83 - You Don’t Owe Everyone a Relationship

Some relationships are chosen. Others arrive preloaded with expectations, roles, and a quiet assumption that you’re supposed to keep showing up forever.

In this episode of The Unlearning Curve, Stuart Delony, Karl Forehand, and JD talk about relationships, autonomy, and what happens when connection starts feeling more like obligation than choice.

The conversation begins with Fritz Perls’ reminder that none of us are here to live up to someone else’s expectations. From there, we dig into the roles we inherit through family, church, community, friendship, and social convention—and how easily those roles can masquerade as genuine connection.

Karl shares a story about realizing he didn’t actually have to maintain a relationship simply because circumstances had put someone in his orbit. That opens up a broader question: if a relationship only survives because someone feels obligated to stay in it, what exactly are we preserving?

We also talk about belonging and the price people often pay for it. Communities can offer connection, but they can also demand conformity. And if staying connected requires constantly editing yourself into a version other people find acceptable, the relationship may already be costing more than it gives.

Because connection means something precisely because it can be chosen.

In this episode:

• The difference between connection and obligation
• Why assigned roles can create resentment
• Family, friendship, and relationships we inherit rather than choose
• The pressure to maintain connections simply because they already exist
• Setting boundaries without turning them into punishment
• Why you don’t have to be friends with everyone
• Belonging, conformity, and the cost of acceptance
• What happens when authenticity threatens a relationship
• Why freely chosen connection is more meaningful than enforced loyalty
• Learning that walking away can sometimes be an honest response

The Unlearning Curve Podcast

Copyright 2025 - Stuart Delony & Karl Forehand

theunlearningcurvepodcast@gmail.com

While many of us yearn for truth and understanding, the systems we participate in often prevent us from attaining genuine freedom in our everyday lives. As we move away from organized religion, we begin to recognize patterns.

We believe that addressing many of these challenges requires us to examine all aspects of our lives, including:

* Toxic Leaders

* Toxic/Dangerous Organizations

* Our Mental Well-Being

* The Things We Learn on the Journey

Regardless of your belief system, we encourage you to unlearn anything that doesn’t benefit you. This will lead to healing and uncover a new way forward!

JD Forehand is the son of a preacher and an overseas educator. Stuart Delony is a former pastor, podcaster, and blogger for the Snarky Faith community. Karl Forehand is a former pastor who runs The Desert Sanctuary, a home for spiritual nomads, with his wife, Laura.

Disclaimer: We view ourselves as practitioners on a journey of discovery rather than as experts. While we strive to share our experiences and the lessons we’re unlearning transparently, we will also refer you to professionals when necessary. Trusted guides will arrive when you need them.

Feel free to share your thoughts, concerns, and any necessary corrections with Karl (karl4hand@gmail.com) or Stuart (stuartdelony@gmail.com). You can also visit our Facebook page, The Unlearning Curve.

82 - If God Wrote the Bible, It Should Be Better

If the Bible is supposed to be the perfect word of God, why does it look so much like something written by people?

In this episode of The Unlearning Curve, Stuart Delony, Karl Forehand, and JD take on biblical authority, inspiration, and the assumptions many Christians inherit about scripture without ever being encouraged to examine them.

The conversation starts with a simple challenge: if God wrote the Bible, shouldn’t it be better?

From there, we dig into contradictions, historical context, patriarchal interpretations, and the problem with treating a collection of ancient writings as though it were a single, seamless instruction manual for every person in every century.

We also talk about what gets lost when letters written to specific communities are turned into universal commands. Pulling one passage out of context and declaring it eternally binding can look a lot like grabbing one email from the middle of a long thread and insisting you now understand the whole conversation.

And beneath all of it is a larger question: when Christians say “the Bible says,” who actually gets to decide what the Bible means?

Because interpretation never disappears. Someone is always choosing which passages matter, which context gets ignored, which contradictions need explaining, and which ancient instructions somehow still apply.

In this episode:

• Why biblical authority deserves scrutiny
• Inspiration, inerrancy, and divine authorship
• Reading the Bible as a library rather than a single book
• Why historical and cultural context matters
• Paul’s letters and the problem of universalizing correspondence
• How scripture has been used to reinforce patriarchy
• Contradictions and competing voices within the biblical text
• The difference between valuing scripture and surrendering authority to it
• Who actually gets to decide what “the Bible says”

The Unlearning Curve Podcast

Copyright 2025 - Stuart Delony & Karl Forehand

theunlearningcurvepodcast@gmail.com

While many of us yearn for truth and understanding, the systems we participate in often prevent us from attaining genuine freedom in our everyday lives. As we move away from organized religion, we begin to recognize patterns.

We believe that addressing many of these challenges requires us to examine all aspects of our lives, including:

* Toxic Leaders

* Toxic/Dangerous Organizations

* Our Mental Well-Being

* The Things We Learn on the Journey

Regardless of your belief system, we encourage you to unlearn anything that doesn’t benefit you. This will lead to healing and uncover a new way forward!

JD Forehand is the son of a preacher and an overseas educator. Stuart Delony is a former pastor, podcaster, and blogger for the Snarky Faith community. Karl Forehand is a former pastor who runs The Desert Sanctuary, a home for spiritual nomads, with his wife, Laura.

Disclaimer: We view ourselves as practitioners on a journey of discovery rather than as experts. While we strive to share our experiences and the lessons we’re unlearning transparently, we will also refer you to professionals when necessary. Trusted guides will arrive when you need them.

Feel free to share your thoughts, concerns, and any necessary corrections with Karl (karl4hand@gmail.com) or Stuart (stuartdelony@gmail.com). You can also visit our Facebook page, The Unlearning Curve.

Dolly Parton: Faith, Generosity, and a Life Bigger Than Dogma

Dolly Parton spent her life talking openly about faith. Somehow, she also avoided turning it into a weapon.

In this episode of The Unlearning Curve, Stuart Delony, Karl Forehand, and JD reflect on Dolly Parton’s life, legacy, and the version of Christianity she embodied—one built less around policing other people and more around actually loving them.

We talk about Dolly’s journey from poverty in East Tennessee to global fame, her remarkable generosity, the Imagination Library, and her willingness to remain inclusive even when parts of her Christian audience pushed back.

There’s also the business side of Dolly: an artist who could be generous without pretending her work had no value. From retaining control of her music to refusing deals that required giving away ownership, she showed that kindness and boundaries aren't mutually exclusive.

And beneath it all is a larger question: Why did Dolly’s faith seem so different from the Christianity that dominates so much of American public life?

Maybe because she spent considerably less time deciding who deserved love and considerably more time giving it.

In this episode:

• Remembering Dolly Parton and her cultural legacy
• Growing up poor without romanticizing poverty
• The faith that shaped Dolly—and the dogma she refused to inherit wholesale
• Her support for LGBTQ+ people despite religious criticism
• The Imagination Library and generosity as something you actually do
• Why generosity doesn’t require surrendering ownership or boundaries
• Dolly, Elvis, and I Will Always Love You
• The difference between professing Christian values and practicing them
• What Dolly’s life says about faith, humanity, and leaving the world better than you found it

The Unlearning Curve Podcast

Copyright 2025 - Stuart Delony & Karl Forehand

theunlearningcurvepodcast@gmail.com

While many of us yearn for truth and understanding, the systems we participate in often prevent us from attaining genuine freedom in our everyday lives. As we move away from organized religion, we begin to recognize patterns. We believe that addressing many of these challenges requires us to examine all aspects of our lives, including:

* Toxic Leaders

* Toxic/Dangerous Organizations

* Our Mental Well-Being

* The Things We Learn on the Journey

Regardless of your belief system, we encourage you to unlearn anything that doesn’t benefit you. This will lead to healing and uncover a new way forward!

JD Forehand is the son of a preacher and an overseas educator. Stuart Delony is a former pastor, podcaster, and blogger for the Snarky Faith community. Karl Forehand is a former pastor who runs The Desert Sanctuary, a home for spiritual nomads, with his wife, Laura.

Disclaimer: We view ourselves as practitioners on a journey of discovery rather than as experts. While we strive to share our experiences and the lessons we’re unlearning transparently, we will also refer you to professionals when necessary. Trusted guides will arrive when you need them.

Feel free to share your thoughts, concerns, and any necessary corrections with Karl (karl4hand@gmail.com) or Stuart (stuartdelony@gmail.com). You can also visit our Facebook page, The Unlearning Curve.

The Unlearning Curve is a conversation about dismantling what we inherited, keeping what matters, and figuring out what comes next.

What happens when the faith meant to save you becomes the thing you need to escape?

In this episode of The Unlearning Curve, we sit down with Rev. Heather Foy—writer, podcast host, and advocate for people navigating life beyond high-control religion.

Heather grew up in her father’s church, surrounded by rigid theology, authoritarian structures, and religious abuse. Her eventual path through deconstruction and seminary forced her to confront the distance between what churches claim to believe and how they often treat people who don’t fit neatly inside the system.

We talk about religious trauma, shame, gender roles, cult-like dynamics in high-control churches, and the connection Heather sees between Christian nationalism and authoritarian religion. We also dig into something deceptively difficult: learning to listen to people whose experiences challenge the theology you inherited.

Because sometimes unlearning isn’t about abandoning everything you believed.

It’s about figuring out what was actually worth keeping.

Topics include:

• Growing up inside an authoritarian church
• Religious trauma and deconstruction
• What seminary changed—and didn’t
• Shame as a tool of religious control
• Cult-like dynamics in high-control Christianity
• Christian nationalism and authoritarianism
• Listening to women and marginalized voices
• Building a spiritual life beyond rigid dogma

Join Stuart, Karl, and JD for a conversation about faith, freedom, and what happens when you finally give yourself permission to question the system.

The Unlearning Curve Podcast

Copyright 2025 - Stuart Delony & Karl Forehand

theunlearningcurvepodcast@gmail.com

While many of us yearn for truth and understanding, the systems we participate in often prevent us from attaining genuine freedom in our everyday lives. As we move away from organized religion, we begin to recognize patterns. We believe that addressing many of these challenges requires us to examine all aspects of our lives, including:

* Toxic Leaders

* Toxic/Dangerous Organizations

* Our Mental Well-Being

* The Things We Learn on the Journey

Regardless of your belief system, we encourage you to unlearn anything that doesn’t benefit you. This will lead to healing and uncover a new way forward!

JD Forehand is the son of a preacher and an overseas educator. Stuart Delony is a former pastor, podcaster, and blogger for the Snarky Faith community. Karl Forehand is a former pastor who runs The Desert Sanctuary, a home for spiritual nomads, with his wife, Laura.

Disclaimer: We view ourselves as practitioners on a journey of discovery rather than as experts. While we strive to share our experiences and the lessons we’re unlearning transparently, we will also refer you to professionals when necessary. Trusted guides will arrive when you need them.

Feel free to share your thoughts, concerns, and any necessary corrections with Karl (karl4hand@gmail.com) or Stuart (stuartdelony@gmail.com). You can also visit our Facebook page, The Unlearning Curve.

79 - VBS Is Grooming? The Double Standard of Indoctrination When does outreach become indoctrination—and who decides?

On this episode of The Unlearning Curve, Stuart, Karl, and JD dig into the argument behind Stuart’s article, VBS Is Grooming, and the uncomfortable similarities between religious outreach, indoctrination, and the broader process of shaping children’s beliefs before they’re equipped to question them.

The conversation starts with an important distinction: indoctrination isn’t simply teaching someone what you believe, and grooming isn’t limited to sexual abuse. Both can involve creating trust, controlling alternatives, normalizing expectations, and making certain beliefs or behaviors feel inevitable.

From Vacation Bible School and church camps to public education, the guys examine a striking cultural double standard. Churches openly design programs to bring children into a particular worldview and call it outreach. Meanwhile, many of the same religious communities accuse teachers of “indoctrinating” kids simply for acknowledging diversity, inclusion, or viewpoints they don’t approve of.

So what makes one influence acceptable and the other dangerous?

Maybe the answer has less to do with whether children are being influenced—and more to do with who gets to do the influencing.

The Unlearning Curve Podcast

Copyright 2025 - Stuart Delony & Karl Forehand

theunlearningcurvepodcast@gmail.com

While many of us yearn for truth and understanding, the systems we participate in often prevent us from attaining genuine freedom in our everyday lives. As we move away from organized religion, we begin to recognize patterns. We believe that addressing many of these challenges requires us to examine all aspects of our lives, including:

* Toxic Leaders

* Toxic/Dangerous Organizations

* Our Mental Well-Being

* The Things We Learn on the Journey

Regardless of your belief system, we encourage you to unlearn anything that doesn’t benefit you. This will lead to healing and uncover a new way forward!

JD Forehand is the son of a preacher and an overseas educator. Stuart Delony is a former pastor, podcaster, and blogger for the Snarky Faith community. Karl Forehand is a former pastor who runs The Desert Sanctuary, a home for spiritual nomads, with his wife, Laura.

Disclaimer: We view ourselves as practitioners on a journey of discovery rather than as experts. While we strive to share our experiences and the lessons we’re unlearning transparently, we will also refer you to professionals when necessary. Trusted guides will arrive when you need them.

Feel free to convey your thoughts, concerns, and necessary corrections to Karl (karl4hand@gmail.com) or Stuart (stuartdelony@gmail.com). You can also visit our Facebook page, The Unlearning Curve.

78 - Your Faith Is Not My Law What happens when religious freedom turns into religious rule?

On this episode of The Unlearning Curve, Stuart, Karl, and Jordan start with Jordan’s recent trip to Malaysia and its dual legal system, where civil law exists alongside Sharia law for Muslims. That leads to a larger question: if Christians in America want laws based on their religious beliefs, why should everyone else have to live under them?

The conversation moves through Christian nationalism, the separation of church and state, the mythology of Christian persecution, and the gap between claiming religious freedom and demanding political control.

They also look at the real-world consequences of policies shaped by conservative religious ideology, particularly around sex education, healthcare, poverty, and personal autonomy.

At the center of it all is a simple distinction: you are free to practice your religion. You are not entitled to make everyone else practice it too.

The Unlearning Curve Podcast

Copyright 2025 - Stuart Delony & Karl Forehand

theunlearningcurvepodcast@gmail.com

While many of us yearn for truth and understanding, the systems we participate in often prevent us from attaining genuine freedom in our everyday lives. As we move away from organized religion, we begin to recognize patterns. We believe that addressing many of these challenges requires us to examine all aspects of our lives, including:

* Toxic Leaders

* Toxic/Dangerous Organizations

* Our Mental Well-Being

* The Things We Learn on the Journey

Regardless of your belief system, we encourage you to unlearn anything that doesn’t benefit you. This will lead to healing and uncover a new way forward!

JD Forehand is the son of a preacher and an overseas educator. Stuart Delony is a former pastor, podcaster, and blogger for the Snarky Faith community. Karl Forehand is a former pastor who runs The Desert Sanctuary, a home for spiritual nomads, with his wife, Laura.

Disclaimer: We view ourselves as practitioners on a journey of discovery rather than as experts. While we strive to share our experiences and the lessons we’re unlearning transparently, we will also refer you to professionals when necessary. Trusted guides will arrive when you need them.

Feel free to convey your thoughts, concerns, and necessary corrections to Karl (karl4hand@gmail.com) or Stuart (stuartdelony@gmail.com). You can also visit our Facebook page, The Unlearning Curve.

77 - When Churches Handle Crimes Like Sin Sexual assault is a crime. Somehow, inside many churches, it gets turned into a discipleship issue.

On this episode of The Unlearning Curve, Stuart, Karl, and Jordan dig into how churches—particularly high-control evangelical environments—have handled allegations of sexual abuse, and why the process so often protects institutions and people with power rather than victims.

The conversation looks at the biblical and cultural assumptions underneath those systems: confronting your offender, taking the matter to male church leadership, pressure to forgive, fear of damaging the church’s reputation, and the tendency to treat criminal behavior as “sexual sin” that can be handled internally.

They also examine the deeper problem: when scripture, authority, and institutional self-preservation all occupy the same room, accountability can disappear remarkably fast.

Sexual assault does not become less criminal because it happened inside a church. And forgiveness is not an investigative procedure.

Content note: This episode includes discussion of sexual assault, rape, and abuse within religious communities.

The Unlearning Curve Podcast

Copyright 2025 - Stuart Delony & Karl Forehand

theunlearningcurvepodcast@gmail.com

While many of us yearn for truth and understanding, the systems we participate in often prevent us from attaining genuine freedom in our everyday lives. As we move away from organized religion, we begin to recognize patterns. We believe that addressing many of these challenges requires us to examine all aspects of our lives, including:

* Toxic Leaders

* Toxic/Dangerous Organizations

* Our Mental Well-Being

* The Things We Learn on the Journey

Regardless of your belief system, we encourage you to unlearn anything that doesn’t benefit you. This will lead to healing and uncover a new way forward!

JD Forehand is the son of a preacher and an overseas educator. Stuart Delony is a former pastor, podcaster, and blogger for the Snarky Faith community. Karl Forehand is a former pastor who runs The Desert Sanctuary, a home for spiritual nomads, with his wife, Laura.

Disclaimer: We view ourselves as practitioners on a journey of discovery rather than as experts. While we strive to share our experiences and the lessons we’re unlearning transparently, we will also refer you to professionals when necessary. Trusted guides will arrive when you need them.

Feel free to convey your thoughts, concerns, and necessary corrections to Karl (karl4hand@gmail.com) or Stuart (stuartdelony@gmail.com). You can also visit our Facebook page, The Unlearning Curve.

76 - Caleb Mayfield - What Outlasts the Church Some friendships survive distance, changing beliefs, adulthood, and all the strange machinery of life. Sometimes loss reminds us they’re still there.

On this episode of The Unlearning Curve, Caleb Mayfield joins the conversation to talk about old friendships, sudden loss, and what pushed him to start reconnecting with people he’d let drift away. Along the way, the conversation wanders back through childhood, youth group, and the realization that sometimes what mattered most about church wasn’t the theology — it was having somewhere to go and people who knew your name.

It’s a conversation about grief, connection, growing up, and the relationships that can outlast the systems where we first found them.

The Unlearning Curve Podcast

Copyright 2025 - Stuart Delony & Karl Forehand

theunlearningcurvepodcast@gmail.com

While many of us yearn for truth and understanding, the systems we participate in often prevent us from attaining genuine freedom in our everyday lives. As we move away from organized religion, we begin to recognize patterns. We believe that addressing many of these challenges requires us to examine all aspects of our lives, including:

* Toxic Leaders

* Toxic/Dangerous Organizations

* Our Mental Well-Being

* The Things We Learn on the Journey

Regardless of your belief system, we encourage you to unlearn anything that doesn’t benefit you. This will lead to healing and uncover a new way forward!

JD Forehand is the son of a preacher and an overseas educator. Stuart Delony is a former pastor, podcaster, and blogger for the Snarky Faith community. Karl Forehand is a former pastor who runs The Desert Sanctuary, a home for spiritual nomads, with his wife, Laura.

Disclaimer: We view ourselves as practitioners on a journey of discovery rather than as experts. While we strive to share our experiences and the lessons we’re unlearning transparently, we will also refer you to professionals when necessary. Trusted guides will arrive when you need them.

Feel free to convey your thoughts, concerns, and necessary corrections to Karl (karl4hand@gmail.com) or Stuart (stuartdelony@gmail.com). Additionally, visit our Facebook page, The Unlearning Curve.