When IVF fails and you’re childless after infertility, people often try to cheer you up with “at least you can…” comments.

But what these comments really reveal is how uncomfortable our society is with sadness. In this episode, I share how a recent injury reminded me of that cultural reflex, why sadness is not a flaw, and how you can create room for both grief and growth as a childless woman.

Plus: details on my free class September 17 and my World Childless Week panel on September 20, Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.

Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable

Have you ever been told “At least you can travel” or “At least you don’t have to pay for college” after your IVF failed? If you’re childless after infertility, you know how painful and dismissive these “at least you can” comments feel. People think they’re comforting, but they rarely land that way.

In this week’s episode of The So Now What? Podcast, I explore what these comments really mean, why they don’t help, and how to stop internalizing the silent message they send — that sadness, disappointment, and grief are emotions you shouldn’t feel.

You’ll hear:

• Why people reach for “at least” comments and what it reveals about society’s discomfort with sadness

• How my nephew’s recent soccer injury reminded me of our instinct to erase someone else’s sadness

• The connection between these comments and what we hear when IVF fails

• Why sadness is not a flaw but proof that something mattered to you

• How to hold both infertility grief and the good that still exists in your life

• Why rediscovering your identity as a childless woman can shift your story from loss to strength

This episode also celebrates the 4-year anniversary of The So Now What? Podcast. Four years of creating a community for women who were left without resources after fertility treatments ended without a baby.

Free Resources & Upcoming Events

• Free Class: Wednesday, Sept 17: Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond Without Spiraling or Shutting Down). Morning/afternoon in the US, evening in Europe. Register here!

• World Childless Week: Saturday, Sept 20: I’m leading a panel called Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman at 8 AM CT / 2 PM BST. Join us live or catch the replay. Register here!

• Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond) Download it for free. CLICK HERE!

☕ Help me celebrate 4 years of The “So Now What?” Podcast!
If this podcast has supported you, would you leave a rating or review? Reviews help more women who are grieving infertility discover this resource.

As a thank-you, I’ll send you a $5 Starbucks gift card.

👉 Here’s how to claim it:

1. Follow the step-by-step directions here to leave your rating or review.
   
   Take a screenshot once your review is posted.

2. Email it to me here: hi@lanamanikowski.com
   
   

When I receive your screenshot, I’ll send you a Starbucks gift card as my thank-you for celebrating this milestone with me.

Sadness doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Grief after infertility is real, but it doesn’t define your whole story. Listen to Episode 183: Sadness and Infertility: When It Feels Uncomfortable to learn how to stop internalizing “at least you can” comments and start creating space for both your grief and your growth.

When IVF fails, your brain can feel like the enemy, spiraling with infertility triggers, constant comparison, and the grief of being childless after infertility. In this episode, you will discover why your brain reacts this way when fertility treatments do not work, and three simple practices to begin calming your mind and finding peace.

Have you ever felt fine one moment, and then a single pregnancy announcement, bump photo, or piece of unsolicited advice left you spiraling? If IVF failed you and you are now childless, your brain may feel like the enemy. But the truth is, your brain is just trying to protect you.

In Episode 182 of The “So Now What?” Podcast, you will discover why your brain works the way it does after infertility and how to start rewiring it so you can feel calmer, steadier, and more in control of your story.

You will learn:

• Why your “smoke alarm brain” gets so sensitive after IVF fails and infertility treatments end

• What it means to “name it” when you feel yourself reacting (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn)

• How to look for glimmers of safety that calm your nervous system faster than pep talks

• Why bridge thoughts are more believable and more healing than toxic positivity

• How shifting the way you respond to infertility triggers helps you reclaim peace and confidence in your childless life

Once you stop seeing your body and brain as the enemy, everything changes: your friendships, your marriage, your time, and your ability to create a meaningful future without children.

Announcements

🌍 World Childless Week
On Saturday, September 20th at 2pm BST (8am CT / 9am ET) I am honored to be leading a panel: Rediscovering Your Identity as a Childless Woman.

Each panelist has walked a unique path through autoimmune conditions, male factor infertility, singlehood, and female factor infertility. Together, we will share reflections on moving from “hopeful mother” to confident women living life on our own terms.

This is not a conversation about what was lost. It is about what is possible. If you are ready to feel proud of the woman you are, with no disclaimers and no shame, this is for you.
Register here

🎓 Free Live Masterclass
I am hosting another session of Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond), this time scheduled to fit international listeners. It is happening on September 18th at 11:30am CT / 5:30pm BST.

This is a brand new class, not a replay. If you have ever frozen, shut down, or replayed conversations after someone made a comment about your childlessness, this live call will give you practical language and mindset tools to respond with confidence.
Register here

Free Resource

Get my free guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)
Download your copy here

You do not have to stay stuck in autopilot reactions. Your brain is not broken, it just needs a new way forward. Tune in now to learn how to begin calming your brain after IVF fails so you can feel safe, steady, and proud of the life you are creating without children.

If you are childless after infertility, what kind of legacy are you leaving?

When IVF, IUI, or years of trying to conceive did not lead to the family you dreamed of, it can feel like your story has nowhere to go. Like your legacy disappeared along with the possibility of motherhood. But what if you could create a legacy that does not depend on having a child?

In this episode of The “So Now What?” Podcast, Lana shares a deeply personal reflection on what legacy really means when you are childless not by choice. Inspired by her grandfather’s 118th birthday and the stories passed down about the life he lived, she challenges the belief that legacy begins when you are gone or only matters if you are remembered by children.

Your legacy is how you show up in your life today. It is how you treat yourself, how you treat others, and how you decide to keep living even when life turned out differently than you hoped.

• What a childless legacy really is, and why it matters now more than ever
  
  

• Why waiting to be remembered is keeping you from feeling fulfilled
  
  

• How to reflect your values in your day-to-day life

• A new way to define meaning and purpose after infertility

• Why you do not have to wait for someone else to tell your story

• A challenge to start building your legacy now, not later

If you have ever wondered how to create a life that feels meaningful without the children you dreamed of, this episode will speak directly to you.

“Things People Say When You’re Childless (and How to Respond)”
Learn how to respond with calm, confidence, and clarity to the unsolicited comments and advice that often come your way after infertility.
Register here!

• Free Guide: The Top 27 Things People Say When You're Childless and How to Respond
  Download it here: lanamanikowski.com/thingspeoplesay

• Join the Back-to-School Photo Challenge
  Tired of feeling invisible while everyone posts pictures of their kids? Post a photo of you and celebrate who you are in this season. Tag @lana.manikowski on Instagram to join the challenge.

• Read the Book:
  So Now What? by Lana Manikowski – A guide for women living childless after infertility

• Book a Thrive Call:
  If you are ready to stop wondering what is next and start shaping a life that feels good again, schedule your free Thrive Call here
  
  

You do not need a child to create a legacy.
You just need to decide how you want to live yours.