Can I be honest?

Couples therapy may actually make your relationship worse.

Not because the therapist isn't empathetic or skilled. Not because your partner isn't trying. But because every exercise you're given was likely designed without your unique brain in mind.

"Maintain eye contact when your partner is talking."

"Use 'I feel' statements in the moment."

"When you go silent during a fight, that's stonewalling and it means your relationship is in a downward spiral unless you do something about it."

"Assume positive intent - whenever your partner does something hurtful, assume they didn't intend to hurt you."

These research-backed strategies can work incredibly well.... for neurotypical brains.

If you've been in couples therapy before and left feeling like you were the problem. If you were given strategies that you tried to use and they felt like they didn't work the way they were expected to and you assumed it was your fault. This episode is for you.

Today, I'm going to show you that it was never your fault. The tools just weren't built for your brain. Some of the most common couples therapy techniques quietly backfire on neurodivergent brains, and once you understand why, you can stop blaming yourself for "failing" at couples therapy.

I'm also not just going to tell you what doesn't work, I'm going to share tips to help you shift common couples therapy approaches to actually work for your neurodivergent brain.

IN THIS EPISODE

• Why some of the most common couples therapy techniques quietly fail neurodivergent couples (and what to do instead)
• Why eye contact is a sensory load, not a measure of love or attention
• What's actually happening when you can't produce an "I feel" statement on the spot (spoiler: it's not avoidance)
• Why "assume positive intent" can create more harm than good for neurodivergent people who have spent a lifetime doubting their own perceptions.
• How neurodivergent shutdown gets misdiagnosed as stonewalling, and what that label does to neurodivergent clients
• How to adjust the Five Love Languages to work for your sensory needs, executive function challenges, and fluctuating capacity
• Why the Imago dialogue can lead to more disconnection than connection for neurodivergent and mixed-neurotype couples, and how to adapt it to work with your wiring
• The exact questions to ask a potential couples therapist before you book the first session to ensure they are neurodivergent-affirming

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

• Free quiz: Is This My Brain or My Relationship? JennaDalton.com/quiz
• Instagram: DM me with your questions @neurodivergentlovelab

LOVED THIS EPISODE?

Subscribe so you don't miss what's coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the friend or partner who has walked out of a couples therapy session feeling smaller than when they walked in.

CONNECT

• Website: JennaDalton.com
• Instagram: @neurodivergentlovelab
• Work with Jenna (Alberta-based): book a free 15-minute consultation at JennaDalton.com

A NOTE

This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.