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The Neurodivergent Learner with Dr. Emily King

The Neurodivergent Learner with Dr. Emily King

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Your child should not have to become a different kind of learner just to prove that they can learn. Dr. Emily King is back on the podcast, this time to celebrate the release of her first book, The Neurodivergent Learner. Emily is a child psychologist, former school psychologist, and parent of two neurodivergent kids, so she has spent a lot of time on pretty much every side of the school-family-provider table. At the heart of the book is an idea I love: your child's path is the right path. Neurodivergent kids do not always develop or learn according to the timelines and expectations built into traditional school systems. And instead of spending all of our energy trying to squeeze the square peg into the round hole, Emily asks a much more useful question: Why does the hole have to be round? We talk about the difference between something that is truly disabling and something that is simply different. A movement, sound, learning style, or way of regulating may only become a problem because of the expectations of the room. That distinction matters because it changes what we try to fix and what we might need to accept, accommodate, or understand differently. Emily also gives us one of my favorite images from this conversation: strategies are the sprinkles on top. Before we start throwing visual schedules, sticker charts, scripts, and other strategies at a kid, we need a foundation. Does the child feel safe? Does the pace work for their brain? Are they interested and engaged? Is their nervous system actually available for learning? And safety is not determined by whether the adult looks around the classroom and thinks, "This seems perfectly lovely to me." The child's nervous system gets the deciding vote. We talk about the kids whose dysregulation is impossible to miss, but also the compliant, perfectionistic, people-pleasing kids who look great at school and completely unravel at home. That difference between environments does not mean the problem is not real. The difference itself may be the clue. This is where parents, teachers, and providers have to get curious together. What is working? Where is it working? When does the child run out of steam? What changes between doing math at 1:30 at school and trying to do more math at 4:30 at home? Sometimes the strategy really is deciding that this kid has done enough math today. Most importantly, Emily wants us to protect our kids' relationship with learning. School is one place to learn, but it is not the only place. Kids learn through their interests, activities, relationships, travel, cooking, stories, and all the other experiences that make them curious about the world. As I tell Emily in this episode, The Neurodivergent Learner feels like a giant permission slip to follow your child's signals, be the detective, and advocate collaboratively for what they need. Because learning does not have to look the same for every child. Neither does success. Key Takeaways Neurodivergent children do not always develop or learn according to traditional timelines, and success may mean following the child's developmental path rather than forcing the expected one.Some things about neurodivergence are differences, not problems. The challenge may come from the expectations of the environment rather than from the child themselves.Strategies are the "sprinkles on top." Before adding tools or interventions, adults need to look at foundational needs like sensory safety, relational safety, pacing, and engagement.Safety is determined by the child's nervous system, not by whether the adults in the room believe the environment should feel safe.Dysregulation is not always loud or disruptive. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, compliance, and holding everything together at school can also be signs that a child is struggling.A child who looks fine at school and falls apart at home is giving us important information. The difference between settings may help explain where their energy and coping capacity are being used up.When something is not working, parents, teachers, and providers need to stay curious together instead of dismissing the concern because it does not appear everywhere.Pacing matters. A child who is bored because learning is moving too slowly and a child who is overwhelmed because it is moving too quickly may both disengage for very different reasons.Protecting a child's lifelong relationship with learning matters more than forcing them through one particular academic path, especially when school has already become a source of stress or burnout.School is only one place where learning happens. Interests, relationships, extracurriculars, travel, cooking, and everyday experiences can all be meaningful ways neurodivergent kids build knowledge and skills. About Dr. Emily King Dr. Emily King is a Child Psychologist and former School Psychologist who has worked with neurodivergent children and teens for more than 20 years. She received her Ph.D. in School Psychology from the University ...
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