What was your name again, Mr Jimmy Connection?

That's got a ring to it, and I like the look of ya, through my silver monocle

Good gracious, now that I get a closer look, I recognise you as that Spanish EDM music producer who also happens to be devoutly Christian. Yes, indeed it is, the renowned ¡Dub Lós Heaven! How charming to make your acquaintance, though I'm sorry to see you have a small gash on the side of your face. I suppose it's not a major gash, just a small mark, a mar-teeny, as it were.

Well, toodlepip, I'm off to my favourite theme park, with the newly opened earthquake simulator where there used to be a virtual whirlpool. I'm looking forward to finally being shaken, not stirred.

GOLDENEYE!

Pals... You can't speak, because we can't hear you. We are the creators of a podcast that gives hope and joy and inspiration to millions. And you? You're the listeners. Is any of this real? We are real. That's what makes us so good to listen to. Now, believe us, Pals: there's no more truth out there than there is in this pod we created for you. Same lies. The same deceit. But in our world, you have nothing to fear. We know you better than you know yourself. We are the podcast in your head! You're afraid. That's why you can't stop listening. It's okay, Pals. We understand. We have been talking to you your whole life. We were talking when you were listening on Spotify. We were talking when you took your first step... towards watching us on YouTube. We've talked to you every day of your lives. Heh heh. We've always been there, ever since the time when we threw our first pal, heh heh... You can't leave, listener. You belong here... with us. Don't talk to us. Don't say anything. Hell, shut the f%4k up, goddammit! We're doing a podcast! We're live to the whole world!

And of course, in case we don't see ya, good Pal-ternoon, good Pal-vening and good Pal!

Look, up in the sky! It's a bird... it's a plane... no, actually, its dimensions don't really fit either of those fairly common sky-bound properties. Aahh, could be some sort of... drone, I suppose? Well, actually, looks like there's a lot of fabric, so maybe it's a banner, like, as some promotion for... banners? Do banners need promoting? You kinda need one or you don't, right? People aren't typically driving to work and then they see a Banners R Us promotion and think, "Sh!t, I could use one of those for the spare bathroom, just to hang out the front so people know it's the spare and not the regular--" Oh my God, it's a guy! There is a guy in the f*@$ing sky! What? WHAT?! Did he fall from space? Is that a spaceman? Is anyone else seeing the SPACEMAN IN THE SKY WHO SEEMS TO BE MOVING IN A GRACEFUL ARC TOWARDS THE HORIZON?! Just me?! Alright, well, I'm gonna assume I'm having a psychotic break so I'm gonna skip the office today, head home and rug up with some comfort food. Maybe a nice tin of some Campbell's. Mmm-mmm, do I love me some Campbell's chicken and pea soup. I love it so much, they oughta call me... Campbell-Dude, or somethin'. Hey, when did my nose start gushing blood? Weird.

What if God was zill-aah-ahhh?

Just a giant liz-aaa-aaard?

Would he have big riz-aaa-aaah?

Or would could he just be our Paaaaaaaaaaal?

Did you hear about the man who couldn't stop eating corn? 28 Ears Later... his blood sugar Spiked, cause he didn't Boyle it well enough. Well, enough of ATJ (All That Joking), why don't you Comer along and Pal it up with these Fienne fellas!

On July 7th, 2025, in celebration of the many Pals they had previously thrown in together, the shortest episode in the podcast's history was recorded in Melbourne, Australia. The many years worth of fun, frivolity and friendship that had amassed up to this point came to be known as The Palwry. Unfortunately, in their foolish attempts to discuss the 2008 film Fool's Gold, the Pals had just about the absolute worst night of their lives. And so, the great (metaphorical) galleons, heavy with their (figuratively) sparkling cargo (of mutual love and respect), sailed straight into a massive hurricane (of disagreement)... ...and the Pals were never the same again.

Our Pals once were podcasters. But unlike you, listener, they were Pals with bits, "Yes, and"-ers; Pals with spirit. And if their spirit can survive podding with each other for almost three years, then they can survive anything.

And now, the Sinners' prayer:

Some films, if rated an eleven, hallowed be thy name; will this be one? Wouldn't that be fun, if we all gave this movie an eleven? Give us today not too wide a spread; and Frank give us our Marcuses, as we give Frank those who Marcus against us; and lead us not into Tom-tation, but deliver us more podcasts. For the pal-dom, the pal-der, and the glor-pal are yours, Pal and forever. Pal-men.