In this deeply personal episode of the NEXT Podcast, Jay reflects on the complex emotions that surround his five-and-a-half-year mark of grief. With raw honesty and spiritual depth, he explores what it means to live in the tension between sorrow and joy, faith and frustration, longing and resilience.

Jay shares how he's learning to move forward—not by erasing the pain, but by integrating it into his journey. Through what he calls the “Four Rs of Grief Work”—Relentless, Resilient, Repeatable, and Rigorous—Jay offers a framework that gives grief meaning and space to shape us without defining us.

This is an episode for anyone walking through grief, wondering if it’s okay to say, “I still hurt, but I still believe.”

In Episode 33 of the NEXT Podcast, Jay reflects on the 5.5-year mark since the passing of his beloved wife, Christine. What does grief feel like when the calendar keeps moving, but the ache remains? What happens when the expected emotions don’t arrive on cue—or when numbness sets in instead?

Through raw honesty, scriptural reflection, and deeply personal insight, Jay shares how grief continues to reshape his life—and how God is still doing something good in the middle of the sorrow. Because as Jay says:

“The heart doesn’t get better by avoiding pain… it gets better when we let God lead us through it.”

If you’ve ever wondered how to keep believing when you are still hurting, this episode is for you.

Calendar Grief: When the Numbers Don’t Add Up

In Episode 32 of the NEXT Podcast, host Jay Cookingham opens up about “calendar grief”—those dates on the calendar that carry deep emotional weight. Whether it’s an anniversary, a birthday, or a day of loss, these numbers don’t just track time… they hold stories, and sometimes, sorrow.

As Jay reflects on what would have been his 43rd wedding anniversary, he explores how grief messes with our math—and how God meets us in the moments that no longer add up. Through a powerful personal story, practical ways to navigate hard dates, and a reminder of our identity in Christ, this episode invites listeners to embrace their grief with honesty, purpose, and hope.

Because even when the dates hurt... God never misses a moment to draw near.

In this honest and deeply reflective episode, Jay explores how grief doesn’t just take—it reshapes. After the loss of his wife Christine, Jay found himself facing a deep question: “Who am I now?”

Grief may feel like it’s stealing everything familiar—purpose, peace, even identity—but it can also become a teacher. Jay unpacks how sorrow can actually refine us, drawing us back to the truth of who we are in Christ.

This episode digs into the pain and purpose of lament, the redemptive power of God’s compassion, and the unshakable foundation of sonship in the middle of identity-shifting loss. Whether you're grieving or walking with someone who is, you’ll find encouragement, truth, and grace here.

In this honest and deeply personal episode, Jay shares about one of the least-discussed aspects of grief: sexual bereavement and Widower’s Fire—the overwhelming longing for intimacy after the death of a spouse.

This episode opens the door to a conversation many avoid—especially in the church—and offers encouragement, grace, and practical steps for Christian men navigating this form of loss. Jay speaks vulnerably about the loneliness that comes with losing not just a partner, but the physical, emotional, and spiritual connection that intimacy brought to marriage.

Whether you’re a widower, a friend, a pastor, or someone trying to better support those in grief, this episode offers something vital: permission to name what hurts, space to be seen, and hope that God meets us even in the most uncomfortable places.

Giving Space to Grieve Honestly

In this heartfelt episode, Jay shares a vulnerable and honest conversation around the well-meaning but often painful things people say to those who are grieving. Drawing from personal experience, he offers real-life examples, simple responses, and a call to compassion.

More than a list of what not to say, this episode is an invitation—to walk gently with the grieving, to give them space to feel, and to resist the urge to “fix” what can’t be fixed. Jay also speaks candidly about what it means to move forward in grief while still deeply feeling the weight of loss—and how sadness and faith can live side by side.

Whether you’re grieving or supporting someone who is, this episode offers grace, understanding, and practical insight for the journey.

In this deeply personal episode, Jay explores the often-overlooked emotional terrain of grief—especially for men. Through raw honesty and spiritual reflection, he unpacks how emotions aren’t enemies to conquer, but messengers to learn from. Jay shares how he uses his pain as fuel for healing, creativity, and worship, offering practical ways to process sorrow without shame. From quiet tears to riverbank outbursts, this episode is a powerful reminder that regulating emotions is not weakness—it’s worship.

Whether you’re grieving or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers hope, direction, and space to feel.

In this special post-Easter edition of the NEXT Podcast, Jay shares raw, honest reflections recorded the day after Resurrection Sunday. After taking time away to intentionally reflect on Holy Week, Jay opens up about where he is in his grief journey—five years, four months, and six days after Christine’s passing.

This “Current Mood” episode explores themes of resilience over recovery, how love—not just faith—has carried him through the darkest seasons, and why choosing life each day is an act of worship.

Jay also shares a deeply personal story about Christine’s childhood dream of becoming a ballerina, how she lived out that dream in grace and spirit, and what that means for those of us learning to dance with grief.

If you’ve ever wondered how to hold both sorrow and joy, how to walk in resurrection power even when your heart is breaking—this episode is for you.

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