Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m in a tough situation. I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group, navigating betrayal from my husband’s porn use, and have recognized serious shame surrounding my own struggle with masturbation. I feel hypocritical for being hurt while struggling myself, and I’m unsure how to prioritize my healing. Should I address my personal struggles before fully processing the betrayal trauma, or can both healing journeys happen together?
• In my own struggle with addiction, I’ve noticed how often I fall into lies and manipulation, even when I don’t want to. Why does this pattern feel so automatic and deeply tied to my behavior? What is happening in me that makes honesty feel so difficult when I’m acting out?
• As a woman who struggles with sexual brokenness, I've tried to find help within the church, but it often feels unsafe, minimizing, or even shame-inducing. I thought the church would be the safest place to heal, so why does it feel so hard to be honest there? How do I find support when the place I expected safety feels so complicated?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After discovering my husband’s long-hidden porn addiction and affair, my adult children and I are struggling to reconcile his deep involvement in faith and ministry with the secret double life he lived for decades. I don’t know how to explain the disconnect between genuine devotion and destructive behavior. Was his faith real, or was it all a mask?
• After years of recovery work, I’m concerned my husband’s addiction may have shifted from pornography to an unhealthy fixation on sex and physical access to me. His constant touching and spiritual justifications leave me feeling objectified instead of safe or loved. How do I set healthy boundaries around intimacy without damaging connection or recovery progress?
• After 27 years of marriage and years of counseling and recovery work, my husband recently admitted he follows his own definition of sobriety, leaving me feeling deceived and deeply used. As we prepare for full disclosure and a polygraph, I feel emotionally exhausted and ready to leave, yet conflicted by my faith and church beliefs. Am I wrong for wanting divorce after so many broken promises and shifting truths?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Adult Children of Sex Addicts

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After five years of betrayal and partial recovery efforts, I’m seeing new honesty and engagement from my husband, but repeated slip-ups leave me unsure what’s truly changing. I’m caring for myself well, yet struggling to discern whether this reflects early sobriety with setbacks or simply a different addiction pattern. How do I know the difference?
• Three and a half years into recovery, another disclosure of relapses has left me devastated and questioning whether I’ll ever feel deep love for my husband again. Even before this, my feelings already felt distant and dulled compared to before the betrayal. Can love truly return after repeated heartbreak, or does it change permanently?
• A year into recovery after my husband confessed long-term struggles with pornography and lust, I can see real transformation in him, yet I still feel deeply wounded by the reality that lust may always be something he battles. Even his honesty and progress don’t remove the pain this creates in me. How do I live with the ongoing reality of that struggle without feeling devastated by it?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Lapse Vs Relapse

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• After 16 years of recovery from sex addiction, I’m realizing how deeply my relationship with my mother still shapes my emotional triggers around criticism, guilt, and performance. While our relationship has improved and I truly believe I’ve forgiven her, I still find myself reacting, trying to change or educate her, and questioning whether lingering pain means forgiveness is incomplete. Can healing from a mother’s wounds continue even after genuine forgiveness has taken place?
• I struggle with unwanted sexual behaviors and confusion around same-sex attraction. I often feel shame and uncertainty about what my experiences mean, especially when I’m trying to live with integrity. How do I understand my patterns, reduce compulsive behavior, and begin healing without self-condemnation?
• After my divorce, I’ve found myself sexually acting out in ways that leave me feeling empty and ashamed. I want to understand why this is happening and how to stop repeating it. How do I begin real healing and rebuild self-control after divorce-related pain and loneliness?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Mother Hunger

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

I resonated with your thoughts on marriage stagnation from episode #95. My husband stopped relapsing but isn’t actively pursuing healing, and I feel stuck, discouraged, and worn down. After years of little growth, I’m unsure what I believe about biblical grounds for divorce. In this kind of gray space, where change feels stalled, would divorce be biblically justified?

When my church, once a safe home, responded to my betrayal trauma by focusing on my reactions instead of my spouse’s accountability, it felt like a second betrayal. I’m struggling to know what’s healthy moving forward. When is it time to leave, and how do I grieve losing my spiritual community while still healing from betrayal?

Can you talk about wet dreams? My husband and I are currently sexually abstinent with each other in our marriage. He reported a wet dream to me and it was triggering. To be honest, I know wet dreams are normal but part of me wonders if he’s acting out as a part of it. I don’t like how this situation makes me feel but I also don’t know what reasonable responses are.

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage
Good Boundaries & Goodbyes
The Life Saving Divorce

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband and I are 2½ years into recovery, and our marriage is stronger than ever. As I enter my third trimester, we want to plan for sex and intimacy postpartum, especially after a difficult recovery with our first child. How can we approach this season in a healthy, connected way that supports both healing and intimacy?
• I’m experiencing betrayal trauma in my marriage, and I’m trying to rebuild safety and trust after what’s happened. My spouse seems to believe that sex will bring us closer and help heal the relationship, but it actually feels triggering and disconnecting for me right now. Why is it so hard for them to understand that sex alone won’t repair betrayal or create emotional safety?
• After divorcing my spouse due to addiction, he still continues to blame me for what happened and the breakdown of our relationship. I’m trying to heal and move forward, but the ongoing blame feels confusing and painful. How do you respond when someone keeps assigning you responsibility even after the relationship has ended?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

The Betrayal Bind

Cliff & Joyce's Books

The Life Saving Divorce

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Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• I’m a woman in ministry and I’ve noticed a pattern where I seek validation through flirting and attention from men, even when I don’t intend harm. I want to break this cycle and grow in healthier boundaries and identity. What kind of help, support, or practices would actually help me change these patterns in a lasting way?
• I desire deep connection, but I also fear abandonment, which affects how I show up in relationships. How do fear of abandonment and attachment wounds shape relational behavior, and how can women begin to heal this?
• I sometimes feel shame around my relational or sexual patterns and don’t know how to talk about it without feeling “broken.” How can women bring these struggles into the light in a way that leads to healing instead of shame?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

The Fantasy Fallacy

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• My husband and I have been together since childhood, married for 7 years, and six months ago I discovered his long-term porn addiction. It feels like a deep betrayal, and I’m struggling to heal and trust again. Even though he’s in recovery and doing the right things, I still feel stuck. How do I move forward when our story feels broken?
• My husband’s mindset seems to be keeping him from engaging in recovery. He often becomes entitled and shifts blame onto me, and he sees boundaries as rejection. I know you’ve addressed similar dynamics before, but how can a spouse respond when these patterns are blocking accountability and making real healing difficult?
• From an addict spouse: I’ve struggled with porn throughout my 14 year marriage and am now in recovery. As my wife and I enter formal disclosure, I’ll hear the impact of my betrayal, and I want to respond well without becoming defensive. How can I stay present, process her pain, and grow through this disclosure process in a way that supports her healing?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

GET STARTED

Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma

Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn

Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation

Join A Pure Desire Online Group

SOCIALS

Follow us on Facebook

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Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.