In this Q&A episode of Thriving Kids Podcast, Dave Anderson answers listener questions following last week’s conversation with Jennifer Wallace on achievement culture and helping kids feel like they matter.

Parents asked practical, hard questions about failure, pressure, motivation, and emotional regulation. This episode focuses on finding balance—between support and independence, structure and flexibility, validation and limits.

Questions covered:

Natural consequences vs. stepping in

• Did you rob your child of a lesson by rescuing a forgotten school project?
• How to decide based on context and stakes.

Kids who cheat because they hate losing

• What’s developmentally normal at younger ages.
• When rule-following matters for peer relationships.
• How to address cheating without turning games into power struggles.

Paying kids for good grades

• Does it increase pressure?
• The role of external reinforcement.
• How to use rewards thoughtfully and fade them over time.

When your child says, “I suck at this”

• How to respond to negative self-talk.
• Helping kids move from global self-blame to problem-solving.

The brutal car ride home after a loss

• Why “I loved watching you play” can backfire.
• How to ask what support your teen actually wants.
• Coaching emotional regulation without forcing a conversation.

When schools make failure feel high-stakes

• What to say when mistakes lead to remedial groups or lost electives.
• Supporting your child when systems increase pressure.
• How parents can act as “counterprogramming” to achievement culture.

Key takeaways

• There is rarely one “right” parenting move.
• Kids need both scaffolding and space to struggle.
• Pressure affects children differently.
• Validation doesn’t mean fixing feelings.
• Effort matters more than perfection.

This episode is especially helpful if you’re parenting a child who is sensitive to failure, perfectionistic, or feeling overwhelmed by expectations at school or in sports.

In this episode of Thriving Kids, Dr. Dave Anderson speaks with Jennifer Wallace, award-winning journalist and author, about her books 'Never Enough' and 'Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose.' They discuss the trajectory of her work, the culture of toxic achievement, and how fostering a sense of mattering can serve as an antidote. Wallace shares research findings on mattering, practical strategies for parents, workplaces, and third spaces, and emphasizes the importance of making others feel valued in everyday interactions. They also explore the impact of parental self-care on creating a healthy environment for children.

Further Reading:

• How to Help Kids Learn to Fail
• Raising Resilient Kids Who Are Prepared for the Future
• How to Model Healthy Coping Skills

Parenting teens can feel confusing, hurtful, and exhausting — especially when connection starts to slip.

In this Thriving Kids Q&A episode from the Child Mind Institute, Dr. Dave Anderson answers real questions from parents about staying connected to teenagers during adolescence.

He covers:

• Why teens can be warm and talkative with other adults but distant at home
• How memes, TikToks, and inside jokes still count as real connection
• How to prepare teens for college and independence without constant conflict
• What to do when defiance and power struggles escalate
• How to respond when teens self-diagnose ADHD or other mental health conditions online

This episode focuses on relationship-first parenting, clear boundaries, and helping teens feel understood — so they’re more likely to come to you when it really matters.

Further reading

• Help! My Teen Stopped Talking to Me
• Tips for Communicating With Your Teen
• Parenting a Defiant Teen: Expert Tips