Two situations with my own kid had me questioning school discipline, adult decisions, and whether my expectations are really that unreasonable.

Because seriously, what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

It’s been over 15 years, and sometimes I look back at the person I was in my early 20s and wonder how the hell I managed to figure any of it out.

I’m still learning how to deal with shit. Just with a little more experience and a much better sense of humor.

So, I figured I’d talk about it. Because apparently that’s what I do when I can’t figure out why the fuck I’m like this.

This was my first time presenting at a national conference. I was scared shitless, questioned absolutely everything, met some incredible people, and somehow managed to get through a week that was very, VERY peoply.

In this episode, I’m talking about what it was like presenting, the conversations I had afterward that I’m still trying to process, and how much having three women in my corner meant to me.

But there’s also something about this conference that’s really been bothering me.

We spent a lot of time talking about youth mental health, families, and all the different systems they’re trying to navigate. So why wasn’t the education system a bigger part of those conversations?

And I’m not just talking about special education. I’m talking about the entire education system and how much of a child’s life happens within it.

I came home proud of myself, incredibly grateful, overwhelmed as fuck, and with even more questions about why the people working within these different systems aren’t having more conversations with each other.

So this episode is a little bit of everything. My experience, my overthinking, some pretty emotional moments, and the shit I’m still trying to make sense of.

What came back was way too accurate. The PDFs. The emails. The fact that “perfect” apparently does not mean perfect when I say it. The way I can forget why I walked into the kitchen but remember one random sentence from six months ago because something about it didn’t sit right.

I was crying laughing through most of it.

Then the documentary got to the part where it basically said, you know why you do all of this shit?

Because you give a shit.

And unfortunately, it was right about that too.

This episode is me getting absolutely dragged by ChatGPT, laughing at how ridiculous my own brain is, and then realizing there’s a reason I keep asking the questions, finding the policy, connecting the pieces, and refusing to leave something alone when it doesn’t make sense.

Apparently my biggest problem is that I give a shit.

Which also explains why my boundary is probably still whatever the attachment size limit is.

In this episode, I talk about a situation I’ve been involved with for about a year and a half where one false allegation completely disrupted a high school student’s education, credits, and social life. The allegation was proven false through the legal process, but that didn’t magically undo everything that happened because of it. Eighteen months later, the kid is still dealing with the fallout.

What keeps getting me is how these conversations go. The adults sit in meetings talking about what else the student needs to do. What support does he need? What coping skills does he need? What should he do next time? Meanwhile, he has walked away. He has reported things. He has stayed calm. He has followed the process. And somehow we are still planning for the next incident instead of asking why the environment keeps putting him in the same position.

When every adult is focused on their own little piece, discipline, academics, special education, whatever their role is, the student is the one left carrying all of it together.

At some point, the question has to stop being, “What does the kid need to do differently?” and start being, “What do the adults need to do differently?”

Then you have kids.

And one day you’re standing there arguing with a tiny version of yourself thinking, holy shit. I owe my mom an apology.

This episode is basically me realizing at 37 that my parents were also just people. They were tired. They were overwhelmed. They didn’t know what the fuck they were doing all the time either. And somehow I can understand that now without pretending the things that affected me didn’t affect me.

Because apparently growing up is just slowly realizing your parents were human while simultaneously watching your own kids become the reason you finally understand why your mom used to say, “Just wait until you have kids.”

Well, Mom. I had them.

I get it now.