In this episode of Lessons from Behind the Chair, Evet shares stories from nearly forty years behind the salon chair to explore validation, attention, reassurance, and the quiet ways we seek to feel seen. From repeated selfies to interrupted conversations, she examines how external reassurance, phone distractions, and indirect communication shape our relationships—and asks whether lasting confidence can ever come from someone else.

• Why repeated reassurance often points to something deeper.

• How phone distractions change conversations.

• What 'phubbing' is and why it matters.

• The difference between being seen and feeling seen.

• Why curiosity is often more helpful than judgment.

Research & Psychology Mentioned

• External validation

• Self-objectification

• Phubbing

• Conversational reciprocity •

Conflict avoidance

Reflection Questions

• Where do you most often look for reassurance?

• When do you feel most present with another person?

• What helps reassurance become self-trust?

About the Host

Evet DeCota is an Associate Certified Coach (ACC), psychology graduate, longtime hairstylist, and founder of DeCota Life Coaching.

After nearly four decades listening to people's stories from behind the chair, she now combines psychology, coaching, and lived experience to explore resilience, identity, behavior change, and authentic human connection through The Original Self Podcast.

Connect with Evet

Website: decotalifecoaching.com

Email: decotalifecoaching@gmail.com

Hair can be one of the first visible losses during cancer treatment, but the deeper experience is often one of identity, grief, and learning to recognize yourself through profound change.

In this deeply personal episode of The Original Self Podcast: Lessons from Behind the Chair, Evet shares two unforgettable stories from nearly forty years as a hairstylist. One begins with shaving her sister-in-law's head before chemotherapy. The other follows a woman whose hair grew back—but no longer felt like her own. Through these experiences, Evet explores the psychology of identity, transition, and human connection, revealing why the most meaningful thing we can offer another person isn't always advice or answers—it's our presence. Topics include: • Anticipatory grief • Rites of passage and transitions • Disenfranchised grief • Identity continuity • The power of presence over fixing • Coaching through uncertainty Psychology & Research Referenced: • Pauline Boss — Ambiguous Loss • Arnold van Gennep — The Rites of Passage • Nancy Schlossberg — Transition Theory • Kenneth Doka — Disenfranchised Grief • Erik Erikson — Identity development and continuity Website: decotalifecoaching.com Email: decotalifecoaching@gmail.com Listen wherever you enjoy your favorite podcasts.

This episode begins a new chapter of The Original Self Podcast.

Topics include:

• Stress responses

• Expectation violations

• Attachment and belonging

• Identity threat

• Nervous system regulation

• Reacting vs. responding

• Curiosity over judgment

The real question isn't, 'What's wrong with this person?' It's, 'What might this person be trying to protect?'

Website: decotalifecoaching.com

Email: decotalifecoaching@gmail.com

Listen wherever you enjoy podcasts.

Research Referenced

Lazarus & Folkman – Stress Appraisal Theory

Daniel Kahneman – Fast and Slow Thinking

Carl Rogers – Curiosity

Dan Siegel – Window of Tolerance

Stephen Porges – Polyvagal Theory

Identity Threat Theory

Social Identity Theory

Attachment Theory