Mum writes her first letter to Xander at University in 1999.  There is some content about the Queen, and Claire and Xander considered re-recording post her death but they quite simply could not be arsed.

Good Luck.

Claire has a threesome with Dido and Binty.  Xander knows he is gay but hasn't come out yet and Mum takes quite the risk by machine washing a dry-clean-only garment.  

Contains swearing, laughter and scenes of a gay nature.  Thank God.

Wow what an eventful letter this week! Mum has a moment of doubt as to whether she has in fact taped Friends and Frasier on the VHS recorder.  Xander settles in for his third week at University and Fiona The Boner has a 6 way Lesbian Orgy.

Dad gets rid of some cat poo from the garden. Mum goes for coffee and a scone with Janet Bee-Hee and Claire goes for a sleep over with Bisexual Beatrice from Badminton.  Xander realises that a BJ is connecting a mouth with a wee wee hole and Claire tells us all about Vulva flaps. Dare you listen? 

This letter sees a key change as Claire discusses her fears surrounding the moment Mum’s sister (Auntie Kay) died. Mum watches First Wives Club, Xander admits he wants to be left alone in a small dark room and we accidentally on purpose allegedly slag off the Pope.  Ooops.  Our bad.   Let's hope he doesn't stop listening.

Something to help you in your day today:

“If you can't hate yourself, how the hell you gonna hate anybody else.”

Xander is feeling a bit anxious having just started university in 1999.  Claire has a telephone conversation with mum which is very enlightening, and there is much discussion about the micro penis.  All will be revealed in letter 6.

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Xander books a venue for their Edinburgh stand-up, then Claire pulls out because she can’t bare to be away from her kids for more than 2 seconds at a time.  Xander immediately replaces her with a ventriloquist dummy and it turns out the dummy is more interesting, valuable and funny than Claire has ever been. 

In 1999 Mum tells us some hot hot gossip, Claire turns up some trousers with sticky tape and Dad drops a slice of potato into his gravy.  

Who knew the 1990s were so eventful right?

Mum & Dad Roger Sylvia in a smoke and booze fuelled orgy.   Xander tries to find out what the cis female orgasm really is, and Claire tries her best to avoid the question.

Remember don't tell anyone about the podcast 🤫