or better still learning to live with the grief is difficult. For two years the grief is acute, then there is 3 years of gradual acceptance, then a new normal after 5 years. When her death becomes part of their story, rather than the story.

My song ‘ Not time to tell her’ is about man who suddenly loses his wife after along and happy marriage. Hopefullyit reflects some of the emotions described earlier. The song start s, ’The end came quickly, no notice. Like an accident or her illness. No time to tell her I loved her. No last moments to share. No way, to reminisce, or care. I wasn’t ready for the shock. I was stunned; I couldn’t talk’. I suppose that sums up the shock of the whole event. The song continues, ‘No longer acouple, that’s over. Died suddenly, after so many years. Please God, say she had nothing to fear’ and then there is more, ‘You never know when it happens. Now everyone has their questions. No last chance, to reassure her. To tell her how I feel. What my life has been. I hope she felt the same’. I uppose on the one hand friends and family want to ask questions to show they care, but on the other hand don’t know what to say and might makes things worse. The sad and desperate chorus kicks in , ‘ Died suddenly, after so many years. Please God,say she had nothing to fear’ He is such a caring man that even now he worries about her last moments and if she was scared. He then feels guilt, ‘I just need to say sorry. I hope she thinks it’s OK. The sadness lives with me, every day’. The comes a period of reflection when he reveals he could have done better when she as was still alive. He sings, ‘When was the last time, I said I love her. Why did I let this happen. Why wasn’t it more often. As if our time, was frozen’- I suppose not telling he loved her for some time, must be hard to accept. He goes on ‘I took her for granted. Left her alone and stranded. I know what she meant to me. If I had the chance, she’d see’ He wants to find a way to say sorry singing, ‘Could I say sorry with a kiss. Hold her again, make one last wish’

For those over 40 who are maybe divorced but are now wanting to start again, it’s a scary time. This song is about those people. Whilst everyone is different there are some common traits. It's described as the ‘gray divorce demographic’ ,which would put me off getting back on the horse ! Divorce or separation leads to loss and a loss ofidentity. Years of shared history disappear and the term husband or wife or couple. If you children have left home it compounds the empty best syndrome. You start to wonder who you are and where you are going, if anywhere. Suddenlyyou suffer fear about the future, anxiety and start worrying about financial security. There can be a sense of liberation and re discovery tinged with regret and reflection. Its time to re connect and try to avoid being lonely. The idea of starting over again, finding a house, moving in with someone is sometimes just too much. It's why older people are often single. There are 34m people in the UK who are 40 and over, of which 19% are single and 6% that were previously married. Overall 17mare not in any king of partnership, that a lot ! By the age of 60 this rises to 49%, as more are widowed. Woman over 40 probably face the biggest challenges, especially if they have sacrificed careers for family. But they have stronger supportnetworks, despite worrying more about the ageing process. Men cope by overworking or avoidance tactics. Over time most people become resilient, accept their situation and then begin to value things like peace and quiet. The ‘revenge or re entry body’ for men is the latest trend. It offsets what's knownas ‘marriage protection’. A fitness boost helps with self esteem, albeit it may not help their mental health. There are 7500 gyms in the UK with 10.7m gym members ( 16% of the population), with slightly more men than woman. 1m singlewomen over the age of 40 have active gym membership. About 60,000 women every year, meet a man in the gym

This is a song about divorced women, of a certain age , who are trying to start again. They are suffering from seeing the gym as a ‘sacred space’ and a place for ‘me time’ and trying toavoid unwanted attention and feeling self conscious. It’s the gym or dating apps, they both seem a bit scary. The song starts , ‘Guys in shape and high octane. Newly single, hitting the fast lane. Defying time. Are you out their baby? Maybe it’s time to be born again.’ So, guys in shape seems a goodstarting point but will they be interested in me – is the cry ! Also, the lady has concerns about her emotion state and the fact splits seems to effect men less, reportedly. She sings ‘‘Unattached and broken after he left. We both know, splits hit men less. Say's he didn’t love you anymore. Misunderstood,your down and raw.’ Raw is probably the key word here. The answer apparently is to go into ‘swing out sister’ . This is a ‘let loose’ term from the 1945 musical and adopted by Corinne Drewery and her band in 1985, you might remember their hit ‘Breakout’. Anyway, I digress, ladies have got to get on with it, ‘Gloves are off. Go back to the clubs. Stepping up, from your big breakup. Swing out sister, need to get stronger. Gotta live longer. Don’t be a quitter.’ Of course, the delicate subject of sex comes into the equation , after so long with one partner. The song covers this by saying , ‘Stop the no sex cycle in itstracks, you’ve got the drive, try to relax. Guys in shape and high octane. Newly single, hitting the fast lane’ So relax and go with the flow is the message, but I guess easier to say than do. Goven the most of the guys are in shape, it also plays on your mind that you might not me ! So, she sings, ‘What does normal look like? Don't check the mirror, go on strike’. In other words, just be your self and don’t worry about it. In the end the songs shouts out, ‘Get ready to talk. Your wild days. Ain ’t over'