When IVF fails and you’re childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with “at least you can…” comments.

But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman.

Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.

Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable

Have you ever been told “At least you can travel” or “At least you don’t have to pay for college” after your IVF failed? If you’re childless after infertility, you know how painful and dismissive these “at least you can” comments feel. People think they’re comforting, but they rarely land that way.

In this week’s episode of The So Now What? Podcast, I explore what these comments really mean, why they don’t help, and how to stop internalizing the silent message they send — that sadness, disappointment, and grief are emotions you shouldn’t feel.

You’ll hear:

• Why people reach for “at least” comments and what it reveals about society’s discomfort with sadness

• How my nephew’s recent soccer injury reminded me of our instinct to erase someone else’s sadness

• The connection between these comments and what we hear when IVF fails

• Why sadness is not a flaw but proof that something mattered to you

• How to hold both infertility grief and the good that still exists in your life

• Why rediscovering your identity as a childless woman can shift your story from loss to strength

This episode also celebrates the 4-year anniversary of The So Now What? Podcast. Four years of creating a community for women who were left without resources after fertility treatments ended without a baby.

Free Resources & Upcoming Events

• Free Class: Wednesday, Sept 17: Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond Without Spiraling or Shutting Down). Morning/afternoon in the US, evening in Europe. Register here!

• World Childless Week: Saturday, Sept 20: I’m leading a panel called Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman at 8 AM CT / 2 PM BST. Join us live or catch the replay. Register here!

• Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond) Download it for free. CLICK HERE!

☕ Help me celebrate 4 years of The “So Now What?” Podcast!
If this podcast has supported you, would you leave a rating or review? Reviews help more women who are grieving infertility discover this resource.

As a thank-you, I’ll send you a $5 Starbucks gift card.

👉 Here’s how to claim it:

1. Follow the step-by-step directions here to leave your rating or review.
   
   Take a screenshot once your review is posted.

2. Email it to me here: hi@lanamanikowski.com
   
   

When I receive your screenshot, I’ll send you a Starbucks gift card as my thank-you for celebrating this milestone with me.

Sadness doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Grief after infertility is real, but it doesn’t define your whole story. Listen to Episode 183: Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable to learn how to stop internalizing “at least you can” comments and start creating space for both your grief and your growth.

When IVF fails, your brain can feel like the enemy, spiraling with infertility triggers, constant comparison, and the grief of being childless after infertility. In this episode, you will discover why your brain reacts this way when fertility treatments do not work, and three simple practices to begin calming your mind and finding peace.

Have you ever felt fine one moment, and then a single pregnancy announcement, bump photo, or piece of unsolicited advice left you spiraling? If IVF failed you and you are now childless, your brain may feel like the enemy. But the truth is, your brain is just trying to protect you.

In Episode 182 of The “So Now What?” Podcast, you will discover why your brain works the way it does after infertility and how to start rewiring it so you can feel calmer, steadier, and more in control of your story.

You will learn:

• Why your “smoke alarm brain” gets so sensitive after IVF fails and infertility treatments end

• What it means to “name it” when you feel yourself reacting (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn)

• How to look for glimmers of safety that calm your nervous system faster than pep talks

• Why bridge thoughts are more believable and more healing than toxic positivity

• How shifting the way you respond to infertility triggers helps you reclaim peace and confidence in your childless life

Once you stop seeing your body and brain as the enemy, everything changes: your friendships, your marriage, your time, and your ability to create a meaningful future without children.

Announcements

🌍 World Childless Week
On Saturday, September 20th at 2pm BST (8am CT / 9am ET) I am honored to be leading a panel: Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.

Each panelist has walked a unique path through autoimmune conditions, male factor infertility, singlehood, and female factor infertility. Together, we will share reflections on moving from “hopeful mother” to confident women living life on our own terms.

This is not a conversation about what was lost. It is about what is possible. If you are ready to feel proud of the woman you are, with no disclaimers and no shame, this is for you.
Register here

🎓 Free Live Masterclass
I am hosting another session of Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond), this time scheduled to fit international listeners. It is happening on September 18th at 11:30am CT / 5:30pm BST.

This is a brand new class, not a replay. If you have ever frozen, shut down, or replayed conversations after someone made a comment about your childlessness, this live call will give you practical language and mindset tools to respond with confidence.
Register here

Free Resource

Get my free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)
Download your copy here

You do not have to stay stuck in autopilot reactions. Your brain is not broken, it just needs a new way forward. Tune in now to learn how to begin calming your brain after IVF fails so you can feel safe, steady, and proud of the life you are creating without children.

If you are childless after infertility, what kind of legacy are you leaving?

When IVF, IUI, or years of trying to conceive did not lead to the family you dreamed of, it can feel like your story has nowhere to go. Like your legacy disappeared along with the possibility of motherhood. But what if you could create a legacy that does not depend on having a child?

In this episode of The “So Now What?” Podcast, Lana shares a deeply personal reflection on what legacy really means when you are childless not by choice. Inspired by her grandfather’s 118th birthday and the stories passed down about the life he lived, she challenges the belief that legacy begins when you are gone or only matters if you are remembered by children.

Your legacy is how you show up in your life today. It is how you treat yourself, how you treat others, and how you decide to keep living even when life turned out differently than you hoped.

• What a childless legacy really is, and why it matters now more than ever
  
  

• Why waiting to be remembered is keeping you from feeling fulfilled
  
  

• How to reflect your values in your day-to-day life

• A new way to define meaning and purpose after infertility

• Why you do not have to wait for someone else to tell your story

• A challenge to start building your legacy now, not later

If you have ever wondered how to create a life that feels meaningful without the children you dreamed of, this episode will speak directly to you.

“Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)”
Learn how to respond with calm, confidence, and clarity to the unsolicited comments and advice that often come your way after infertility.
Register here!

• Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond
  Download it here: lanamanikowski.com/thingspeoplesay

• Join the Back-to-School Photo Challenge
  Tired of feeling invisible while everyone posts pictures of their kids? Post a photo of you and celebrate who you are in this season. Tag @lana.manikowski on Instagram to join the challenge.

• Read the Book:
  So Now What? by Lana Manikowski – A guide for women living childless after infertility

• Book a Thrive Call:
  If you are ready to stop wondering what is next and start shaping a life that feels good again, schedule your free Thrive Call here
  
  

You do not need a child to create a legacy.
You just need to decide how you want to live yours.

Have you ever walked into a room and instantly thought, “I’m the only one here without kids”?
That sinking feeling in your body is what is known as othering. Othering happens when you are seen, or you see yourself, as separate because you do not fit a societal mold.

If you are childless after infertility or your IVF journey ended without the child you dreamed of, you know how often othering can happen. You get left out of conversations, your life experiences are dismissed, or someone makes a comment that forces you to explain why you do not have children. But here is something you might not have considered. You may be keeping yourself in that “other” role without even realizing it.

In this episode, you will discover how you might be self-othering and how to shift the way you show up so you feel more connected and less defined by childlessness. I share why this topic is so personal to me after my own seven-year journey through IVF failed and ended without a child. You will learn the exact mindset shift that helped me stop letting “childless” be my headline and start introducing myself in ways that made me feel confident and part of the room.

You will learn how to:

• Recognize when you are self-othering without realizing it

• Stop letting childlessness become your whole identity

• Walk into social settings feeling prepared to lead the conversation with who you are beyond motherhood

• Use simple questions to connect with friends, family, and colleagues without the focus being on parenting

• See yourself as more than the one without kids so others can too
  
  

I also share a Thrive After Infertility client story that shows how one small change in how you show up can completely change how you are seen and how you feel in social situations.

If you have been feeling disconnected, overlooked, or like you will never belong in rooms where most people are parents, this episode will help you step out of the “other” box, create your own sense of belonging, and feel empowered in any setting.

Free Class: Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)
Learn practical ways to handle comments without shutting down or feeling small. Register here!

Thrive After Infertility: 12 Week Coaching Program
Work with me to create a life you love even without the children you dreamed of Learn more here

Book Your Free 45 Minute Thrive Call HERE!
In this call, you and I will create a plan for how you can start thriving and loving your life after infertility. Book your call

Follow me on Instagram @lana.manikowski

If you are ready to stop letting childlessness define your story and start living in a way that reflects all of who you are, press play on this episode now.

If you are childless after infertility, you have probably been on both sides of the spectrum: staying silent because you do not have the words or emotional energy to talk about your journey, and then overexplaining to justify that you “did enough” to try to become a mom.

In this episode of The So Now What? Podcast, we talk about the exhausting pressure to explain why you did not keep going with fertility treatments, adoption, or donor eggs, and how to protect your peace when people ask intrusive questions.

I share a personal passage from Chapter 1 of my bestselling book So Now What? about the moment I learned my final embryo was not viable, and how that phone call ended my fertility journey but not my life.

You will learn why the way you tell your story is one of the most powerful tools you have, and how you can start telling it in a way that feels true, peaceful, and rooted in who you are now as a woman without children.

This is the exact work I do with my clients inside Thrive After Infertility. I help you reclaim your story, stop overexplaining, and feel confident and proud in conversations about your life, even when it turned out differently than you dreamed.

• The two extremes: staying silent vs. overexplaining your childlessness

• Why overexplaining feels like putting your pain on trial

• How to stop offering your grief as “evidence” to be believed

• A real-life excerpt from my book So Now What?

• How to start telling your story on your terms without apology

• Why this shift changes how you feel about yourself in every room you walk into

• Register for my free live class on Auguat 26, 2025 : Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)

• Download your free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)

• Download Chapter 1 of my book So Now What?: Get it here

• Book your free Thrive Call: Schedule here

If you are ready to create a life you love without the children you dreamed of and finally feel rooted, confident, and proud of who you are, I can help you get there.

What if the hardest part of infertility wasn’t just the treatments… but the fact that no one even knew how hard you tried?

In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, we’re talking about an overlooked reality: what it feels like to go through years of IVF and fertility treatments and never even get a positive pregnancy test.

No bump.

No loss others can see. Just you, quietly rearranging your life around the hope of motherhood… with nothing to show for it when it didn’t work.

This is for you if you’re childless after infertility and have felt the sting of being dismissed, forgotten, or misunderstood because your story doesn’t come with "visible" grief.

Here’s what we cover:

• Why IVF without pregnancy leaves a haunting silence around your story
  
  

• The reality of disenfranchised grief when you’re infertile and childless
  
  

• Why comparing your pain to others doesn’t bring healing, it brings shame
  
  

• The myth that you have to love your story in order to find peace
  
  

• How to stop minimizing your experience and start creating a future you feel proud of
  
  

• What it looks like to reclaim your voice and move forward without motherhood
  
  

You don’t have to keep shrinking your grief or hiding your truth just to make others comfortable.
This episode reminds you that you were in it.
And that’s enough to matter.

If you’ve ever wondered whether your story counts because you never got pregnant—this episode is your reminder:

You don’t need proof to be seen.
You don’t need a baby to validate your grief.
You were there. You gave everything.
And that matters.

✨ Mentioned in this episode:

📆 Free Masterclass: “Things People Say (and How to Respond)”
Join me on Tuesday, August 26 at 6pm CT for a powerful free class where I’ll teach you how to navigate comments about your motherhood status—without spiraling, shutting down, or feeling like you need to justify anything.
Register here.

📘 Download Chapter 1 of my book “So Now What?” FREE
The day I found out I’d never become a mom, and what happened next.

📝 Click HERE - Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless (and How to Respond)

📺 Watch this episode on YouTube
👉 https://www.youtube.com/@lana.manikowski

Let’s connect:

🌐 Website: https://www.lanamanikowski.com
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lana.manikowski/
🎵 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lana.manikowski
📕 Buy my book: https://www.lanamanikowski.com/book

You love your friends. You’ve grown up together, lived through milestones, and shared so many memories. But now they’re raising kids, and you’re navigating life after infertility. You’re the only one in the group chat without a child, and suddenly, the conversations feel distant.

Do you go and feel left out?

Or do you stay home and feel even more alone?

In this episode of The "So Now What?" Podcast, Lana shares the story of reuniting with three of her closest college friends (all moms) and what it now feels like to show up to these friendships as a proud, childless woman.

Years ago, she would have dodged the invitation. But now? She’s looking forward to it—and she shares exactly how that shift became possible.

If you’ve ever:

• Avoided girls’ weekends or coffee dates because you're childless after infertility
  
  

• Sat through motherhood conversations feeling invisible or irrelevant
  
  

• Wondered if your friendships could survive your childlessness
  
  

...this episode will help you imagine what’s possible when you no longer feel like the outsider.

💭 Imagine going to a girls’ weekend and not faking a single smile.
💭 Imagine feeling proud of your story and connected to your friends, even if their lives look different from yours.
💭 Imagine leaving your reunion feeling recharged and in love with the life you’re building.

This is what thriving after infertility can look like.

Lana also shares how this kind of transformation is possible through the work she does in the Thrive After Infertility Mastermind—and how you can begin by joining her free masterclass.

🎓 FREE CLASS: How to Respond to the Things People Say When You’re Childless
On Tuesday, August 26th at 6pm CT, Lana is teaching a free class to help you respond to unsolicited comments about your motherhood status—without spiraling, shutting down, or plotting someone’s demise in the grocery store.

🔗 Register here: https://lana-manikowski.myflodesk.com/masterclass

🔗 Links Mentioned in This Episode:

✨ Register HERE for the Free Masterclass (August 26)

📞 Book Your Free 45-Minute Thrive Call HERE:

📘 Click HERE to Buy My #1 Bestselling Book, So Now What?:

📱 Follow Me on Instagram:

📺 Watch on YouTube:

🎵 Follow Me on TikTok:

If you are a woman who is childless not by choice, you know the heartbreak of infertility does not end when treatments stop. You might still feel like shame and guilt are following you around every day.

In this episode, you will hear why infertility shame and secrecy can stay with you for years after IVF or other fertility treatments. Lana shares insights from a 1998 doctoral thesis that described shame as the central emotion of infertility and explains why so little has changed in how women feel about themselves today.

You will discover how guilt convinces you that infertility was your fault, how secrecy keeps you isolated, and why infertility does not define your worth or your future.

If you are tired of feeling like you failed or like you are living life on the sidelines, this conversation will help you imagine how thriving after infertility is possible for you.

• Why shame is often the hidden part of infertility no one talks about

• How guilt after IVF or failed fertility treatments can feel like punishment

• What happens when secrecy becomes your coping mechanism

• A client story showing how she went from feeling invisible to creating a life she is proud of

• How infertility coaching can help you rebuild your identity and confidence without children

You do not have to keep guessing how to feel like yourself again after infertility. That is exactly what the Thrive Method is for.

Inside Thrive After Infertility, you will learn how to:

• Rebuild confidence in who you are without motherhood as your identity

• Reconnect with your partner and friendships you have been avoiding

• Create milestones that bring purpose and joy to your next decades

If you are ready to stop living in guilt and shame and start creating a life you love, book your free 45-minute Thrive Call.

📘 Download your free guide:
The Top 27 Things People Say When You Are Childless (and How to Respond Authentically)
Get your copy

🌟 Explore Thrive After Infertility:
Learn more about the 12-week coaching program for women who are ready to thrive without the children they dreamed of.
Explore the program

💬 Book Your Thrive Call:
Create a plan to rebuild your identity and find clarity about what is next.
Schedule your call

✨ Follow Lana for more inspiration:
Instagram | TikTok | YouTube

If you know a woman who is childless after infertility and still carrying shame or guilt, please share this episode. She deserves to know she is not alone and there is a way to create a life she is proud of.