(To the tune of the Australian National Anthem)

Odysseus led quite the course

He sailed to foreign lands

He hid inside a wooden horse

While his men shit their pants

They shit and shit and shit and shit

Their pants were filled to burst

Would they say that it was worth it

Or they were darkly cursed?

That horse was filled with so much shit

It's aaaaaaa prettttttty good prraaaaaaaank!

You think he's Good? Yeah, well, that's John like, your opinion, man.

Filmmakers in the '90s were so preoccupied with whether or not they Yabba Dabba could, they didn't stop to think if they Yabba Dabba should.

What's the best thing about 2026? That there's 20 of them! Get it? No? Well maybe get along to the humour hospital and check yourself into the I-peee-yeeew, cos you've got yourself a seriously stinky case of the no-funny-bones, and my uncle died from that and it was hilarious! Anyway, 2026 has been a weird year for movies, come listen to us sorta talk about it a little, kinda.

Are the Pals gonna be all, "Dis-whoa-sure Yay!" or more like, "Dis-no-sure Way!" after watching this balls-to-the-wall, four-on-the-floor, don't-stop-til-you-drop, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am powerhouse movie that honestly I'm sorta stalling here because I've forgotten the name of -- something to do with disco, could that be right? -- directed by Steven, I wanna say, Segal? Am I kinda close and, also, can anyone else taste pennies?

What do you call an egotistical musician who secretly wants to be an even more egotistical actor? A pre-Madonna.

Have you ever wandered into a strange space where everything seems a little off, like the furniture is wonky and strangely oriented, the lighting is disconcerting, there are people you sort of half-recognise and a tall, blurry presence off in the corner who seems to be in command of the weirdly liminal environs, and then everyone starts kissing as ABBA starts playing, and someone hands you a cup of something purple and you say, "I don't drink," and they say, "You are drink," and then they lick your face and Stanley Kubrick's there yelling something about how that's really gonna f$%k with the continuity, thanks a LOT, Carl! This movie is called Backrooms.

What do you call it when a bunch of people start running en masse out of church and frantically renouncing their faith?