You can love someone and still outgrow the version of yourself that exists around them.

And nobody warns you about this part of changing your life.

We talk about the habits you'll have to change, the risks you'll have to take, the courage it takes to walk away from something familiar.

We don't talk nearly enough about what happens when the people you love are still connected to the person you used to be.

This episode is about friendship, growth, and the strange, sometimes painful experience of realizing that a relationship that once fit your life may not fit the life you're building now.

Because every room has an invisible definition of what's normal.

What you're allowed to want. What feels possible. What seems too ambitious, too risky, too expensive, or simply not like you.

And sometimes, all it takes is getting close to one woman who is already doing the thing you thought was impossible.

She doesn't have to coach you. She doesn't have to give you a ten-step plan.

Sometimes another woman gives you evidence.

In this episode, we're talking about:

• What it actually means to outgrow people
• Why the people you love may still be relating to who you used to be
• How the people around you shape what feels normal and possible
• Why outgrowing a room isn't the same as abandoning the people in it
• Why courage, desire and aliveness is contagious
• Powerful questions to audit the spaces you're spending time in
• Why I created The Society and why it's the antidote to being stuck
• This isn't about deciding your old friends aren't 'good enough' anymore

It's about recognizing that you may need people in your life who have evidence of where you're going, not only memories of where you've been.

And maybe the question isn't simply, 'Who have I outgrown?'

Maybe it's, 'Who do I become when I'm around the people in my life?'

You're invited to The Society's Opening Weekend

From July 24-26, we're gathering for three live experiences:

Happy Hour, Coffee Chat, and Sparkle Party.

Come to one. Come to all three. Opening Weekend is completely free.

SAVE YOUR SEAT HERE

Your next chapter may begin with one conversation, one new room, or one woman who makes you realize that the thing you want isn't nearly as impossible as you thought.

Go find her....or maybe, come find us.

What if the same conditioning that teaches women to abandon themselves in life is also showing up in the bedroom?

In this fascinating and often hilarious conversation, Valerie sits down with intimacy expert Susan Bratton to explore what happens when women reclaim their desire, their pleasure, and their right to experience the full spectrum of who they are.

Together, they unpack the impact of cultural conditioning on intimacy, why so many couples struggle to talk openly about sex, and how creating a thriving intimate relationship has less to do with performance and more to do with curiosity, communication, and connection.

Susan shares surprising insights on everything from libido difference and orgasmic potential to the male loneliness epidemic, erotic play, and why great sex can continue to evolve throughout our lives.

Whether you're single, partnered, divorced, dating, or simply curious about your own relationship with desire, this conversation offers a fresh perspective on intimacy, pleasure, and what it means to come fully alive.

In This Episode:

• The hidden impact of cultural conditioning on men and women in the bedroom
• Why living as your full self transforms intimacy
• The intimacy gap many people aren't discussing
• Orgasmic cross-training and expanding your pleasure potential
• Practical ways to get your partner engaged in the conversation
• Why orgasms are the fountain of youth!

About Susan Bratton

Susan Bratton is a leading advocate for passionate relationships and lifelong intimacy. She is known for helping people create deeper connection, greater pleasure, and more fulfilling relationships through practical, approachable education about intimacy and sexual wellness.

Connect with Susan

Please subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with a friend.

Nobody teaches women how to leave.

You get handed a lawyer's number, a horror story from a friend, and the quiet impication that if your marriage ended...somethig must have gone wrong.

But what if divorce didn't have to become a bloodbath to be real?

In this episode, Valerie sits down with Kate Daly, co-founder of Amicable, to talk about the divorce conversation almost nobody is having:

How to end a marriage without destroying yourself in the process.

This conversation is practial, honest, emotional, and surprisingly hopeful. Especially for women trying to navigate the impossible tension between choosing themelves and carrying everyone else's emotions too.

Whether you're considering divorce, in the middle of one, or rebuilding after it, this episode witill change the way you think about what's possible.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• How to have the conversation without it becoming emotional warfare
• What to do before lawyers get involved, and why it matters
• The mistake women make when managing their partner's emotions
• What 'amicable' actually means (and why it's not weakness)
• The two things that truly impact kids during divorce
• How to co-parent without losing yourself
• The new rules for communicating with your ex
• Why divorce may not be the end of your life, but the beginning of finally living it.

THE SELFISH WOMAN TAKE:

Most women spend years managing the marriage long before they ever leave it. Managing moods. Managing tension. Managing disappointment. Managing themselves. This episode is about another way. Not perfect or painless, but conscious, clear, and far less desructive than the story we've been sold about what divorce has to look like.

Go to Amicable for free resources

The Confession Booth is open!

I'm calling BS on the 'reinvention trend'....one that I was fully participating in for the last few years.

Nobody reinvents themselves on purpose. Not the way the industry sells it. Real change doesn't start with a plan, it starts with one thought that won't let you go:

I want something different.

In this episode, I'm dismantling the whole reinvention myth, and replacing it with something that actually works.

It's a confession, a rallying cry, and the most extravagant permission slip I've ever handed out.

You'll hear:

• The reinvention lie
• Why your perspective is supposed to shift as you grow
• What real change looks and feels like, and why there's no parade for it
• The one sentence that starts everything
• Why 'terrixciting' is the most honest word for where you are right now

Resources mentioned:

The Selfish Year

The Phoenix

The Quiz: why you keep holding yourself back

Book a call with me!

We've all been there: a plan falls apart, a deadline shifts, or a minor inconvenience feels like the end of the world. Or, we spend way too much of our time and energy worrying about 'what if.' We usually blame the situation for how we feel, but today's guest says the 'problem' isn't what's happening - it's how we're wired to react to it.

I'm joined by Dr. Rachel Goldman, a clinical psychologist, NYU professor, and a leading expert in the mind-body connection who has shared her insights alongside icons like Oprah and Mel Robbins.

Ahead of the April launch of her highly anticipated book, "When Life Happens," Dr. Rachel breaks down the science of CBT and explains why we need to stop trying to 'delete' stress and start building a Coping Toolbox.

This episode is a survival guide for anyone who feels overwhelmed by the weight of 'doing it all' and is ready to reclaim their peace of mind.

What We Discuss:

The Stress Reframe: Why stress is inevitable, but our physiological and mental reaction to it is a choice.

The "All or Nothing" Trap: How to break the cycle of perfectionism when things go sideways.

Building Your Coping Toolbox: Specific strategies to regulate your emotions in real time.

Mindset as a Skill: Why resilience isn't a personality trait - it's a strategy you can train.

When Life Happens: A deep dive into the mindset shifts needed to navigate life's messiest moments.

Resources & Links:

Pre-Order the Book

Follow Dr. Rachel

Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Spotify

Subscribe to The Selfish Woman Podcast on Apple

I left Spain to figure out what was wrong with me.

I had the dream life. The cobblestone streets. The European light. The copper bathtub imported from England that cost eleven thousand euros.

And I was miserable in ways I didn't have words for yet.

So I left. Convinced I was the problem.

I was wrong.

In this episode I'm recording from Harrison Hot Springs - sitting in a mineral pool, in the middle of a meditation that turned into a download - and I finally understand what I was actually running from. And why leaving was the most sane thing I ever did.

This is the episode for the woman who has spent years trying to fix herself. The woman who has read the books, done the work, followed the rules - and still feels like something is fundamentally broken.

Nothing is broken.

But something is wrong.

And until you figure out what that is, you will keep building beautiful lives on foundations that cannot hold you.

This is where we start.

Join The Phoenix

Get the book

What if your life isn't random?

In this episode, I sit down with numerologist Ann Perry to break down what your numbers reveal about you, and how they shape your relationships, your patterns, and the way you move through the world.

We also dive into:

• What if your soul chose this life?
• What if the challenges you've faced weren't random...but selected?
• And how do you hold that idea without dismissing real pain or turning it into toxic positivity?

What You'll Learn:

• What numerology is, and why it works
• How your numbers influence your identity and decision-making
• Why you keep repeating the sane relationship dynamics
• How to better understand your kids, partner and coworkers
• The controversial idea that your soul chose this life (and what that really means)
• How to stop overthinking and start trusting yourself

Links:

Ann Perry's website

Ann's book

Watch this episode on YouTube

And if you're ready to stop overthinking and step over the edge and into your next level....

The Phoenix (access to The Edge Transmission)

Why do you keep overthinking decisions when you already know what to do?

In this episode I break down why overthinking isn't a clarity problem, it's a self-trust problem - and what you're actually avoiding.

What you'll learn:

Why you say "I don't know" (and what it really means)

The hidden reason you stay stuck in indecision

How overthinking protects you from uncomfortable truth

The identity shift that changes everything

One simple question to stop overthinking immediately

Key moment from the episode:

"You don't say 'I don't know' because you're confused. You say it because the truth would cost you something."

If you're ready to stop overthinking and actually move forward, this is exactly what we do inside The Breakthrough.

Email me:

valerie@valeriejonescoach.com and tell me the one thing you want a breakthrough in.

Leave a review on Spotify

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Subscribe to the show!

Watch on YouTube

Get my book