Today I'm sharing an update about the breakup of my polyamorous triad with Scott and Jess, reflecting on the challenges of differing relationship needs. I discuss the evolution of my relationships, the importance of self-fulfillment, and lessons I’ve learned about communication, boundaries, and embracing change. I encourage you to cultivate a full life outside of partnerships and offer insights into navigating love, loss, and growth within open relationships. I also hint at some upcoming life events and future podcast topics.

Timestamps by PodSqueezeIntroduction and Setting the Stage (00:00:03)

Jen introduces the podcast, mentions the recent breakup, and sets up the episode’s focus.

Reflecting on the Triad Vacation (00:01:24)

Jen recalls their first vacation as a triad and the joy of having a third partner.

Scott’s Desire for Openness (00:02:33)

Scott expresses his need for a more open relationship, leading to conflict with Jess.

Jess’s Need for Stability and the Breakup (00:03:47)

Jess asserts her need for monogamy and stability, resulting in the end of the triad.

Being the Person in the Middle (00:05:44)

Jen discusses the pain and challenges of being caught between two partners with conflicting needs.

How Relationship Dynamics Change (00:07:01)

Jen reflects on how needs and dynamics shift over time, using her marriages as examples.

Personal Growth Through Relationships (00:08:14)

Jen shares her journey of self-discovery and growth during her second marriage.

Sexual Awakening and Changing Needs (00:09:05)

Jen describes her late-30s sexual awakening and the resulting end of her second marriage.

Accelerated Change in Open Relationships (00:10:09)

Jen explains how open relationships can accelerate personal and relational growth.

Shifting Dynamics with Scott and Steph (00:11:16)

Jen recounts how relationship dynamics with Scott and Steph evolved, including role reversals.

Tossing Out Relationship Rules (00:12:23)

Jen discusses moving away from rigid rules and embracing fluidity in open relationships.

Evolving Relationship with Steph (00:13:45)

Jen details how her relationship with Steph changed after Scott left the triad.

Intentional Time and Changing Expectations (00:15:45)

Jen describes efforts to schedule intentional time with Steph and how expectations shifted.

Letting Go of Guilt and Societal Roles (00:19:10)

Jen learns to release guilt and societal expectations, focusing on authentic connection.

Self-Fulfillment Outside of Partners (00:20:20)

Jen emphasizes the importance of self-fulfillment and not relying solely on partners for happiness.

Making Room for New Connections (00:22:37)

Jen discusses being open to new partners and connections as life and needs change.

Lessons from the Breakup with Jess (00:23:34)

Jen reflects on the pain of losing Jess and the importance of letting people come and go.

Unattached Love and Relationship Choice (00:25:49)

Jen shares insights about unattached love and choosing relationships without rigid requirements.

Outro and Upcoming Life Events (00:26:44)

Jen wraps up, mentions upcoming travel, moving, and thanks listeners for their support.

Podcast Closing and Listener Engagement (00:28:36)

Closing remarks, encouraging feedback, topic suggestions, and sharing the podcast.

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Ever wondered how couples navigate long-term commitment while exploring other connections? This candid discussion explores one couple's journey into ethical non-monogamy (ENM) after 20 years of marriage. From initial hesitations to embracing polyamorous connections, they share their story of redefining relationships and challenging norms. Learn about the realities of an open relationship and the courage it takes to rewrite your own rules.

Missi and Brian’s Origin Story (00:01:44) Missi shares how she and Brian began discussing adding a third, their early thoughts, and discovering polyamory.

Lisa’s Background and Entry (00:05:13) Lisa describes her background, previous marriage, initial interest in threesomes, and how she met Missi and Brian.

Navigating International Long-Distance (00:11:22) The triad discusses managing a cross-border relationship, travel logistics, and cultural differences between Canada and the US.

Political and Social Challenges (00:15:09) Lisa shares anxieties about political climates, social judgment, and how love overcomes external pressures.

From Casual to Committed (00:16:39) Lisa and Missi discuss how the relationship evolved from casual fun to a committed, equal triad.

Disentangling Marriage for Equality (00:29:31) Missi and Lisa explain how and Brian shifted from a married couple with a girlfriend to a more equal triad.

Navigating New Relationship Energy (00:32:26) They discuss the challenges of balancing new relationship energy, dyad connections, and letting relationships develop naturally.

Staying Connected Long-Distance (00:42:00) The triad shares how they maintain connection across distance, use technology, and structure dyad time.

Advice for Aspiring Triads (00:52:28) Final advice for listeners interested in triads: patience, communication, boundaries, and seeking peace over butterflies.

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Psychotherapist Jason Shires shares how childhood trauma shapes adult relationships. Jason explains how internal defense mechanisms formed in childhood impact our partner choices and relationship patterns. We discuss therapeutic approaches like Internal Family Systems and somatic experiencing, the dynamics of masculine and feminine energies, and the role of addiction as escapism. We also explore how you can heal anxiety inside of relationships, offering practical insights for navigating emotional triggers with compassion. Jason shares personal insights and resources for healing, emphasizing self-acceptance, vulnerability, and the ongoing journey toward deeper connection and intimacy. This episode offers compassionate guidance for understanding and transforming relational wounds.

Episode Topic Overview (00:01:13)

Announcement of the episode’s focus: trauma’s impact on adult relationships.

Childhood Wounds and Partner Selection (00:03:13)

How childhood wounds influence partner choice and relationship experiences.

Personal Story of Childhood Trauma (00:05:13)

Jason shares his own childhood trauma and its effect on his adult relationships.

Internal Defense Mechanisms (00:08:37)

Jason explains internal defense mechanisms as intelligent responses to childhood adversity.

Parts Work and Somatic Approaches (00:12:10)

Discussion of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and somatic experiencing in healing trauma.

Impact of Trauma Work on Relationships (00:15:05)

How trauma work can transform relationships and deepen connection.

Navigating New, Healthy Relationships (00:18:06)

The challenges and risks of embracing love after trauma.

Welcoming Insecurity in Relationships (00:22:18)

Welcoming and addressing insecurity to increase intimacy and trust.

Summary and Healing Journey (00:37:14)

Recap of the journey from trauma to healing and healthy relationships.

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