One of our most-loved conversations is back.

Can refusing to date bisexual men be biphobic?

In this episode of The Weight & The Wonder, Philicia Ross, LCSW-C, and Jason Herndon, PsyD, unpack the complicated conversation around dating preferences, bisexuality, gender, sexuality, and biphobia. Rather than reducing the question to a simple yes or no, they explore what may be underneath a dating preference, where personal boundaries and prejudice can intersect, and why context matters when we talk about attraction and relationships.

This episode sparked a lot of conversation, so we’re bringing it back for another listen.

Press play, revisit the conversation, and hold the weight and find the wonder.

Why do some non-Black celebrities become part of the “Black delegation”? And what does it actually mean when Black audiences feel connected to, trust, or grieve public figures who don’t share their racial or cultural identity?

In this episode of The Weight and the Wonder, Jason and Philicia unpack the cultural and psychological reasons behind that phenomenon following the deaths of Dolly Parton, Hayden Panettiere, and Tim Curry. They explore collective grief, racial socialization, representation, cultural trust, the monoculture of earlier generations, and the complicated line between cultural appreciation and appropriation.

The conversation also asks a deeper question: How do we decide who is safe? And what happens when someone we've welcomed into our cultural orbit eventually shows us a different side of themselves?

They also play a game: Who belongs in the Black delegation? Dante Basco, Chris Pine, Dakota Fanning, Laura Linney, and Timothy Chalamet all go before the panel. 😂


In This Episode:

00:00 — Highlights
00:27 — What We're Reacting To
01:42 — Welcome
05:00 — Why Do We Grieve Public Figures?
07:29 — What Are We Actually Grieving?
11:00 — Why Black Audiences Trusted Dolly Parton
14:45 — Hayden Panettiere, Representation & Shared Culture
19:32 — Why, Why Now? Making Sense of Loss
21:42 — Childhood, Music & Cultural Socialization
24:26 — The End of the Monoculture
27:14 — Racial Socialization & Who We Learn Is Safe
31:51 — Who Stays on the List?
36:19 — Cultural Trust, Mistrust & Celebrity Capital
40:25 — Cultural Appreciation vs. Cultural Appropriation
44:53 — Why Black People Are Asked to Explain Who They Love
47:26 — Trust, Tragedy & Victim Blaming
53:05 — The Black Delegation Game
01:07:18 — Final Thoughts & Join the Conversation

Who’s on your list? 👀

Which non-Black celebrities have become part of your cultural “delegation,” and what did they do to earn that trust? And who has fallen off the list and why?

Tell us in the comments!


Listen: Spotify | The Weight & the Wonder

Follow the show:
Instagram @weightandwonderpodcast
TikTok @weightandwonder

Connect with Jason & Philicia:
Jason: linkedin.com/in/jasonlherndon | somemen.substack.com
Philicia: Instagram @byphilicia and @villageofsoundmind | villageofsoundmind.co | byphilicia.substack.com

Help us reach 100 subscribers by September 22 and join the Wonder Club. Like, subscribe, and turn on notifications. New episodes every other week!

What happens when a man shows affection, expresses emotion, or presents in ways that are considered feminine? In this episode, Jason Herndon, PsyD, and Philicia Ross, LCSW-C, unpack the rigid rules of masculinity and the ways homophobia, biphobia, misogyny, and patriarchy reinforce those rules.

The conversation starts with two questions at the center of the current cultural debate: Why is a man buying his friend a birthday cake considered "gay"? And what happens when a woman finds out the man she's attracted to is bisexual? Jason and Philicia explore how behaviors coded as feminine become targets for policing, and why masculinity can become an enforcement system that limits everyone.

They also examine the idea of "preference" and when that word can become a hiding place for beliefs we haven't critically examined. The conversation moves into the history of the "down low" panic, the ways Black women have been taught to fear certain categories of Black men, and the difference between inherited fear and discernment.

From there, Jason and Philicia ask what it would actually look like to create environments where men can develop emotional depth, tenderness, friendship, and care without having to disguise those qualities. They look at examples from Love Island, Heated Rivalry, anime, sports, music, friendship, and fatherhood to explore the spaces where men already express full emotional worlds.

Ultimately, this episode isn't about telling anyone who they should date. It's about getting curious about why we want what we want, where our rules came from, and what happens when we mistake social conditioning for personal preference.

In This Episode:

00:00 Highlights

02:35 Welcome & Out Of Session

07:17 Biphobia, Homophobia & Policing Masculinity

12:33 The Rules of Traditional Masculinity

18:48 When “Preference” Becomes a Hiding Place

28:35 Why Men Hide Their Emotional Worlds

35:38 What We Take From This Conversation

38:00 Closing & Wonder Club

Wonder Club:

This week, Jason asks men to consider: Where do you still have rules you can name out loud but can't put down?

And Philicia asks women: When was the last time your "no" came with disgust attached and did you ever ask where that disgust came from?

Come talk to us about it. What did you learn growing up about what a man is allowed to be? And what did you learn about what femininity in a man meant?

Listen: Spotify | The Weight & the Wonder

Follow the show:

Instagram @weightandwonderpodcast

TikTok @weightandwonder

Connect with Jason & Philicia:

Jason: linkedin.com/in/jasonlherndon | somemen.substack.com

Philicia: Instagram @byphilicia and @villageofsoundmind | villageofsoundmind.co | byphilicia.substack.com

Help us reach 100 subscribers by September 22 and join the Wonder Club. Like, subscribe, and turn on notifications. New episodes every other week!