What if co-parenting conflict didn’t have to be a debate about who is right and who is wrong? In this episode of Coparenting Beyond Conflict, Sol sits down with attorney, former judge, and mediator Sam Imperati to explore a different way of approaching conflict: moving from debate to exploration.

Sam shares what he learned from decades in litigation, on the bench, and in mediation—including why even the “winner” in a courtroom battle may walk away feeling depleted. He explains how conflict can become a self-perpetuating cycle of suspicion, documentation, and preparing for the next battle, with children caught in the middle.

The conversation centers on Sam’s “umbrella question,” a framework for identifying both parents’ needs while keeping their shared interests—and the best interests of their children—as the true north. Sol and Sam also discuss empathy, reasonableness, mediation, the “co-parent echo,” and how humor can sometimes help reset a tense interaction.

Links

Learn more about Sam Imperati and ICM Resolutions: https://www.icmresolutions.com/

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Keywords

co-parenting conflict, high conflict co-parenting, conflict resolution, mediation, co-parenting communication, umbrella question, collaborative co-parenting, divorce mediation, family court, co-parenting disputes, parenting conflict, children and divorce, emotional reactivity, empathy, negotiation, conflict management, parallel parenting, BestInterest, Sam Imperati

Key Takeaways

• Co-parenting conflict can become a cycle of suspicion, documentation, and preparing for the next battle.
• Focusing on the best interests of the children can provide a shared “true north” during difficult disagreements.
• The umbrella question shifts a conversation from debating positions to exploring both parents’ underlying needs and interests.
• Empathy and acknowledging the other parent’s perspective don’t require you to abandon your own position.
• Reasonableness, balance, and credibility can be powerful tools in conflict.
• A neutral third party can help create space for productive dialogue when direct negotiation has become difficult.
• Appropriate humor can sometimes reduce tension and help people reset during conflict.
• The goal isn’t always to win the argument—it’s to find a solution that works for the people involved.

Chapter Highlights

00:00 — Welcome & Meet Sam Imperati
01:05 — Where Sam Finds Peace
01:39 — From “Pit Bull” Attorney to Mediator
02:40 — What Sam Learned From the Bench
04:10 — When Winning Doesn’t Feel Like Winning
05:45 — When Co-Parenting Becomes a Case File
06:41 — Finding Your True North
07:46 — What Are We Teaching Our Kids?
08:35 — The Umbrella Question
11:57 — Who Belongs Under the Umbrella?
12:32 — Does Collaboration Make You Look Weak?
15:10 — The Co-Parent Echo
15:52 — Turning the Echo Into Preparation
18:24 — Why Reasonableness Matters
20:30 — Sam’s Unexpected Career in Comedy
22:18 — Humor in the Courtroom
23:55 — Can Humor Help in Conflict?
24:46 — Using Self-Deprecating Humor
25:48 — Lightning Round
28:18 — When Is a Dispute Resolvable?
28:40 — When One Parent Won’t Collaborate
30:03 — The Value of Reality Therapy
32:04 — Finding a Better Way Forward
32:17 — Where to Find Sam

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