If you've followed along with Pretending God Is Real, this is where both of our journeys landed. Sarah and I started the same experiment a week apart. On day 13 she said she couldn't take the leap until she felt it. On day 21 she jumped anyway.

We get into what happened in between, why faith might work more like marriage than proof, and the fear that kept me saying "just exploring" long after it stopped being the whole truth.

• What happened between day 13 and 21
• Faith as a daily choice, like marriage
• Logic gets you to the door
• Coming out of the Christian closet
• Putting God above your husband
• Stepping back from someone for God
• Masculinity needs kindness and strength

If someone in your life is on the fence, send them this one.

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Follow and Subscribe to Sarah:

www.youtube.com/@sarahdavidsonjames
www.instagram.com/sarah.davidson.james/

Music by Isaac Haines:
https://isaachaines.ca/

Dig Deeper Into All Things Kaizen:
https://linktr.ee/zacarnold

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Timestamps

00:00-01:17 Intro01:17-05:44 What happened between day 13 and day 2105:44-10:59 Logic gets you to the door, faith turns the knob10:59-15:44 Faith is a deadlift, not a bicep curl15:44-18:27 Why "do you believe in God?" is the wrong question18:27-20:27 Coming out of the Christian closet20:27-24:30 Hiding a cross out of fear of judgment24:30-28:09 Having an affair with God28:09-33:04 Stepping back from a girl to step toward God33:04-40:14 Two rejections and a bus ride40:14-46:39 Can stubbornness protect your faith?46:39-50:44 She found her husband by not saying no50:44-56:43 Why masculinity needs kindness and strength56:43-01:02:19 The dinner where "calm masculinity" was too much01:02:19-01:08:02 Why politics is junk food for your mind01:08:02-01:10:26 What Sarah wants to be asked about01:10:26-01:10:38 Outro

Chris Synesael is a pastor here in Victoria, and for the last month he's been reading the stories of Jesus with me. I sat him down with one question: who would you be without your faith?

His answer wasn't a sermon. It was insecurity, anger, and control, the stuff his faith has slowly been healing. From there we got into the $20 Raptors ticket that changed his life at 17, why nobody gets to opt out of faith, and the question about God he still wrestles with.

• Who he'd be without his faith
• The difference between responsibility and fault
• Can therapy heal the soul?
• Everybody believes in something
• A $20 Raptors ticket and "liquid love"
• Why God seems to work through pain
• The worst pickup line that worked, eventually

If you've ever wondered what faith actually does to a person, start here.

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Music Credit/Licenses:
https://isaachaines.ca/MB01TPMOYU7RHJJMB01M1HHONXAC0NMB01GJZV2IFOUCPMB01QBNYNRLM44BMB01SRR80XLHBO7

Dig Deeper Into All Things Kaizen:
https://linktr.ee/zacarnold

---

Timestamps

00:00-03:32 Who would you be without Jesus?03:32-13:51 Insecurity, anger, and digging up the root13:51-17:55 Responsibility isn't fault: which difficult do you want?17:55-20:33 Can therapy and meditation heal the soul?20:33-25:37 Hunger implies food: reasoning toward God25:37-32:23 Everybody believes in something without evidence32:23-37:53 A $20 Raptors ticket and "liquid love"37:53-41:17 What if they found the bones of Jesus?41:17-47:47 Christianity isn't just "Be like Jesus"47:47-50:54 Why does God do His best work through pain?50:54-56:18 The worst pickup line that worked, eventually56:18-01:02:03 Chris asks me: what has faith been like?01:02:03-01:09:54 The problem of suffering: a God who feels it too01:09:54-01:10:55 What a pastor actually wants to be asked about

Anthony Marino spends twenty days fixing machines at a mine and ten days building his podcast, Deep and Ridiculous. I asked him which one he's resting from. He didn't hesitate.

This is about the voice that tells you to go and the louder one that tells you to stay. A flight he almost cancelled. A plane he almost walked off. A relationship where the anxiety was right the whole time. And underneath all of it, the question neither of us fully answers: how do you know when it's fear talking?

Recorded at 10:30 at night, after spending six hours building the set. This is the first conversation from our Vancouver production. Our behind-the-scenes vlog gives a glimpse of the shenanigans, which you can watch here:https://youtu.be/ciUH98saA1c

This conversation was messy, beautiful, and human. I didn't cut any of it out. We discussed:

• Why his first podcast quietly died
• How intuition whispers, while fear shouts
• Silence as a tool for discernment
• The anxiety that was trying to warn him
• Calling it God, and why that freed him
• Fear, judgment, and the pack
• What lights him up for hours

If someone you know is sitting on a whisper, send them this one.

---

Subscribe to Deep and Ridiculous:
https://www.youtube.com/@its.anthonymarino

Music by Isaac Haines:
https://isaachaines.ca/

Dig Deeper Into All Things Kaizen:
https://linktr.ee/zacarnold

---

Timestamps

00:00-00:29 Intro00:29-01:14 Which job is he resting from?01:14-04:22 Building a set like adult Lego04:22-07:19 Why the first podcast died07:19-11:01 The whisper that wouldn't shut up11:01-13:47 How do you tell fear from intuition?13:47-21:48 Running in silence21:48-27:16 The whisper he ignored27:16-29:13 The night the anxiety disappeared29:13-38:50 Not everybody's going to like you38:50-46:22 Undiagnosed autism, and good with it46:22-51:50 "Sure, call me a Christian"51:50-01:07:15 Trying God on like a good shirt01:07:15-01:17:44 The flight he almost cancelled01:17:44-01:23:09 Why fear gets louder the closer you get01:23:09-01:26:24 What lights him up01:26:24-01:26:53 Outro

Jaden Joseph returns. Last time, on top of a mountain, he said he wanted to be asked about his faith. So I asked.

After partway through reading the Old Testament, he spent three nights in ayahuasca ceremonies in the Costa Rican jungle and came out a Christian. I've recently finished 30 days of pretending God is real, trying to logic my way into faith, and somewhere in this conversation I admitted I think I'm becoming one too.

We got into whether a profound experience can count as evidence, what faith costs in public, and why he thinks the intellect is the wrong tool for the job.

• Gradual exploration, then a bang in the jungle
• Is profundity the same as truth?
• Faith is belief beyond evidence
• The deadlift, not the bicep curl
• What it costs to be publicly Christian
• What happens when logic is your God
• Self-improvement vs. self-discovery

If you're trying to think your way into faith, start here.

Jaden's story is his own experience, not an endorsement of psychedelic use.

---

Watch Our First Conversation Together Here:
https://youtu.be/9PCdaYbWZh8

Music by Isaac Haines:
https://isaachaines.ca/

Dig Deeper Into All Things Kaizen:
https://linktr.ee/zacarnold

---

Timestamps

00:00-01:38 Intro01:38-02:38 Faith strong enough to cost you something02:38-05:47 Thirty days of pretending God is real05:47-11:40 Partway through the Old Testament, then off to Costa Rica11:40-21:45 The experience that made Jaden a Christian21:45-22:56 Is profundity the same as truth?22:56-28:07 Why the believer loses every debate to the rationalist28:07-33:02 Would I trade truth for a better life?33:02-34:15 "I think I'm becoming a Christian"34:15-45:30 What it costs to be publicly Christian45:30-58:35 What am I actually afraid to surrender?58:35-01:07:09 Realizing that my God is logic01:07:09-01:15:42 You can hear your heart when your mind is quiet01:15:42-01:26:30 Self-improvement assumes something is wrong with you01:26:30-01:29:43 The question Jaden hasn't answered yet01:29:43-01:30:22 Outro

Andrew Robinson is back for a fourth time. We're both 21, and we both believe in something now. He got there through ceremony, his language, and a spiritual awakening at 19. I got there through logic, a 30-day experiment, and a lot of arguing with myself.

On top of a mountain we got into what prayer looks like in his culture, why he wants to break a cycle seven generations deep, and the question that kept coming back: can a belief you were raised with ever really be yours?

• Prayer, spiritual bathing, and the fourth dunk
• Where do your morals actually come from?
• Breaking a cycle seven generations deep
• When are you ready to be a father?
• What people get wrong about Indigenous communities
• Are your beliefs actually yours?
• Belief is built through practice

If you've ever wondered where your beliefs came from, sit with this one.

---

Music by Isaac Haines:
https://isaachaines.ca/

Dig Deeper Into All Things Kaizen:
https://linktr.ee/zacarnold

---

Timestamps

00:00-01:37 Six months later: closer to peace, or further away?01:37-05:22 Balancing a scientific mind with Indigenous teachings05:22-10:16 Prayer, spiritual bathing, and the fourth dunk10:16-14:39 Where do your morals actually come from?14:39-20:12 Breaking a cycle seven generations deep20:12-25:56 How do you know you're ready to be a father?25:56-30:52 Four days of fasting, a month alone, and a song30:52-36:10 What people get wrong about Indigenous communities36:10-46:17 How I reasoned my way into believing46:17-52:04 When psychology challenges your spiritual beliefs52:04-55:07 Are your beliefs actually yours?55:07-59:52 Strong beliefs, loosely held59:52-01:02:08 Belief is built through practice01:02:08-01:03:31 Why connection is the essence of life

I set up two chairs on a sidewalk with a sign. One question, five minutes. Anyone could sit down.

Seven strangers did. A magician, three teenagers (two of them two weeks off the plane for boarding school), a mom from Winnipeg, a woman who stopped to brush off her dog, and a guy from Mexico with a flight to catch. Ages 14 to 46. Same question for all of them: what would you change about your life, and what would you absolutely not?

The changes were mostly small. Sleep, procrastination, worry, shyness. The things they'd keep are the part worth hearing.

• Abuse your childhood obsessions
• Why a good life kills urgency
• Worry as proof you care
• Quitting the sport your dad loved
• Don't be afraid to be the fool
• Your body is every choice you've made
• Faith as the rock of everything

Next time a stranger asks you a question in public, sit down.

---

Music by Isaac Haines:
https://isaachaines.ca/

Dig Deeper Into All Things Kaizen:
https://linktr.ee/zacarnold

---

Timestamps

00:00-00:18 Intro00:18-04:13 Kobe - The tiny decisions that wreck your sleep04:13-08:26 Kobe - Why you need to abuse your childhood obsessions08:26-11:12 Jaro - When a good life kills your urgency11:12-13:56 Char - What worrying actually costs you13:56-17:17 Char - Worry is proof you care17:17-21:39 Grayson - When is the right time to quit?21:39-26:44 Clara - Why we talk ourselves out of opportunities26:44-29:24 Clara - Don't be afraid to be the fool29:24-34:39 Clara - Your body is every choice you've made34:39-38:28 Nathan - Moving across the world at 1538:28-41:10 Mauricio - Why God comes before everything41:10-45:10 Mauricio - One true thing about faith45:10-45:36 Outro

Tom Pallan is 94. I'm 21. He's a family friend of my grandpa's, he still lives at home with his wife of 66 years, and he still lifts weights. Nothing in his body hurts.

I asked him what he's still trying to get better at. He answered like a man with plans.

Then it stopped being an interview. I told him about the gym, about the shift from running away from who I was to running toward who I want to be. He said, you are maturing. We spent the rest of it trading. Him on a marriage that took fifteen years to understand, me pushing him on where morality comes from if there's no God.

• He started looking after his body at 50
• Learned to ski that same year
• The job offer that never came
• The church that would not marry them
• Sixty six years, and the rough patches
• An agnostic who suspects a higher power
• One word for a whole life

If there's someone fifty years older than you, go ask them something.

---

Music by Isaac Haines:
https://isaachaines.ca/

Dig Deeper Into All Things Kaizen:
https://linktr.ee/zacarnold

---

Timestamps

00:00-00:50 Intro00:50-03:32 What a 94 year old is still working on03:32-06:43 The advice that would have pulled him off his path06:43-09:55 He neglected health until 5009:55-13:05 How he persevered through discrimination13:05-16:09 Ninety four years old, lifting, nothing hurts16:09-19:11 Running away from yourself, running toward yourself19:11-24:03 The only graduate nobody offered a job24:03-28:03 How long it took to truly know his wife after 66 years28:03-31:52 Why leaving got too easy31:52-36:17 The wedding the church refused36:17-41:07 Where morality comes from if not from God41:07-45:31 Whether progress can go too far45:31-50:20 The soul, and one word for a whole life50:20-50:44 Outro