Is your six-year-old ready for a cold, hard lesson in financial reality? This week, Scotty B explores the "entitlement" of crazy sweater days while the crew debates the exact age children should be purged from the family cell phone plan (spoiler: 26 is the magic number for healthcare, but the bill is eternal). From accidental bike rides under the influence to the existential crisis of being a "divorce dad" at Trader Joe’s, the Lopez brothers are back to prove that being a "world-famous" podcaster is mostly just a fancy way of saying you talk over each other for a living.

The highlight? Fern takes us on a "wurmhole of flavor" through Nashville, where he discovers that you simply cannot trust a Mexican man without a mustache and that every meal in the South is legally required to be served on two slices of Wonder Bread. “One is for the beans, the other’s for the meat,” according to Big R’s Texas gospel. We also dive into our "Losers Bracket" NFL picks, where we’re so good at being bad that we’re actually winning by losing.

Grab your old-school AM radio and some queso—it’s time to see if "Man vs. Machine" can finally pick a winner.

🏈 "We Suck at Betting, But We're Great at Confessing" 🍫

Welcome back to the podcast that's mathematically eliminated from winning anything—except maybe the Losers Bracket championship! This week, Scotty B and Big E deep-dive into the struggles of "adulting," questioning why the internet keeps telling them they're failures because they don't own a yacht. Big E shares his highly scientific theory on why no one wants to tackle Derek Henry (hint: it involves potential clavicle breakage), while Scotty B recounts the horror of having his late-night stress-eating habit exposed.

Wait until you hear the full, gut-wrenching details of the Gingerbread House Massacre! The key takeaway? "I will get like a double cheeseburger and a McChicken, and I'll just go park at the very end of a parking lot and just eat by myself. Happily."

Press play now to hear the full story of secret fast food sessions, the world's most drunk commercial shoot, and why the Raiders are the worst franchise in the history of sports! You deserve this.

Is it possible to be so bad at gambling that you accidentally become a genius? The boys are putting that theory to the test in Week 14. After "shitting the bed" on their picks for a month straight, the Winning Parlaiy crew unveils a revolutionary new strategy: The Loser’s Bracket. Since they can’t pick a winner to save their lives, they’ve decided to bet against themselves. It’s reverse psychology, but with actual stakes.

Meanwhile, the prodigal son Fern returns from exile (the podcast bathroom) with a shocking confession: he may have accidentally committed grand larceny at a Walmart self-checkout. Tune in to hear why "a middle-aged white guy with glasses" is apparently invisible to loss prevention, witness a tearful "loving embrace" apology to Brock Purdy, and find out if picking the Jaguars is ever a good idea—even when you’re trying to lose.

Press play before Fern gets extradited to Nashville.