The Issue of Autonomy: Choosing Yourself Without Abandoning Others
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Being “the strong one” can look noble on the outside and feel crushing on the inside. We’re Dr. Janice Moore and Reverend Jermine Alberty, and we’re digging into autonomy, boundaries, and the quiet burnout that often comes with high-functioning codependency, especially for helpers, fixers, caregivers, leaders, and rescuers. When your worth gets tied to being needed, love can start to feel like a job you can’t quit, and your internal peace becomes the price.
We draw inspiration from Terry Cole’s Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High Functioning Codependency and ask the hard questions: Do I feel guilty when I say no? Do I take responsibility for other people’s emotions? Do I struggle to name what I actually want? We also name an uncomfortable truth: helping can slide into control. Rescuing can communicate distrust, block someone else’s growth, and reduce our own anxiety more than it supports their well-being.
From a faith and mental health perspective, we talk about service with boundaries and the freedom of remembering we are not anyone’s savior. Jesus already has that job. You’ll also get practical language you can use right away like “Let me think about that,” “Let me check my schedule,” and “I’ll get back to you,” plus a clear framework for identifying your needs, resisting the urge to rescue, and protecting relationships with healthy limits.
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