An RHS judge is coming to lunch on Saturday. You have one afternoon. Do you tidy the garden, or cook something delicious? Cue a deep sigh — the answer turns out to have almost nothing to do with gardening.

James Alexander-Sinclair and Joe Swift are back in the mailbag, answering the questions that scare the wits out of the other garden podcasts. This week yours send them from a medieval drawbridge to a Babylonian palace by way of a French ski slope. Somewhere in the middle of it they settle the burrata question, acquire a new job title, and Joe decides — live, with no warning whatsoever — precisely which plant represents Arsenal Football Club.

Also featuring: why a lawn burnt to a crisp is now the most sustainable thing you own, the correct number of concealed hori horis to carry into a castle, the deluxe half-day tour of the Garden of Eden (compost heap included), a signed fig leaf, James's genuine career ambition to be a professional washer-upper, and a two-dishwasher system that he is convinced cannot mathematically work.

This week's questions: Jane — an RHS judge and his wife are coming for lunch. Tidy the garden, or cook? Jackie in Ontario — as an Arsenal fan, which flower would Joe choose to represent his team? Buffy in Maine — one afternoon in any garden in human history. Where are you going? Rocco — if you weren't in garden design and broadcasting, what would you have been?

Chapters:

00:00 The two rules

02:12 James attempts the theme tune

04:26 Gnomes, and where to catch us live

06:56 Jane: an RHS judge is coming to lunch

14:13 Jackie in Ontario: which flower is Arsenal?

19:25 Dear Lords of Landscape

21:39 Buffy in Maine: one afternoon, any garden in history

28:05 Rocco: what would you be, if not this?

31:23 The two-dishwasher problem

34:51 James becomes an Olympic downhill skier

36:06 Goodnight from Joseph

See James and Joe live: Yeo Valley Organic Garden Festival, Somerset — 17 September. Advice for young and old gardeners, mostly in the form of mistakes they have already made on your behalf. The Garden Museum, London — 10 November. City gardens versus country gardens, with a proper audience vote.

Send us a question and you could win the most coveted prize in horticulture. Not a Chelsea gold medal — the gnome. To ask us a question email gnome@jamesandjoegarden.com or go to our website www.jamesandjoegarden.com

About our hosts

James Alexander-Sinclair is a garden designer, writer and broadcaster. He is an RHS Vice-President and was awarded the Veitch Memorial Medal for outstanding contribution to horticulture in 2022.

Joe Swift is a familiar face on television as a presenter of BBC TV's Gardeners' World and other gardening programmes. He is a garden designer, broadcaster, writer and design director of Modular.

For ad free listening and bonus content then join us at the Garden Collective. Not only will you get us but new articles every week from some of the best garden writers around and access to a bulging archive from (without wishing to drop names) the likes of Alan Titchmarsh, Ann-Marie Powell, Tom and Sue Stuart-Smith, Advolly Richmond, Jan Etherington and many others. Come and join the Collective for essays, seasonal notes, reflections and stories.

Follow James & Joe on Instagram: @jamesandjoegarden

Follow The Garden Collective on Instagram: garden_collective_

Contact us: gnome@jamesandjoegarden.com

www.jamesandjoegarden.com

No dead plants and no dull questions. See you back in the garden.

Are hanging baskets a joyful party in a basket… or a drought-stricken relic dripping brown water onto your pint?

This week James Alexander-Sinclair and Joe Swift end up on opposite sides. Joe declares the hanging basket dead: unsustainable, un-waterable, a whole summer of annuals frying fifteen feet up a wall. James wants to make them BIGGER. Big enough to grow an oak tree in. Big enough to have a snooze in.

Along the way: the Badminton show garden that won Best in Show on hanging baskets alone, the Hanging Basket King of Lincolnshire and his immortal sales line, a Chelsea judge dressed head to toe in cricket kit, olive oil tins from Hackney kebab shops, hanging basket semaphore in the style of Nelson at Trafalgar, and an entirely unnecessary digression about a prog rock album called Hanging Baskets of Babylon.

Plus: what's actually surviving 40°C in France, and the definitive answer to "when is a hanging basket not a hanging basket?"

Team hanging basket, or team absolutely not? Tell us in the comments.

CHAPTERS

00:00 The least sensible gardening podcast on the planet02:23 40°C in France: what's surviving and what isn't05:22 This week's topic, chosen by our eight researchers06:36 The Badminton garden that won Best in Show08:14 Alpine strawberries, French beans and a bad idea10:21 The Churchill Arms, and why pubs do it best10:46 The Hanging Baskets of Babylon12:18 Drip systems, brown water and your pint13:13 Prog rock digression: 22 minutes of drum solo15:16 The Hanging Basket King: "it's a party in a basket"17:42 Joe's case: the hanging basket is dead18:13 James's case: they're simply not big enough19:00 Nappies, moss, coir and why foraging is illegal20:25 When is a hanging basket not a hanging basket?21:13 Bras, colanders, kitchen sieves and olive oil tins24:38 Le jardin volant: napping in a flying garden28:13 Tumbling toms, pulleys and basket semaphore29:46 The verdict: pubs yes, restraint no31:31 Send us your questions

To ask us a question email gnome@jamesandjoegarden.com or go to our website www.jamesandjoegarden.com

ABOUT OUR HOSTS

James Alexander-Sinclair is a garden designer, writer and broadcaster. He is an RHS Vice-President and was awarded the Veitch Memorial Medal for outstanding contribution to horticulture in 2022.

Joe Swift is a familiar face on television as a presenter of BBC TV's Gardeners' World and other gardening programmes. He is a garden designer, broadcaster, writer and design director of Modular.

JOIN THE GARDEN COLLECTIVE

For ad free listening and bonus content then join us at the Garden Collective.Not only will you get us but new articles every week from some of the best garden writers around and access to a bulging archive from (without wishing to drop names) the likes of Alan Titchmarsh, Ann-Marie Powell, Tom and Sue Stuart-Smith, Advolly Richmond, Jan Etherington and many others. Come and join the Collective for essays, seasonal notes, reflections and stories.

Follow James & Joe on Instagram: @jamesandjoegardenFollow The Garden Collective on Instagram: garden_collective_Contact us: gnome@jamesandjoegarden.comwww.jamesandjoegarden.com

Our only two rules: no dead plants and no dull questions.

Which garden plant is most likely to achieve sentience first — and should you be locking the letterbox? Cue a deep sigh.

James Alexander-Sinclair and Joe Swift are back with a mailbag full of your questions, and this week they manage to answer nearly all of them while agreeing on almost nothing.

In this episode the pair dive into:

– Whether fungi have already quietly taken over the world, and whether the oak tree is the brains of the operation while the mycorrhizal network is just the delivery driver (Joe objects on behalf of delivery drivers everywhere)

– The bindweed that comes in through the letterbox, up the stairs, round the banisters and drags you out of bed by the ankle. Joe is on holiday. Joe would now like to go home.

– The first jobs that made them: Joe's circular wildlife pond in Maida Vale, and the trellis James built in the shape of a queue at a bus stop — while wearing a kilt

– How to actually catch a house fly. Clap ABOVE it. James claims an 80% strike rate. Joe does not believe a word of it.

– Why a fig is the only non-vegan fruit, and what exactly happens to the wasp

– And what really goes on when RHS judges disappear into the dark room for moderation. Spoiler: it's Biscoff, mid-judging ice creams, and at least one judge with a Haribo dummy hanging out the corner of their mouth.

Plus the plant they secretly despise — although one of them bottles it completely at the last moment.

Questions this week from Kip Guy, Lin Guns, Annalisa Wells, Venetia and Jem.

Catch us live at Yeo Valley Festival, Somerset, on 17th September.

To ask us a question email gnome@jamesandjoegarden.com or go to our website www.jamesandjoegarden.com

ABOUT OUR HOSTS

James Alexander-Sinclair is a garden designer, writer and broadcaster. He is an RHS Vice-President and was awarded the Veitch Memorial Medal for outstanding contribution to horticulture in 2022.

Joe Swift is a familiar face on television as a presenter of BBC TV's Gardeners' World and other gardening programmes. He is a garden designer, broadcaster, writer and design director of Modular.

THE GARDEN COLLECTIVE

For ad free listening and bonus content then join us at the Garden Collective.Not only will you get us but new articles every week from some of the best garden writers around and access to a bulging archive from (without wishing to drop names) the likes of Alan Titchmarsh, Ann-Marie Powell, Tom and Sue Stuart-Smith, Advolly Richmond, Jan Etherington and many others. Come and join the Collective for essays, seasonal notes, reflections and stories.

FOLLOW US

Follow James & Joe on Instagram: @jamesandjoegardenFollow The Garden Collective on Instagram: garden_collective_Contact us: gnome@jamesandjoegarden.comwww.jamesandjoegarden.com

Send us your weird and wonderful garden questions for the chance to win our treasured mascot, the Garden Collective gnome, Jekyll. Our only two rules? No dead plants and no dull questions.