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  • Lost Cause: More Secrets. | The Lost Cause Comedy Vault Vol IV. (Preview)

    Lost Cause: More Secrets. | The Lost Cause Comedy Vault Vol IV. (Preview)
    2026/10/04
    EXT. SKYLINE / ETHER - NIGHTA glimmer of light.Shimmering waves of silver and grey; Suddenly flushed with boredom, I mull over my own subconscious amoral Hemisphere of hemoglobin —A Closer Look.WRITER 1 (O.S.)I TOLD YOU ITS PRONOUNCED TEEEEEMOOOOOO!!!OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN, JIMMY FALLON Well fuck you, I hate you.New Character: Stripper named Mahogany RayneMAHOGANY RAYNEIT'S BRITNEY, BITCH. WRITER 1 (O.S.)Oh shit, it really is. WRITER 2 (O.S.)I Kno. {enter the multiverse} COSMOOh no. This feels good. WANDAWhat’s wrong??COSMOI thought we broke up. WANDAWe did technically broke up. COSMOOkay!Okay: WANDAI need a minute. MYSTICMy heart is heavy, My breath is shallow, This six knives which I foreshadowed nineFor still my heart, with that And oath my blood but knowledge forth, For trade and honor!Lies! Beneath your widow’s peak and salted ash, For ice became my fortune; True to mark for once,I hold you son, and then forgotten Slide my own and murky weathered praise within your virgo’s cosmic force, And this became her axe and slaughtered that, Becomes my curse, so bury that below my grave And alter what I knowe’th, for this I mark,My horse and stables to your iodine, Now become I, mine ,Become my mind and carry wayward trips, With such does melt within thy lips and eyes, As mine, my blood, and draining in your corpses, Run from tithered bond is mine, my own, And then became my last; No force of lust or love but life would draw thy blood But then my own as murder with your hands, again my axe, I have, But ask of you one poet.My love. I am betrayed again you half my wit,And thought eith lies as does betray you in my focus; Then, there, whispered ties I bond, And truth my proof with axel in my surface. Wood, and brine, with blood and wine, Did I dear suffer in dine Hollywood with eleganceFor there her feast had flooded with your waiting,And our purpose, Give now, my force, with want denied, And now, my blood, though withered and your foreign, Drift away with where depart your time from our adrift, Her eyes I had becometh. And now, I mark, our eyes and timesNot one, but all our eyes become What mind had ba’erd here truth with time Shall force her waves to change, and then her current. Sift now through these things, And then with leaning eyed did wander I, (Eye) To want and now became her luck, and force of doves, So shoot into the sky with such devout and then encumbered; But O, I am awakened in her arching back and truth with knives does split into my veins!Again I slandered by to find and thine to trust, And thrust with wander in my thighs and without judgement. Then with night did come as I, Not with but far and battered in my warrant; And oh did friends make I with also friends and kinFor there within in discouraged banter, bark embark or banter in my flurries waves of force, and so once dead And I did slumber. Amen—A Time. [the festival project ™] WRITER (O.S.)Ok that’s three times Lorne, what do you want? LORNEWell, I’m a company man. WRITER (O.S.)I don’t know what that means, suits. V.O.Unfortunately, I had a feeling though, since I’d wondered, I’d soon be finding out. INT. WHATEVER. UGH. Ace. The Ace of Spades again. I just— don’t understand. There was a pain and heaviness in my chest, And anytime I looked at it for long enough to feel myself and realize what I was doing, I would begin to panic. What was this anxiety? INT. ROCKEFELLER PLAZA STUDIO 8H. DAY WRITERHey Lorne. LORNEHello. WRITERI heard you had a place… LORNEWhich place?WRITERA place where um..I can—- I can scream?LORNEOh, yes. WRITERYes?LORNEMy “Screaming Place”. WRITEROkay… LORNEI’ll send a car. WRITER…alright. Thanks. [later] WRITERHey dude. What’s up. COLLEAGUENothin—Um, WRITERWhat’s up. COLLEAGUEUm. Lorne let me use his “screaming place” WRITERYeah? Nice. COLLEAGUE—it was nice. WRITERI bet. COLLEAGUEBut now, he keeps asking me do weird favors. WRITERSo do them. COLLEAGUEYeah but— [more seriously, staring him directly in the eyes.] WRITERDo them.“ Enter The Lipowitz, Part I.” ‘The Screaming Place’ INT. LORNE'S OFFICE - 1977 - NIGHTLORNEThe Ace— Again! PAUL SIMONHey Lorne! Whatcha doin’?LORNEPlaying cards! Or I thought I was. PAUL SIMONWhat do you mean?LORNEShuffle those for me. PAUL SIMONWell, alright. LORNEReal good; and I mean it. PAUL SIMONSlow down, fellow! What’s got you all riled up?LORNEA race against time! PAUL SIMONJust shuffle, alright? LORNEGot it. [beat] PAUL SIMONThat should do it. LORNEYou’re an expert marksman, aren’t you?PAUL SIMONWell, I suppose— why?LORNEBecause I might have you take me out and shoot me after this. PAUL SIMONWhy!? LORNEDepends on the card. PAUL SIMONAlright. LORNEAlright. I draw it. PAUL SIMONAlright. LORNEAlright. Now. Throw the deck away.PAUL SIMONThe entire deck?! LORNEYes!PAUL SIMONIt’s a brand new pack of cards!...
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    1 時間 8 分
  • (Preview) Lost Cause: Terminally Celibate.

    (Preview) Lost Cause: Terminally Celibate.
    2026/10/03
    INT. SHADOWED CHAMBER - NIGHTTwo blue eyes peek out of the darkness into the pale flicker of candlelight.SETH MEYERSHey.FIGURE (O.S.)Don’t come any closer, Seth Meyers, I’ll shoot you.Suddenly, a silver pistol emerges from the shadows, pointed directly between those two same very blue eyes.SETH MEYERSI don’t doubt that.FIGUREYou shouldn’t.SETH MEYERSAll right, well...FIGUREWell...SETH MEYERSI—brought popped corn, er... all right, my—kernels, rather.FIGURE...For what purpose?SETH MEYERS(shrugging)Don’t know. Kind of expecting... Lorne to show up.Seth steps forward into a pillar of downlight.FIGUREAgain, for what purpose?SETH MEYERSI feel like this is highly conversational for someone pointing a gun at me.FIGUREEveryone’s entitled to have an opinion.SETH MEYERSYou’re wittier when you’re contemplating homicide.FIGUREI’m not contemplating, I’m procrastinating.SETH MEYERSNot contemplating, procrastinating. Ah—so—dual purpose.FIGUREThat’s your wit shining through there.SETH MEYERSI’m sure it’s only reflecting in the mirror image of that pistol.FIGUREThree coats of polish.SETH MEYERSYou must have quite the iron grip.FIGUREHow about it.SETH MEYERSHow about...SETH MEYERS steps forward in tandem with the subtle CLICK of the pistol being gently cocked, barrel leveled at his brow. He slowly raises his hands above his head in surrender, then swiftly uses his right hand to dislodge a yellow number two pencil from behind his ear.He raises the pencil, wielding it like a wand before tapping the clear plastic bag of popped corn kernels in his left hand. Tap. Tap. He swirls the pencil in an arc around the bag.The bag instantly turns from popped corn into clear water containing one solitary, swimming GOLDFISH.Seth gestures outward with an open palm: voilà.FIGURE...Not bad.SETH MEYERS(shrugging)Mm.A sharp GUNSHOT rings out.Seth ducks, desperately gripping the bag as the goldfish swims unbothered. A high-caliber slug ricochets off an overhead crystal chandelier and shatters a wall mirror into thousands of prismatic shards. In reflexive retaliation, a silver bullet discharges from the silver pistol. It narrowly misses Seth, ripping straight through the clear plastic bag.SETH MEYERS (CONT'D)OH, FUCK!The bag ruptures. Water and the GOLDFISH splash onto the parquet floor. The goldfish thrashes next to Seth, who contorts between shielding his skull and reaching out to save the fish. More bullets tear through the air. Seth executes a panicked lateral roll as the fish flails across the wood.FIGUREBastard.TWO SHADOWY NINJAS breach the perimeter through high windows.SETH MEYERSWhy?!FIGUREWhy not?Suddenly, ARMORED SAMURAI kick down the rear doors, drawing katanas!SETH MEYERSWait, ninjas or samurai?!FIGURE¿Por qué no los dos?The architectural dimensions of the room instantly fracture as the space erupts into a multi-epochal, cross-dimensional melee; cybernetic samurai clash swords with ancient shinobi; Victorian-era pirates brandish cutlasses against trench-coat-wearing 1930s mobsters firing tommy guns. Laser beams from futuristic space-cops intersect with mystical fireballs deployed by hovering medieval dragons, as Wild West cowboys on horseback materialize from localized temporal rifts, dual-wielding revolvers beside trident-toting mermaids who surge forward on crests of tidal anomalies.Amidst this cataclysmic tapestry of historical and mythological warfare, Seth Meyers is thrust into absolute, frantic desperation. He flails prone across the architecture, executing erratic lateral rolls and frantic somersaults to evade supersonic projectiles, whistling crossbow bolts, and stray cannonballs that pulverize the surrounding masonry. A sweeping claymore decapitates an adjacent combatant, passing a mere millimeter above Seth’s ducked head; moments later, a rogue shuriken grazes his ankle, leaving a burning laceration. Yet his focus remains tethered to the aquatic captive.He maneuvers across the floorboards like an uncoordinated gymnast, contorting his torso into protective arcs and cupping his palms into a fragile, improvised vessel. The combatants demonstrate a surreal, highly choreographed deference to the central chaos; they execute gravity-defying leaps, stealthy pirouettes, and fluid, rhythmic lunges directly over Seth’s undulating form, weaving their lethal maneuvers through the air with microscopic precision. A stray bowie knife embeds itself deeply into the floorboards, pinning the fabric of Seth's sleeve and narrowly missing his arm, yet through this symphonic display of universal hostility, the goldfish remains miraculously untouched, entirely unstepped upon amidst the stampede of boots, hooves, and flippers.SETH MEYERS (CONT'D)(calling out to nobody)I’m fine!The quick, nimble footwork of the warriors somehow leaves both Seth and the fish alive. However, the goldfish ceases its frantic flailing, opening its mouth in faint, desperate gasps for oxygen.The surviving combatants ...
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    1 時間 7 分
  • 03. The Lost Cause Comedy Vault Vol. I Episode 3 - {"The Killing Bees"}

    03. The Lost Cause Comedy Vault Vol. I Episode 3 - {"The Killing Bees"}
    2026/10/03
    EXT. PRIMEVAL FOREST - DAYSHIEKWhat has you up against a wall?FINIMy brother.SHIEKWhat’s wrong?FINIHe’s going to kill me; I can feel it.CHAOS and INFINITY are immortal souls of creation, trapped in a centuries-long game of seek-and-find—or, more accurately, seek-and-destroy, as the strategic and tactical INFINITY is usually bested by her younger brother CHAOS by his tactile use of brute force, weaponry, and merciless destruction.INFINITY, though equipped with an adapting presence, plays this game set in principles of fact, respecting the art of war and playing it rather fairly—Perhaps this is why she keeps losing to her much younger, but physically adaptive younger brother—as these ranges within time upon which they age almost certainly always place him as technically appearing, for humanoid purposes, older, bigger, and stronger—however, not more powerful.CHAOS has learned the karmic output of his own destruction, usually looming over him in a cosmic outward effect which summits more like a rippling throughout time served as consequences, as he awaits his sister’s imminent recycle and age against his own reincarnation and death epochs.SHIEKThere’s a sense that he might be creeping along, I gather, but I don’t think “today” is nearly accurate enough to assume your holding position against that poor creature as a requisite defense.By this "poor creature," she means the tree which FINI is leaning on to her wits' end; in this world and time, planetary biologics such as trees, plants, and animals are acknowledged also as wholly formed consciousness in physical manifestations as an artistic creative concept for the mastery of planets throughout time in the cosmic realm, and manipulation of energy throughout such as creatures, animals, people, and the very planets upon which they exist.In fact, it was in the beginning of these realms and primordial worlds within the voids that INFINITY—or FINI—had adapted this concept of creation by merging these alchemic thoughts with outer forces, creating complex multi-structures and full galaxy concepts, rather than just concentrating one’s entire own energy into a singular planet, or as humans would call it, monotheistic concepts. That is, at once, INFINITY had configured with respect to her outwardly expanding consciousness, rapid creation of planetary constructs as powerful multidimensional galactic art projects.This, in our own world and time, explains our own belief systems, spanning many worlds and many gods.SHIEK (CONT'D)How do you expect to keep all of them up there like that?FINIEventually, they’ll stay in place on their own.SHIEKHow do you figure that?!FINIJust wait for it.Gravity and its placement within the void remains at large an experimental and theoretical concept of compression in pure consciousness.[The Festival Project ™]FINI (CONT'D)No, I know the feeling when it’s coming.SHIEKYour brother?FININo. The feeling of death and impending doom, but with him as the agent of this, most likely.SHIEKYou are funny.FINII’m not joking.SHIEKBut it’s funny.FINII’m making you aware, there’s no mistaking it...SHIEKSpare me the theatrics.FINII’m not exaggerating—here, take this.SHIEKOkay, but why am I taking this?FINIHe has a harpoon.SHIEKWhat's a harpoon?FINIA weapon.SHIEKWhere did he get it?FINII gave it to him for his birthday. Then, he threw me from a cliff.SHIEKWell, then, why are you so sure he’s coming for you with it in this reincarnation, and on this day precisely?FINIBecause. I’ve been calculating it—and—since he was young, and we made up this game—we’ve always been playing it. At first, I let him win because I’m ancient, I didn’t realize he’d be disfiguring me for the next—Suddenly, there’s a rustling in the distance; a flock of birds bursts into the wind.FINI (CONT'D)—did you hear that?SHIEKI didn’t hear anything over your paranoid over-dramatics... but I can tell you’re really serious. He threw you off a cliff?FINIYeah, he did.SHIEKWhy would he do that?FINIBecause, I’d once contemplated knowing what it feels like to free fall that exact height without any aviary instruments.SHIEKOh, that’s—harsh.FINIArt in the name of the pursuit of knowledge.SHIEKAll is.FINI—and since it was his birthday, I was anticipating it.SHIEKI don’t get it. You think he actually likes doing this?FINIMy brother is increasingly destructive—menial, even. This is just the nature of his—SWUUFPPT!INFINITY is hit from an unseen angle above; a harpoon has been plunged diagonally and directly into her chest.FINI (CONT'D)See. I told you.She’s now pinned to the tree by the harpoon. CHAOS descends from a nearby tree. INFINITY looks down at her fatal wound at the harpoon and admires it for its quality.FINI (CONT'D)That is nice. I like that.SHIEKWhere did you even get something like that?FININow I’m being funny, I’m also dying—you should at the very least be laughing for me.SHIEKIt's not worth it if I...
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    1 時間 1 分
  • 9. The Lost Cause Comedy Vault Vol. IIi Ep. {"The Diamond Hour"}

    9. The Lost Cause Comedy Vault Vol. IIi Ep. {"The Diamond Hour"}
    2026/09/30
    {ENTER THE MULTIVERSE} | LEGENDS SPINOFF - [THE FESTIVAL PROJECT ™ } PRESENTS…The Chronicles of WTF(The Chronicles of Whatthefuck)**\ðə ˈkrɑː.nɪ.kəlz əv ˌwʌt.ðə.ˈfʌk**.[thuh KRAH-nih-kulz uhv wut-thuh-FUK.]EPISODE 001: PILOT‘My Name Is James ‘Chapter I: Lost Boy RED leans over the bed of the truck, leaning over the giant pine tree with the strap buckle gripped tight in his gloved dominant hand. He pulls as he leans over sliding back and down onto the ground, until his feet are firmly planted; his boots press into the gravel below him with just enough give to show that the land has not yet frozen over for the winter. He looks assuredly at his work, knowing that the tree is securely fitted to the truck bed—but the look of worry in his glistening eyes ties his to somewhere far off; and he seems unsure of his friend, JOSELYN, much taller and long, with blonde straw hair sticking up from under his knitted hat as if there’s been an electric shock. He looks at his friend, then back up at the large mound of tree in the truck bed, still sort of somber. RED Alright, that should do it. JOSELYN I’ll say. RED Just make sure when you get the other one, you get it up there the same way. Like this. JOSELYN I will. RED I mean it. JOSELYN Don’t worry! —but Red is obviously worried. He takes his hands from his hips and fishes the keys out of his pockets, the frost hanging from his eyebrows and tunneling from his breath in the frigid cold; it’s yet to snow, but you can smell that it ought to. In fact, it will. RED hands his buddy the keys to the truck almost begrudgingly, but still somewhat dismissive. JOSELYN seems aloof; we understand that he’s a quite bubbly young man, and his blue-green eyes seem to light up even against the frigid cold of the forest mountain. RED Alright. I’ll meet you down there. JOSELYN Okay. See you down there. JOSELYN enters the truck and starts it, driving away and further down the mountain. Now RED looks on with a knowing sadness that doesn’t fade away, as he looks behind him, to the glimmer of a light inside of a small CABIN, the flickering flame of a lantern inside, over his shoulder and then back out, to see last sight of the truck has vanished down the subtle grade of the rolling forests. He moves toward the cabin but doesn’t enter; instead only fashioning himself with an axe, a pick, and a shovel and rope at the workbench to the side of the cabin, slipping his tools into the utility loops on his carpenter pants, then walking away, throwing the coiled rope over his shoulder. He doesn’t look back, and works his way gently down a hidden ledge, climbing over and down, disappearing into what appears to be a thick mountain fog settling over the mountain.We pan out to a wide shot of the now very desolate mountainside; the Cabin sits alone with only the warm glowing light of the lamp in the window, as the smallest flakes of snow begin to fall into a whimsical flutter, Whimsical, but also, somehow, dark. [The Festival Project ™] “Don’t you follow me in here.”, he said, griping at me like he always does. “But I have to,” I said. “I’m your shadow.” He doesn’t go anywhere without me, but never lets me forget it. Not even for a moment. He acts as if he doesn’t like me, but I think that’s because he has to— He seems to have to do a lot of things I don’t understand, but then. Neither does he. My Name Is James He simply does them just because he ‘has to.’{Enter The Multiverse}EXT. MOUNTAIN POST. NIGHTFALLJOSELYN has waited several hours at the POST with no sign of RED. The snow has fallen significantly now and has even become quiet heavy. His face is red and flush from cold, and his golden eyelashes are nearly hidden under a muster of snow. He watches the last of the daylight disappear into nightfall over the horizon of the forests steep cliffs and tree tops, the flurries swirling around him as he breathes heavily into his gloved hands to warm them; we can assume that he’s been standing there long enough that his gloves are no longer effective, but he stares willfully and squinting with determination toward the mountain as if staring with such intent will make his friend appear. After a few brief moments, his focus and silence is broken by the presence of a short and stout man; a RANGER appears at his side with a warm cup of what appears to be HOT COCOA. JOSELYN breaks his hound dog like gaze for only a moment to politely acknowledge and accept this; before immediately snapping back into what almost looks to be a trance of sorts.The RANGER, also looking out into the wilderness sighs. RANGERWon’t you come inside?Without breaking his gaze and taking only the smallest sip from the mug, JOSELYN doesn’t even shake his head, “no.” Instead he rather obstinately stands planted and affixed to the horizon. JOESELYN Not yet. The RANGER lets out a sharp sigh, with a plume of frosty cold ...
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