You were the kid who never got the memo.

Everyone else seemed to know where to stand, what to do with their hands, how to slip into a conversation like it was the most natural thing in the world. You were a half-second behind - studying what to do, taking mental notes, hoping nobody would notice.

And later, in relationships, you heard it again and again:

"You're too much."

"You're too sensitive."

"You're too emotional."

"Why can't you just be chill?"

So you tried to bottle it up. Be cool. Act like nothing was a big deal.... when the truth was, so many things felt like a really big deal.

This episode is for you if you've spent your life quietly wondering why connection seems to come easily to everyone but you (and blaming yourself for it.)

Today, I'm doing something I've never done on this show: I'm telling you my own story. The summer camp where no one wanted to pair up with me. The relationships where I felt like too much. And the assessment, at 40, that finally explained who I'd been the whole time: Level 2 autism and severe ADHD.

I'll walk you through what AuDHD actually is, the relief and the grief that show up together with a late diagnosis, and why understanding your wiring changes everything. Because it was never that you were bad at being a person. You were just doing it with a brain nobody ever explained to you.

IN THIS EPISODE

• The summer-camp memory that shaped how I saw myself for decades (and why it still matters)
• How I went from psychology student to realizing I might be neurodivergent myself
• What my assessment actually revealed (and why the word "severe" caught me off guard)
• What AuDHD really is (and why it pulls you in two directions at once)
• The relief AND the grief that arrive together with a late diagnosis
• The everyday tools I'd been quietly building since childhood to mask executive dysfunction (spoiler: it was never laziness)
• The AuDHD strengths I finally stopped apologizing for: pattern recognition, deep empathy, fierce loyalty, justice sensitivity....
• Why "too much" and "too sensitive" were never flaws to fix (and what they actually are)

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

- Free quiz: Is This My Brain or My Relationship?

LOVED THIS EPISODE?

Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the person in your life who's always been told they're "too much" - and is just starting to wonder if there might be another explanation.

CONNECT

• Website: JennaDalton.com
• Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab
• Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com

A NOTE

This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.

Your partner says, "I'm tired. Can we talk later?"

Neutral words. Maybe even kind ones. But they don't land that way. They land as a personal attack. Criticism. Rejection.

They don't want to be around me.
I'm too much.
I did something wrong.
They're going to break up with me.

Within seconds you're spiralling. Chest tight. Throat closing. Tears coming, or rage, or both at the same time. And the worst part? You know your partner simply said they're tired. You can see - with the logical part of your brain that's currently struggling to exist - that this isn't rejection. You're watching yourself spiral and it doesn't help. The story has already been spun.

Today, I'm going to tell you what's actually happening in your brain when this happens. And it's not what you've been told. It's not you being too sensitive. It's not you choosing to take things personally. It's not something you can talk yourself out of with positive thinking or a sufficiently aggressive self-help podcast. It's a neurological pattern called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and once you understand why this happens, you have something to hold onto while the wave passes.

I'm also walking you through four practical tools to interrupt the spiral when it happens, plus I'm giving you a free mini-guide to make it all easier in the moment.

IN THIS EPISODE

• Why "just don't take it personally" is the worst advice ever given to an RSD brain
• The neuroscience of why mild criticism can feel physically painful
• Why RSD hits harder in romantic relationships than anywhere else (spoiler: it's not because something's wrong with the relationship)
• The "story engine": why the spiral doesn't feel like an emotional reaction, it feels like a sudden moment of clarity (and why that makes it so dangerous)
• Four tools that actually help interrupt the spiral
• What to say to your partner during a non-RSD moment so they can help you reality-check when one hits (script included)

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Free RSD in Relationships mini-guide: a one-pager with the four steps you can print, save to your phone, or share with your partner
Free quiz: Is This My Brain or My Relationship?

LOVED THIS EPISODE? Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to a partner, friend, or loved one who has ever spiralled over a perfectly neutral text and didn't know why.

CONNECT WITH ME

- Website: JennaDalton.com
- Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab
- Work with Jenna: book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com

A NOTE

This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.

Can I be honest?

Couples therapy may actually make your relationship worse.

Not because the therapist isn't empathetic or skilled. Not because your partner isn't trying. But because every exercise you're given was likely designed without your unique brain in mind.

"Maintain eye contact when your partner is talking."

"Use 'I feel' statements in the moment."

"When you go silent during a fight, that's stonewalling and it means your relationship is in a downward spiral unless you do something about it."

"Assume positive intent - whenever your partner does something hurtful, assume they didn't intend to hurt you."

These research-backed strategies can work incredibly well.... for neurotypical brains.

If you've been in couples therapy before and left feeling like you were the problem. If you were given strategies that you tried to use and they felt like they didn't work the way they were expected to and you assumed it was your fault. This episode is for you.

Today, I'm going to show you that it was never your fault. The tools just weren't built for your brain. Some of the most common couples therapy techniques quietly backfire on neurodivergent brains, and once you understand why, you can stop blaming yourself for "failing" at couples therapy.

I'm also not just going to tell you what doesn't work, I'm going to share tips to help you shift common couples therapy approaches to actually work for your neurodivergent brain.

IN THIS EPISODE

• Why some of the most common couples therapy techniques quietly fail neurodivergent couples (and what to do instead)
• Why eye contact is a sensory load, not a measure of love or attention
• What's actually happening when you can't produce an "I feel" statement on the spot (spoiler: it's not avoidance)
• Why "assume positive intent" can create more harm than good for neurodivergent people who have spent a lifetime doubting their own perceptions.
• How neurodivergent shutdown gets misdiagnosed as stonewalling, and what that label does to neurodivergent clients
• How to adjust the Five Love Languages to work for your sensory needs, executive function challenges, and fluctuating capacity
• Why the Imago dialogue can lead to more disconnection than connection for neurodivergent and mixed-neurotype couples, and how to adapt it to work with your wiring
• The exact questions to ask a potential couples therapist before you book the first session to ensure they are neurodivergent-affirming

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

• Free quiz: Is This My Brain or My Relationship? JennaDalton.com/quiz
• Instagram: DM me with your questions @neurodivergentlovelab

LOVED THIS EPISODE?

Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the friend or partner who has walked out of a couples therapy session feeling smaller than when they walked in.

CONNECT

• Website: JennaDalton.com
• Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab
• Work with Jenna (Alberta-based): book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com

A NOTE

This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.