Here's something I want you to know: you already have more tools than you think you do.

In this episode, I'm talking with one of my best friends and favorite humans again, the brilliant Lindsay Dotzlaf, about how to use the coaching tools you already have on yourself, especially in your relationships. Lindsay is a master coach's coach who helps coaches master the craft of coaching, and she's the host of the Mastering Coaching Skills podcast.

She did an episode for coaches about using your coaching skills on yourself, and I told her she had to come talk about it with me. Because here's the thing: if you listen to this podcast at all, you have coaching skills. Pausing and breathing. Asking a better question. Asking "what's the root cause?" Thinking on purpose about your partner. You use these skills at work all the time. Then we go home and forget we know how to troubleshoot.

At the heart of this conversation is a simple but powerful choice: in any charged moment, you can spiral or you can pivot. The spiral is the loop of beating yourself up, blaming your partner, going in circles and never moving forward. The pivot is one tiny step in a different direction. And the more you practice it, the stronger that muscle gets.

We talk about internalized blame (and the difference between "I am wrong" and "I did something wrong"), why building self-trust is what lets you pivot more and spiral less, and one of Lindsay's favorite tools for getting unstuck: putting the thought on the shelf.

Here is the scoop on what we talked about —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• Why you already have coaching tools at your disposal, even if you don't call them that
• The moment of choice in every charged interaction: spiral or pivot
• Why "developing the muscle" of awareness matters more than any single tool
• How high emotions lower your access to your own resources (and how the pause changes that)
• "I have choices" — the sentence Maggie repeats, even in the most dire situations
• Internalized blame, and the freeing difference between "I am wrong" and "I did something wrong"
• The secondary wound: when we shame ourselves for spiraling in the first place
• Building self-trust as a muscle, one tiny pivot at a time
• Trading all-or-nothing thinking for the "dimmer switch"
• Lindsay's favorite tool: put the thought on the shelf and ask "if that wasn't allowed to be true, now what?"

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• The Questions for Couples Journal
• Private Coaching with Maggie
• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap
• Marriage Mindset Makeover
• Visit Lindsay's Website: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/
• Listen to The Mastering Coaching Skills Podcast: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/podcast/
• Episode 1 of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast: How to Have a Better Marriage
• Episode 2 of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast: Power Questions
• Episode 152 of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast: The Most Valuable Thoughts for Your Marriage Mindset

Have you ever been in something you care about deeply, whether it's your marriage, your career, or a long friendship, and quietly felt uncomfortable, like it was a sweater that no longer fit, but you weren't sure why or what to do about it?

Almost anything we do for a long time will have a season, or more than one, that can feel like a grind. And of course that happens in marriage too.

That's exactly what this episode is about: how to decide whether it's time to recommit or release, and the things to consider when you're not sure whether to stay or go.

I'm joined by one of my absolute favorite humans, the brilliant Lindsay Dotzlaf, a master coach's coach who helps coaches master the craft of coaching, and the host of the Mastering Coaching Skills podcast. Lindsay originally explored this idea through the lens of business and a long-term career, and we realized it applies just as powerfully to marriage and any long-term commitment.

We talk about putting the question "does this still work for me?" on the table, and talking about why we're often too afraid to even ask it.

The drifting apart that happens when we stop turning toward each other on purpose, coming off autopilot to make intentional decisions, why doubt and ambivalence are signals to collect data instead of rushing into action, and what it looks like to recommit and reimagine.

Here is the scoop on what we talked about —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• Why "is this still working for me?" might be the most powerful question you need to ask on a regular basis to have a life that reflects who you are now.
• How simply giving yourself permission to ask the question is the first step to everything after it
• What "The Drift" in marriage is, and why you naturally float apart unless you turn toward each other on purpose
• Coming off autopilot: the decisions we made 20 years ago for people we no longer are
• Orienting toward "am I capable?" instead of "am I safe?", and how that can help release the pressure of seeking safety in what is often an inherently unsafe world.
• Why doubt and ambivalence are signs to collect data, not to rush into action
• "What is unclear?", the question that gives you the next thing to look at
• Making the "exit plan" as an empowering exercise, even when you're staying
• Releasing what no longer serves the relationship vs. releasing the relationship itself
• Recommitting AND reimagining: it's not all-or-nothing
• Why doing new things together rekindles connection
  
  

RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

• The Questions for Couples Journal
• Private Coaching with Maggie
• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap
• Marriage Mindset Makeover
• Visit Lindsay's Website: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/
• Listen to The Mastering Coaching Skills Podcast: https://lindsaydotzlafcoaching.com/podcast/
• Ep 205: Understanding Divorce Part 1: 10 Things Every Woman Needs to Know
• Ep 206: Understanding Divorce Part 2: Exit Plans, Legal Structures, and Building Your Support Team

When you're in a relationship that feels stuck, where you love your partner, you chose this person, and yet something feels off, disconnected, or like you're going through the motions, there's a question that often lives in your mind: Can this actually be different?

In this greatest hits episode of The Marriage Life Coach Podcast, I'm sharing one of my favorite teachings—the power of one. It's a teaching that comes up all the time in so many conversations I have with the women I work with, and when I ask people what's one of their favorite things they learned from me, the power of one comes up over and over again.

Here's what I want you to know: The only way to find out if your relationship can be different is to do the work. You have to think differently, do differently, and then see how you feel, see how your partner responds. That's the experiment. You collect data. You try stuff. You evaluate and iterate. The scientific method applied to marriage.

So many of us get stuck in this loop of "Why should I be the one to change?" or "It takes two to tango." I get it. I totally hear you. But those thoughts keep you stuck in a holding pattern where nothing moves forward because you keep waiting for somebody else to take action.

The power of one—which is completely based on systems theory—tells us that when one element of a system changes, the rest of the system responds to that change. You go first. You lead with love, lead with intention. And then you see what happens. Your partner either meets you there or they don't. Either way, that's information you want to have. You either get closer or you get clear. And both of those outcomes serve you to move forward.

Here is the scoop on what's included —

✨ Episode at a Glance

• Why "going first" doesn't mean doing all the work

• What happens when you practice gratitude on purpose

• The importance of showing up for what you want

• How one person can change a relationship (yes, even you)

• Pattern interrupts and why they're important

• The impact of emotional leadership in your marriage

• Why small tweaks lead to quantum leaps over time

• The power of a do-over when things go sideways

• How to express appreciation to yourself today
  
  

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• The Questions for Couples Journal

• Private Coaching with Maggie

• Free Workshop: The Growth Gap

• Marriage Mindset Makeover

• Episode #49: Fresh Starts & Do Overs