Why Do I Feel Guilty When I'm Happy? | The Grief Guardian Podcast - Episode 74

Can you be happy while grieving?

After losing someone you love, happiness can sometimes feel wrong.

You laugh. You enjoy yourself. You have a good day. Maybe you even forget about your grief for a little while.

Then the guilt arrives:

“How can I be happy when they're not here?”

In this episode of The Grief Guardian Podcast, I talk about my own experience with this after losing my daughter, Mia.

Our first Christmas after losing Mia was in 2022. We chose not to celebrate because we didn't want to put ourselves into an environment where everyone else was celebrating while we were grieving. Later, I found something unexpected through training. When I was focused on moving, learning and doing what I needed to do, I could experience joy without feeling guilty.

Over time, I came to understand that happiness doesn't mean moving on.

It doesn't mean forgetting.

It doesn't mean you love the person you lost any less.

You can be happy with your life while still being heartbroken that the person you love isn't here to experience it with you.

For me, the biggest shift came when I realised that I wasn't living without Mia. I was living for Mia.

I get to experience the things she doesn't.

I get to see the places she never will.

I get to have the experiences we should have had together.

And I believe she would want me to live every day to its fullest.

As grief begins to heal, there can be more room for love. You don't have to remain sad all the time to prove how much someone meant to you.

You can miss someone terribly and still have a good day.

If you're grieving and you've recently felt guilty for laughing, enjoying yourself or simply having a good day, I hope this episode reminds you that you haven't betrayed the person you lost.

You're still grieving.

You're still loving them.

You're just living too.

About The Grief Guardian

The Grief Guardian exists to help people navigate life after loss.

Through honest conversations, personal experiences and practical ideas around grief and healing, my goal is simple:

To help you find a way to live again without leaving the person you lost behind.

If this episode helps you, please consider sharing it with someone who might need to hear it.

You never know who is quietly struggling with the guilt of feeling happy again.

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Going Home Without Your Child | The Grief Guardian Podcast – Episode 73

There is a moment after losing a child that can be almost impossible to describe.

You have to leave the hospital.

You have to walk through your front door.

And your child isn't coming home with you.

In this deeply personal episode of The Grief Guardian Podcast, Grant Cosgrove shares what it was like to leave the hospital after losing his daughter, Mia, and return to a home that had been prepared for a family of three.

But that wasn't the only trauma happening.

After Mia was born stillborn, Grant's partner Saroeun was rushed into emergency care after doctors discovered she had no blood pressure. While she was fighting for her life in ICU, Grant was trying to process the loss of his daughter.

Then came another unexpected trauma. Police investigating Mia's death forced entry into Grant and Saroeun's home, leaving the front door damaged for around three months. Every time Grant came home, he was confronted by a physical reminder of that terrible day.

Yet alongside the trauma came something Grant desperately needed: human connection.

Friends and family helped keep him grounded when reality didn't feel real anymore. At the same time, Grant discovered that he also needed solitude. Sitting at his computer and writing down exactly what had happened became one of the ways he began processing what he had been through.

He wasn't following a grief program.

He didn't know what he was supposed to do.

He was just winging it.

And sometimes, that's enough.

In this episode, Grant talks about:

• The shock and numbness of leaving the hospital without his daughter
• Walking into an empty home while Saroeun was still critically ill
• The impact of having his home broken into during an already traumatic time
• Why human connection can be so important in the early days of grief
• Why solitude can be just as important
• How writing his story helped him process the trauma
• Why you don't need to know how you're going to get through tomorrow
• The moment Grant realised he was beginning to find his feet
• Why healing doesn't mean loving your child less
• How the pain can shift while the love remains
• What Mia ultimately gave Grant: a complete understanding of love

If you're grieving

If you've just gone home without your child, you don't need to figure out your whole future today.

Tomorrow is too far away.

Focus on the moment you're in.

What do you need to do right now?

Then take the next step.

And the next.

You don't have to know how you're going to get through tomorrow.

You just need to get through this moment.

About The Grief Guardian

The Grief Guardian exists to help people navigate life after losing someone they love, particularly parents and fathers who can sometimes feel forgotten in the conversation around grief.

Grant's daughter Mia is at the heart of this work.

Mia never had the chance to take a breath in the physical world, yet her life continues to affect people Grant has never met.

The hope is that her story can help someone else find their feet.

You are not alone.

If this episode speaks to you, please consider subscribing to The Grief Guardian and sharing it with someone who might need to hear it.

🌐 The Grief Guardian: thegriefguardian.com

☕ Support The Grief Guardian: buymeacoffee.com/thegriefguardian

📱 Instagram: @grant_a_cosgrove

#Grief #ChildLoss #Stillbirth #GrievingFather #GriefSupport #TheGriefGuardian #GriefJourney #LosingAChild #BereavedParents #Stillborn

Taking the Small Wins: Being Kind to Yourself Through the Grieving Process | Episode 72

When you're grieving, it's easy to measure yourself against where you think you should be.

"It's been six months. I should be better by now."

"It's been a year. Why am I still struggling?"

But what does "better" actually mean?

In this episode of The Grief Guardian Podcast, I talk about something I've learned through my own journey after losing my daughter, Mia: sometimes the only way to recognise how far you've come is to stop looking at where you're going and look back at where you've been.

We talk about:

• Recognising the small wins that you may not even notice at the time
• Why getting through an ordinary day can be an achievement when you're grieving
• The first time I was able to talk about Mia without completely falling apart
• Why comparing yourself to where you think you "should" be can make grief even harder
• The moving horizon of goal setting and why looking backwards can show you progress
• Accepting that sometimes there simply are no answers
• Taking responsibility without spending your life punishing yourself
• Why you're allowed to have a good day without feeling guilty
• Finding reasons to keep living when grief becomes overwhelming
• The importance of finding just one thing to be grateful for each day

I also share something I see regularly with my martial arts students: they often don't realise how much they've progressed because they're focused on what they still can't do.

Grief can be the same.

The horizon keeps moving, but where you've come from is a constant.

So don't worry about fixing everything tomorrow.

Find one thing you're grateful for.

It could be your family. A friend. A walk. The sunshine.

Or maybe...

a really awesome cup of coffee.

That's your small win.

And sometimes, that's enough.

If you're grieving the loss of a child, a partner, a parent, a friend, or someone else you love, I hope this episode reminds you to give yourself some credit. You're probably doing better than you think.

The Grief Guardian Podcast is about finding a practical way forward through grief and learning how to live again after devastating loss.

I'm Grant Cosgrove. I lost my daughter Mia, and The Grief Guardian exists to help others navigate the journey I wish I had been better prepared for.

If this episode helps you, please consider liking, subscribing and sharing it with someone who might need to hear it.

You never know who is sitting alone today wondering if they're ever going to feel okay again.

Sometimes one message, one conversation, or one small win can make a difference.
Connect with The Grief Guardian

🌐 Website: ⁠https://thegriefguardian.com.au⁠

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61566541571732

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/grant_a_cosgrove/

☕ Support the podcast: ⁠https://buymeacoffee.com/thegriefguardian⁠

#Grief #GriefSupport #ChildLoss #Grieving #TheGriefGuardian #GriefRecovery #HealingFromGrief #GriefJourney #SmallWins #Bereavement

The Grief Guardian

Episode 71: Intergenerational Grief | Can Grief Be Passed Down Through Generations?

Can grief and trauma be passed down from one generation to the next?

Not just through stories and memories, but through the way families deal with pain, fear, loss and uncertainty?

And if trauma can be passed down, can healing be passed down too?

In Episode 71 of The Grief Guardian Podcast, I take a look at intergenerational grief and the ways experiences of loss and trauma can affect generations that follow.

I share some of my thoughts about Saroeun and her family's escape from the Khmer Rouge. Saroeun was born while her family was on the run and spent the first five years of her life in a refugee camp in Thailand. I've often wondered how an experience like that can affect a person, even when much of it happened before they were old enough to consciously remember it.

We also look at the question of whether trauma can have biological or epigenetic effects across generations. The science is still developing, and I don't believe we should make claims that go beyond what we actually know.

But there are other ways grief and trauma clearly move through families:

Through parenting.
Through behaviour.
Through fear.
Through silence.
Through the stories we tell.
And through the stories we never tell.

I also talk about my own experience of losing Mia.

Mia never took a breath in the physical world, yet her life has already touched so many people and changed the direction of mine.

Her death became the reason I wanted to help other people heal.

That's where The Grief Guardian came from.

I've said before that I want to leave behind a legacy of healing rather than trauma. I want to create a toolkit that could still help someone generations from now.

Because perhaps the story doesn't have to be:

Trauma → grief → trauma → grief.

Perhaps it can become:

Trauma → healing → understanding → healing.

We may not be able to choose what happened to us.

But we can have some say in what happens next.

And maybe the greatest question we can ask ourselves is:

What are we passing on?

00:00 - Can grief be passed down through generations?
02:00 - What is intergenerational grief?
04:00 - Saroeun's family and the Khmer Rouge
06:30 - Can trauma affect future generations?
08:00 - Epigenetics and the question of DNA
10:00 - What children learn by watching us grieve
12:00 - Mia and the creation of The Grief Guardian
14:00 - Leaving a legacy of healing
16:00 - Finding your own path to healing
18:00 - What are you passing on?

If you are grieving the loss of a child, a family member, or someone you love, I hope this episode reminds you that there is no single path through grief.

Be open to different forms of healing. Try things. Find what works for you. It may be one thing, or it may be many things together.

You don't have to forget the person you've lost to heal.

You carry their memory forward by continuing to live.

The Grief Guardian Podcast

A podcast about grief, loss, healing and finding a way forward when life doesn't turn out the way you thought it would.

Hosted by Grant Cosgrove.

Connect with The Grief Guardian

🌐 Website: https://thegriefguardian.com.au

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61566541571732

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/grant_a_cosgrove/

☕ Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/thegriefguardian

#TheGriefGuardian #IntergenerationalGrief #Grief #ChildLoss #GriefHealing #HealingAfterLoss #GrievingParents #LegacyOfHealing #Mia

In this episode:

Grief for Men Who Struggle to Speak | For Men Who Bottle Everything Up

Men are taught to be strong.

We're told not to cry, not to complain, not to show weakness and to just get on with it.

But what happens when a man experiences a loss so devastating that "just getting on with it" isn't enough?

In this episode of The Grief Guardian Podcast, I talk directly to men who bottle their grief up and struggle to put their emotions into words.

I share my own experience of grieving Mia while Saroeun was in hospital fighting for her life, including the moments when I would hold everything together around others, only to break down alone in the car at traffic lights or when I got home.

We talk about:

• Why many men struggle to express grief

• The old belief that "men don't cry"

• The difference between being strong and pretending you're not hurting

• The guilt, "why" and "what if" questions that can consume us

• What emotional numbness can feel like

• Why grief needs an outlet

• How bottled-up grief can affect relationships, work and anger

• Writing, talking and other ways to give grief somewhere to go

• Why real strength means knowing when to be the rock and when to lean on one

• A simple first step for men who don't know what to do with their grief

If you're a man who has been carrying grief silently, this episode is for you.

You don't have to stop being strong.

You just need to understand that even rocks need somewhere to rest.

I'm Grant Cosgrove, host of The Grief Guardian Podcast.

After losing my daughter Mia, I began looking at grief differently. This podcast is about the parts of grief we don't always talk about, especially the experiences that can leave people feeling isolated, misunderstood or completely unprepared for what comes next.

If this episode speaks to you, consider subscribing to the channel and sharing it with someone who may need to hear it.

You don't have to carry it alone.
Connect with The Grief Guardian

🌐 Website: https://thegriefguardian.com.au

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thegriefguardian

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/grant_a_cosgrove/

☕ Support the podcast: https://buymeacoffee.com/thegriefguardian

#Grief #MensMentalHealth #ChildLoss #GriefForMen #GrievingMen #GriefSupport #TheGriefGuardian #Bereavement

About The Grief Guardian

The Grief That Doesn't End | Mourning the Future You Imagined

When you lose a child, you don't just lose the life they had.

You lose the future you thought you'd have with them.

Christmases. Birthdays. First days of school. Teenage years. Graduations. Watching them learn to drive. Watching them fall in love. All the ordinary moments you assumed would simply happen.

In this episode of The Grief Guardian Podcast, I talk openly about the grief that comes from losing Mia's future.

Mia was born sleeping in October 2022. Her first Christmas, her first birthday, and every milestone since have brought another reminder of the life we should have experienced together.

I talk about the guilt we felt around celebrating without her, why we chose to avoid some celebrations involving young children, and the beautiful origami boat ritual Saroeun created for Mia's first birthday.

I also talk about what it's like seeing children around the age Mia would be now and imagining what she might have been like. Her personality. Her confidence. The person she might have become.

But this episode isn't only about sadness.

It's also about how grief changes.

For me, the overwhelming grief has slowly become something quieter. A feeling that something is missing. The sadness is still there, but so is love, gratitude and a sense of connection.

I believe Mia is still with us at a soul level. I believe she continues to teach us, guide us and remind us what love really is.

And perhaps most importantly, I've learned that I don't have to grieve every future milestone today.

I'll deal with each one when it arrives.

I can't give Mia the future she should have had.

But I can live the life I still have in a way that honours her.

I can build a legacy around her memory.

And I can try to live in a way that would make her proud to have me as her father.

If you've lost a child, I hope this episode reminds you that you don't have to carry the entire future today.

One milestone at a time. One day at a time.

💬 I'd love to hear from you

If you've experienced the loss of a child, what future milestone has been the hardest for you?

And how have you found ways to honour your child as the years continue?

Feel free to share your story in the comments. Someone reading it may need to know they're not alone.

About The Grief Guardian

The Grief Guardian is about the realities of grief that often don't get talked about.

No pretending grief has a finish line.

No telling you how you should grieve.

Just honest conversations about loss, healing, relationships, identity, spirituality and learning how to live again after something changes your world forever.

If you're walking through grief, you're not alone.

Subscribe to The Grief Guardian for more honest conversations about grief and life after loss.

#TheGriefGuardian #ChildLoss #Grief #BereavedParents #GrievingParent #Stillborn #Stillbirth #GriefJourney #LossOfAChild #GriefAndLoss

Episode 68 | Working While Broken: What It's Really Like

What happens when you have to go back to work while your entire world has fallen apart?

In this episode of The Grief Guardian Podcast, I talk about what it was really like returning to work after losing my daughter, Mia.

I took around a month away before returning to my work as a martial arts instructor. On the outside, I had to be the instructor my students expected. I had to teach, motivate, focus and put their needs first.

Inside, I was falling apart.

We talk about the pressure to function when you're grieving, the mask we can wear at work, and the difference between functioning and actually healing.

I also share how returning to my own martial arts training before returning to teaching gave me somewhere I didn't have to hide my emotions. If I broke down, I broke down. It was a space where it could simply be about me.

We also look at what employers can do to support someone who is grieving. Grief doesn't follow a timetable. A person can be completely fine one moment and then be hit by a wave of grief the next. Sometimes they simply need permission to step away.

I'm incredibly grateful that I wasn't pressured to return to work and that I had people around me who continued checking in long after I returned.

Nearly four years later, my boss still reminds me to be easier on myself.

And perhaps the biggest lesson I've learned is this:

Everything that happened was out of your control, so you don't need to carry the guilt.

That's much easier to say than it is to believe.

If you're trying to work while grieving, please remember that you don't have to pretend you're okay. Be kind to yourself. Connect with people. Let others walk beside you.

The grief may not disappear, but the waves do change. The space between them gets bigger, and eventually those moments become easier to carry.

If this episode helps you, please consider subscribing to The Grief Guardian and sharing it with someone who may need to hear it.

#Grief #GrievingAtWork #GriefAndWork #ChildLoss #BereavedParents #GriefSupport #TheGriefGuardian #WorkingWhileGrieving

Have you ever thought you were finally getting better... only to be hit by another wave of grief?

One day you're coping. You're laughing again. Life feels like it's slowly finding a new rhythm.

Then, without warning, a song, a birthday, a memory, or sometimes nothing at all brings the grief rushing back.

If you've ever wondered, "Why am I back here?" this episode is for you.

In Episode 67 of The Grief Guardian Podcast, I share my own experience of navigating those unexpected grief waves after the loss of our daughter, Mia. I talk about why healing isn't a straight line, how grief runs on its own timeline, and why those moments don't mean you've gone backwards.

I also share the story of Mia's first birthday, the simple ritual Saroeun and I created to honour her, and the lesson I've learned about making peace with grief rather than trying to outrun it.

If you're grieving, I hope this episode reminds you that you're not failing. You're simply learning to live with a love that hasn't gone away.

💙 In this episode:
• Why grief isn't a linear journey.
• What unexpected grief waves really mean.
• The story of Mia's first birthday.
• Why grief returns when you least expect it.
• How to stop fearing the next wave and start making peace with it.

If this episode helped you, please consider liking, subscribing, and sharing it with someone who may need to hear these words today. You never know who might be quietly carrying a loss.

⬇️ Connect with The Grief Guardian

🌐 Website: https://thegriefguardian.com.au
📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thegriefguardian
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/grant_a_cosgrove/
🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/6gPpDTQxY2m9KxQwH2JqE5
☕ Buy Me a Coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/thegriefguardian

#Grief #ChildLoss #Bereavement #GriefSupport #HealingAfterLoss #Stillbirth #InfantLoss #MentalHealth #TheGriefGuardian #GriefJourney