Clare on court battles, a hostile ex, and what actually holds a blended family together.

She spent a year sleeping in her sister's garage. His ex refused to sign divorce papers for five years. And somewhere in the middle of all of that, they built a blended family of six that genuinely works.

Clare has four children between them, four different schools, two different counties, a difficult ex-husband. Her partner's ex refused to divorce him for five years and still hangs up the phone when she hears Clare's voice.

And yet. Clare has one of the most solid blended families I've spoken to.

This conversation covers a lot of ground. Two simultaneous toxic divorces. Court battles over who pays for school trips and whether Clare could take her children to Florida. The fear that dads carry about being too firm — and how that fear quietly undermines everyone in the house. The specific moment she and her husband realised they were shouting at each other just to be heard, and what they did about it.

It also covers the things that don't get said enough. That it's completely normal to feel positive about your ex's new partner and still find it hard that your children aren't with you. That you can love your stepchildren deeply and still need nine days without speaking to them because someone else controls that access. That blending a family doesn't get easier as the kids get older — the problems just change shape.

What comes through most clearly is this: Clare and her husband made it work not because things were easy, but because they kept communicating through the hard bits and refused to let outside noise — however relentless — set the terms for their family life.

If you're in a blended family where the ex is making things difficult, this one will stay with you.

WHAT YOU'LL HEAR IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why dads who are afraid of losing their kids often parent from fear — and what that costs the stepmum in the house
• What to do when your partner's ex is hostile and you can't control what the children are hearing from the other home
• How Clare and her husband got through the year they were shouting at each other just to be heard
• Why "I divorced him, they didn't" changed how Clare thought about her ex having access to their children
• The specific question Clare asks her children about her ex's new partner — and why she only needs one answer
• What it's like to go nine days without speaking to your stepchildren because the other parent controls all contact
• Why blended family life doesn't get easier as kids get older — and how to keep adjusting as they grow

THIS EPISODE IS FOR YOU:

• If you're a stepmum who feels like the ex has more control over your family life than you do
• If you and your partner keep arguing and you're not sure the relationship can hold all of this
• If your partner is a brilliant dad but struggles to hold the line because he's terrified of losing his kids
• If you do everything for your stepchildren and the other parent still refuses to acknowledge you exist
• If you're in the middle of a difficult divorce and trying to build something new at the same time
• If you've been told the problems get easier when the kids get older and you're starting to suspect that isn't true

TIMESTAMPS:

[00:00] Claire's situation — four kids, four schools, two counties
[08:00] A toxic divorce, the police, and a year in her sister's garage
[20:00] His ex refused to sign the divorce papers for five years
[35:00] Blending four children — sarcasm, autism, and house rules
[52:00] The hostile ex, the phone hang-ups, and not giving your power away

If this conversation resonated, share it with someone who's in the thick of it right now — a stepmum who needs to hear that it's possible to come out the other side. You can find everything at stepmumspace.com, and if the podcast helps, a review on Apple Podcasts makes a real difference to who finds it.

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Links mentioned in this episode:

Book your place on the Stepmum Reset — stepmumspace.com/stepmumreset

Find out more about Back In Control — stepmumspace.com/backincontrol

Book a free clarity call — stepmumspace.com/clarity

Get the free Influence Gap guide — stepmumspace.com/influencegap