You've rehearsed the phone call in your head.
You've set the boundary, they agreed, and then nothing changed.
Now you're wondering if the only thing left is to stop answering.
In this episode of Thoughtfully Wired, Liz David, licensed marriage and family therapist, owner of Hope in Healing Therapy, and founder of the Liz David Collective, and Jake Ross, LISW-S, founder of The Ross Wellness Group, sit with one of the hardest decisions an adult can make about their own family. Jake works from a social work lens: impact, function, what actually changes on Tuesday. Liz works from family systems: the pattern, the roles, what the rest of the family does when one relationship shifts. They don't land in the same place, and neither one talks the other out of it.
In this episode:
- What we're actually curious about when someone says "I think I need to cut my parent off"
- "Thoughtfulness isn't the absence of emotion. It's the ability to make a choice without requiring emotions to make the choice for you."
- Why siblings raised in the same house genuinely didn't grow up in the same family, and why memory isn't a transcript
- What happens to the spouse, the grandkids, and whoever becomes the messenger
- The questions worth wrestling with first, including the hardest one: what if my parent never understands?
- The option nobody mentions: this isn't only a full stop or nothing
The case: Sarah is 35, married, two young kids, agonizing for months. She set boundaries. Her parents agreed, then reverted, then told her she was too sensitive and living in the past. The no contact videos she's been watching are the first place she's felt understood, and she knows that might be shaping how she sees everything else. Her brother thinks she's overreacting. Her sister has thought about it and never moved. She ends the session saying, "I don't know if I'm looking for permission to walk away, or permission to keep trying." Jake and Liz each take the case, and one of them catches something in that sentence the other one missed entirely.
Before any of it, one thing gets said clearly: if there's ongoing abuse, coercive control, or your safety is at risk, this is a different conversation and it deserves different help.
Two therapists. Two different maps. Same destination. Hold your experiences with confidence. Hold your conclusions with humility.
Thoughtfully Wired is a conversation between two therapists, it is not therapy. If you are in crisis, please seek appropriate support.