A few months ago, a reader wrote into the Neighbor Hotline advice column with a question about why people don’t RSVP and how to deal with her hurt feelings about it.

That reader was Mara Gordon, MD , and on our Substack Live this week she outed herself, with more detail of her disappointment when she sent out a heartfelt invite to neighbors for a Hanukkah Party and only got heart emojis back, no firm yeses or nos.

Mara is interested in social connection professionally as a primary care doctor in Camden, New Jersey. But she also cares a lot about it as a mom with a demanding job and a desire for real community in her life. She writes Your Doctor Friend by Mara Gordon NPR’s Real Talk with a Doc column, and it turns out our first books come out on the exact same day, April 6, 2027! Hers is How to Take Up Space, about diet culture in medicine. (Smash that pre-order button, y’all!)

We started with RSVPs. The short version: the silence usually isn’t about you, and a one-on-one text (”it would be so great to catch up about your sister”) beats a group blast almost every time. Then we got to the bigger stuff. Mara sees loneliness in her exam room every day. Patients with nobody to drive them home from a colonoscopy. Parents who can’t get to the gym because there’s no one to watch the kids.

We talked about why I don’t tell people to go make new friends (a close friend takes about 200 hours), whether a 20-minute doctor’s appointment is the right place to prescribe connection, and why so often it’s the women doing the organizing. We also talked about choosing between the problems of isolation and the problems of being connected to other people, which in my house looks like a neighbor kid who some weeks eats dinner with us four nights out of seven.

And we ended on the real question: what do you feed a bunch of five-year-olds at a playground when you can’t look at another pizza? My answer: pesto pasta and a Costco rotisserie chicken, room temperature. Deep Casual forever!!! Connection is more important than perfection.

Watch the whole conversation, and I’d love to know in the comments, what are your thoughts on the impact of social connection on your health and wellbeing in your own life? ….AND… what Deep Casual dinner to you take the playground that’s not pizza?!

PS: Happy Pub Week to Gemma Hartley for her new book, No One Loves An Angry Woman: A Exvangelical Coming-of-Rage Story. This is a fierce, powerful book, part memoir part cultural examination of how christian patriarchy as shaped us all. If you’ve ever found yourself burning with anger or doing everything you can not to, this book is for you!

I have a great time talking with Kathleen Donahoe about the health realities that led her to be an expert don’t list creator, how she’s using her budget to drive her holiday Don’t List this year, and why letting go of traditions to make space for others is especially meaningful for her this year.

ALSO: If you are looking for a great gift (what is better than the gift of community and connection!?) for a loved one or yourself, you can support this small business by getting 20% a yearly membership! Come on and join the fun!

I had a blast talking to Virginia Sole-Smith about her “Friend Friday” tradition, and the insights she’s gathered from the Burnt Toast by Virginia Sole-Smith Community about making Deep Casual Hosting work!

I also snuck in a question about Virginia’s move to Patreon!

Feel free to check out Virginia’s work on deep casual hosting here.

Here’s my landing page of all Deep Casual Hosting content!

Also, only 2 more days to get a DEEP discount on a year long Double Shift Membership. $42 instead of $80. Get it quick!