Why is making friends as an adult so difficult—and why are female friendships often both deeply supportive and unexpectedly complicated?

Friendship may be one of the most overlooked public health assets we have. Yet it's also one of the least studied areas of psychology. In this episode, Dr. Sarah Hill sits down with UCLA friendship researcher Dr. Jaimie Krems to unpack the science behind why friendships matter, why women experience friendship differently than men, and what we can do to build stronger, healthier connections in modern life.

Dr. Jaimie Krems is a social and evolutionary psychologist at UCLA, where she directs the Social Minds Lab and the UCLA Center for Friendship Research. Her work explores one of the most important yet overlooked questions in psychology: why humans make friends, how friendships evolve, and why they profoundly shape our physical and mental health.

Together, Dr. Sarah Hill and Dr. Krems explore how friendship protects us against anxiety, depression, cardiovascular disease, and even premature death. They discuss why lacking close friends can have health consequences comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes per day, and why researchers now consider friendship a major public health issue.

The conversation also dives into what many women secretly experience but rarely discuss: why female friendships can feel both extraordinary and emotionally complicated.

The answer is yes—but it requires intentionality.

In a culture optimized for convenience and productivity, we've accidentally eliminated many of the moments that once helped friendships grow naturally.

This episode offers practical ways to bring those moments back.

1. Strong friendships improve mental health, cardiovascular health, and longevity.
2. Friendship is one of the strongest predictors of happiness across adulthood.
3. Repeated interactions are one of the simplest ways to build meaningful adult friendships.
4. Technology has unintentionally removed many opportunities that once helped friendships deepen naturally.
5. Women often prioritize fewer, deeper friendships, while men tend to maintain larger social networks.
6. Friendship deserves the same intentional investment we typically give to careers and romantic relationships.

Dr. Jaimie Krems is a social and evolutionary psychologist at UCLA, where she directs the Social Minds Lab and the UCLA Center for Friendship Research. Her research examines friendship, cooperation, social support, and the evolutionary forces that shape human relationships.

Connect with Sarah:

Website https://www.sarahehill.com/

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sarahehillphd/

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/sarahehillphd

Connect twith Jamie:

UCLA Faculty Page https://www.psych.ucla.edu/faculty-page/jkrems/

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/jaimie-krems

Instagram https://www.instagram.com/jaimie.krems/

Female sexuality is far more complex and fascinating than we’ve been taught.

In this episode of The XX Lab with Sarah Hill, Sarah sits down with pioneering sexuality researcher Dr. Cindy Meston to unpack the science of female desire, arousal, orgasm, menopause, antidepressants, birth control, and the psychology behind what actually creates satisfying sex for women.

From groundbreaking lab research measuring physiological arousal to redefining female orgasm for the World Health Organization, Dr. Meston shares decades of discoveries that challenge outdated assumptions about women’s sexuality and reveal just how much context, emotion, hormones, stress, and self-perception shape desire.

In this conversation, they explore:

• Why women’s desire works differently than men’s
• How stress, exercise, and novelty can increase arousal
• The hidden sexual side effects of hormonal birth control and antidepressants
• Why orgasm becomes easier for many women with age and experience
• How sexual schemas and body image influence intimacy across the lifespan

This episode is science-driven, deeply validating, and packed with insights every woman should hear.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your experience is “normal,” this conversation will completely change the way you think about sex, desire, and pleasure.

About this guest:

Dr. CINDY M. MESTON, PhD is a Professor of Clinical Psychology and the Director of the Sexual Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of Texas at Austin. She has received numerous international awards and accolades for her ground-breaking research on the consequences of childhood sexual abuse on adult sexuality and on the psychophysiology of women’s sexual arousal. In 2016 Meston was named one of the 100 most influential and inspirational women in the world by the BBC. Her book Why Women Have Sex (co-authored with Dr. David Buss) has been translated into twelve languages and has received extensive media coverage. Meston has published over 200 peer-reviewed academic publications, is the past president of the largest professional society for women’s sexuality, the International Society for the Scientific Study of Women’s Sexual Health, and is an endowed Fellow of the Wayne H. Holtzman Regents Chair in Psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. She has served as a consultant to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and the World Health Organization. Awards for Meston’s research include a fellowship from The Ford Foundation, NY, an International Research Award from the Athena Institute for Women’s Wellness, a Distinguished Professor Award from the Canadian Research Foundation, the Raymond Dickson Centennial Endowed Teaching Fellowship, the Wulf H. Utian Endowed Lecturer Award from the North American Menopause Society, the Career Service Award from the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health, and the International Society of Sexual Medicine Research Contribution to Sexual Medicine Award.

Connect with Dr. Meston’s work here: www.mestonlab.com

What if the life you’re chasing is already inside you?

In this episode of The XX Lab, Dr. Sarah Hill sits down with Gabby Reece to explore how self-trust, curiosity, and resilience shape a meaningful life. From growing up “feral” to navigating elite sports, modeling, motherhood, and marriage, Gabby shares how tuning out noise and listening inward became her greatest advantage.

They unpack the difference between pressure and purpose, how to handle setbacks without spiraling, and why most of us are living in imagined futures instead of reality.

In this episode:

• Why self-trust beats external expectations
• How to reframe failure and stop catastrophic thinking
• The key to lasting relationships, attraction, and personal growth

This conversation is a powerful reminder that your path isn’t something you find, it’s something you build by trusting yourself along the way.

Connect with Sarah:

http://www.sarahehill.com

Books: The Period Brain (on sale now!) | This is Your Brain on Birth Control

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