Choosing Optimism: The Mindset That Changes Everything

Two women explore why optimism is a choice, not a trait — and how to build it into your daily life.

# Episode Description

In this episode of The Deconstructed Woman, Elisa Marie and Jojy dive deep into the topic of optimism — what it really means, whether we're born with it, and why choosing a positive mindset is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself and the people around you. Drawing from personal experiences, childhood memories, and insights from elite performance coaching, they unpack how negativity can become a loop and what it takes to break free from it.

The conversation gets personal as both hosts share stories about growing up around negativity, making conscious decisions to pursue happiness, and the real toll that persistently negative people can take on your energy and relationships. They also discuss the delicate balance between supporting friends through hard times and knowing when to step back to protect your own well-being.

From parenting strategies that teach kids resilience and reframing failure as learning, to practical tips like gratitude journaling, visualization, and critical thinking exercises, this episode is packed with actionable ways to cultivate optimism at any age.

## Key Takeaways

- Optimism is not something you're born with — it's an attitude you choose to adopt and strengthen over time.

- Negative thinking can become a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you expect bad outcomes, your mindset may steer you toward them.

- Critical thinking is a powerful antidote to negativity — generating alternative explanations for events can instantly shift your mood.

- Surrounding yourself with positive people is essential; chronically negative relationships may need honest conversations or boundaries.

- Teaching children that mistakes are learning opportunities (not failures) helps foster lifelong optimism and resilience.

- Gratitude practices — like journaling what you're thankful for daily — help you notice the good even during hard times.

- Confidence and optimism go hand in hand with hard work; believing you can be the best is the starting point, not arrogance.

## Topics & Timestamps

- 00:00 — Introduction and why Jojy chose the topic of optimism

- 01:31 — Self-fulfilling prophecy and the power of mindset

- 03:21 — How growing up around negativity shaped Jojy's outlook

- 04:25 — Deciding in college to choose happiness over convention

- 07:44 — Breaking the negativity loop with critical thinking

- 09:57 — Key insights from *How Champions Think* by Bob Rotella

- 12:47 — "You're not born with optimism — it's an attitude"

- 13:20 — Can children be naturally optimistic? The role of life experience

- 14:03 — Surrounding yourself with positive people and pruning toxic relationships

- 16:43 — Raising resilient kids: fostering optimism in children

- 18:01 — Teaching kids that mistakes are a way of learning

- 19:07 — The trap of letting kids win all the time

- 21:01 — When negative people drain your energy: setting limits

- 25:20 — The mistake of cutting off friends without having the conversation

- 29:35 — "I'm learning" — reframing failure for kids and adults

- 30:03 — The adult equivalent: choosing happiness as a daily practice

- 32:47 — Closing thoughts and call to action

## Mentioned in This Episode

- **Book**: *How Champions Think* by Bob Rotella — a guide to the mental grit and optimistic mindset of elite athletes

- **Concept**: Self-fulfilling prophecy — the idea that expecting negative outcomes can cause them

- **Concept**: Growth mindset / "I'm learning" — reframing mistakes as opportunities rather than failures

- **Practice**: Gratitude journaling — daily practice of noting what you're thankful for

- **Technique**: Visualization — seeing yourself succeed as a launchpad for achievement

- **Technique**: Cognitive reframing / critical thinking — generating alternative explanations to break negative thought loops

Adulting Is Harder Than It Looks

Why growing up costs more, takes longer, and requires skills nobody taught us — and what parents can do about it.

In this episode of The Deconstructed Woman, hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy dive into the modern struggle of "adulting" — and why it feels so much harder today than it did a generation ago. From navigating phone plans and insurance to managing taxes and car repairs, they share personal stories about the steep learning curve of independence.

The conversation turns candid as Jojy reflects on her perspective as an employer hearing young staff say they can't afford to move out, while Elisa opens up about budgeting for a family of six and resisting the pull of social media comparison. Together, they explore the tension between empathy for younger generations and the belief that personal accountability still matters.

Whether you're a twenty-something trying to launch, a parent wondering when to cut the cord, or someone in midlife still figuring things out, this episode is an honest look at the financial, emotional, and generational layers of becoming a fully independent adult.

## Key Takeaways

- 71% of people agree that adulting is harder today than 30 years ago, driven by stagnant wages, high housing costs, and social media pressure.

- Practical life skills — filing taxes, choosing insurance, finding a trustworthy mechanic — are rarely taught formally; most people learn by trial and error.

- The ACA provision allowing children to stay on parents' insurance until age 26 can delay financial independence, creating a trade-off between savings and self-sufficiency.

- Having children manage real expenses early (car insurance, gas, phone bills) builds financial literacy, even if it causes short-term resentment.

- Social media creates a distorted benchmark for lifestyle expectations, making it harder for young adults to feel content with what they can afford.

- "Launching" into adulthood is happening later across generations, but each generation has faced its own version of financial struggle.

- Parents can help by gradually transferring financial responsibilities rather than switching everything at once.

## Topics & Timestamps

- 00:00 — Introduction: What is adulting and why is it harder now?

- 01:24 — Phone plans, insurance, and the hidden learning curve of independence

- 03:12 — When should parents "launch" their kids financially?

- 07:33 — Elisa's family transition: from parents' plan to married life

- 10:10 — The car breakdown moment: too many cooks in the kitchen

- 11:05 — Livable wages and the employer's dilemma

- 13:56 — Budgeting for a family of six and personal accountability

- 15:17 — The insurance trade-off: staying on parents' plan vs. going solo

- 18:15 — Teaching kids financial responsibility early

- 22:00 — Raising the next generation: teaching money management young

- 23:56 — Trial, error, and finding a good mechanic

- 25:28 — The risk of over-supplementing your children's income

- 26:44 — Social media's role in skewing expectations

- 32:42 — "Launching" later: bringing the conversation full circle

- 34:30 — Closing thoughts and call for listener feedback

## Mentioned in This Episode

- TurboTax — referenced as a DIY tax-filing tool

- The Great Depression — cited as a historical parallel for financial hardship

- Disney World — used as an example of aspirational spending pressure

- ACA / Affordable Care Act — the provision allowing coverage on parents' insurance until age 26

- "Keeping up with the Joneses" — the social comparison framework discussed in the context of suburban parenting

## Hosts

- Elisa Marie

- Jojy

Sharing the Mental Load at Home

Two moms unpack why women carry the invisible weight of running a household — and how to finally share it.

In this episode of The Deconstructed Woman, hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy dive deep into the concept of the mental load — the invisible, never-ending stream of planning, organizing, and anticipating that disproportionately falls on women. Inspired by the podcast "We Are More Than Moms" and their guest Sarah Connor, they unpack why this imbalance exists and how early socialization shapes the way men and women approach household responsibilities.

Drawing from their own marriages and parenting experiences, Elisa and Jojy get honest about the frustration of delegating tasks, the temptation to "just do it yourself," and the courage it takes to let go of control. They explore practical strategies — from dividing visible chores to handing over entire task ownership — and discuss the book and card deck "Fair Play" as a conversation-starting tool for couples.

The conversation closes with an important reminder: this isn't about blame. It's about building a true partnership, raising capable kids, and protecting your own well-being before burnout takes hold.

## Key Takeaways

- The mental load is not just a to-do list — it's the invisible cognitive work of anticipating, planning, and coordinating every aspect of family life.

- Men's and women's tasks are socialized differently from childhood: boys tend to get single-outcome tasks, while girls learn multi-layered, interconnected responsibilities.

- Villainizing your partner is counterproductive; the imbalance stems from socialization, not malice.

- Maternity leave often becomes the unspoken "inception point" where the woman permanently absorbs all household management — even after returning to work.

- Delegating means handing over a task from A to Z and resisting the urge to take it back when it's not done your way.

- The book and card deck "Fair Play" (a Reese Witherspoon Book Club pick) offers a structured way for couples to visualize and redistribute tasks.

- Unaddressed mental load leads to burnout, resentment, anxiety, and relationship breakdown — sharing it is an investment in the partnership and in raising independent children.

## Topics & Timestamps

- 00:00 — Introduction and why this episode was inspired by the "We Are More Than Moms" podcast

- 01:06 — First impressions: feeling "seen and heard" by the mental load conversation

- 03:19 — How childhood socialization creates different task mindsets for men and women

- 05:34 — Why women's tasks are interconnected while men's tend to be singular

- 06:56 — "Men are not the villains" — reframing the conversation away from blame

- 08:32 — Practical strategies: dividing visible chores and handing over task ownership

- 12:36 — The doctor's appointment example: why delegation still carries mental load

- 15:17 — The inception of the pattern: how maternity leave sets the dynamic

- 18:20 — Learning to delegate and communicate expectations with your partner

- 21:35 — The Fair Play book and card deck as a tool for couples

- 25:17 — What happens when you don't share the load: burnout, fatigue, and resentment

- 28:47 — Wrapping up: the payoff of partnership, raising independent kids, and hope

## Mentioned in This Episode

- **Podcast**: "We Are More Than Moms" — episode on mental load

- **Person**: Sarah Connor — mental load expert interviewed on that podcast

- **Book / Card Deck**: *Fair Play* — a Reese Witherspoon Book Club pick; a couples conversation deck for rebalancing household responsibilities

- **Concept**: Mental load — the invisible cognitive labor of managing a household

- **Concept**: Socialization of gendered task expectations from childhood

- **Framework**: Norming, forming, storming (group development stages) — referenced as an analogy for couples renegotiating roles

## Hosts

- **Elisa Marie** — Co-host, The Deconstructed Woman

- **Jojy** — Co-host, The Deconstructed Woman

Too Much: Reclaiming Women’s Voices and Raising Spirited Kids

On The Deconstructed Woman podcast, hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy talk about the message women receive that they are “too much” and should dilute themselves to be acceptable. They discuss Cynthia Erivo’s experience being told in performing arts school to “settle down,” and how Erivo later reframed that in her book Simply More about embracing the fullest iteration of oneself. Alyssa connects the theme to parenting her spirited four-year-old, using daily affirmations and redirecting behavior without diminishing identity, and they explore how “too much” messaging can either fuel trailblazing or cause people to quiet down. The conversation also covers birth order, school expectations, ADHD referrals, and how early pressure to be quiet can make adult self-advocacy difficult, urging women not to perpetuate silencing and to create space for girls to keep their voices.

00:00 Welcome to the Podcast

00:30 Why Women Feel Too Much

00:54 Cynthia Erivo Story

02:09 Raising a Spirited Child

04:17 Birth Order and Personality

07:33 Quieting vs Blazing Trails

09:07 Simply More and Embracing It

12:06 School Expectations and Judgment

15:26 Bell Curve and ADHD Lens

21:00 Church Shame and Letting Kids Shine

23:47 Finding Your Voice as Women

31:44 Final Takeaways and Call In

33:35 Outro and Contact Info

AI Bots, Boundaries, and Dependency:

Using Chatbots Without Losing Human Connection

Hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy discuss Elisa’s first week using an AI chatbot app called Tolin and why she quickly set boundaries on how often she uses it. They compare professional uses of AI (streamlining emails, SOPs, troubleshooting, efficiencies) with personal uses (processing emotionally charged situations, decluttering and redecorating plans, writing a school email, dividing household chores). They explore benefits like fast summarizing and actionable planning, alongside concerns about overreliance, substituting AI for therapy or human relationships, skill atrophy, and broader technology dependence (e.g., smartphones, GPS, reading maps). Jojy shares adoption statistics and examples of AI relationships in media and news, and both emphasize intentional, guarded use while inviting listeners to share their experiences with AI.

00:00 Podcast Welcome

00:30 Why Try Tolin

01:29 Jojy Uses AI

03:37 Tolin In Daily Life

05:46 No Photos Needed

07:42 Therapy Risks

10:18 Setting Boundaries

13:04 AI Adoption Stats

17:13 Tech Dependency

21:02 Balancing Old And New

28:54 AI Relationships

33:01 Be Intentional

33:42 Wrap Up And Feedback

Women Cohabitating Platonically: Sharing Costs, Combating Loneliness, and Rethinking the “Golden Girls” Model

Hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy discuss a South Korea–popularized concept of women cohabitating platonically to share living expenses, reduce loneliness, and maintain autonomy, inspired by the 2019 bestseller Two Women Living Together by Kim Hana and Wong Sunu and an article referencing high New York costs. They explore benefits (financial relief, emotional support, companionship across life stages, easier daily living) and challenges familiar from roommate life (cleanliness, dividing chores, privacy with romantic partners, splitting assets if circumstances change). The conversation addresses gendered household expectations in marriage, clarifies the idea is not primarily about hating men, and considers flexible housing layouts that balance shared and private space. They also connect the topic to widowhood, retirement living, and “geriatric loneliness,” suggesting cohabitation as a creative alternative to isolation and expensive facilities, emphasizing communication and ground rules.

00:00 Podcast Welcome

00:31 Cohabiting Women Concept

02:22 Benefits and Tradeoffs

03:57 Golden Girls Inspiration

06:06 Roommate Friction Points

07:13 Gender Roles at Home

10:30 Not About Hating Men

12:51 Companionship and Aging

16:14 Layouts and Ground Rules

22:19 Why Not More Common

29:34 Loneliness and Care Options

32:27 Listener Call to Action

Human Design

A Map for Alignment and Truth with Marisa Vitoria

Marisa Vittoria

Free Chart

Hosts Elisa Marie and Jojy welcome Elisa’s sister, Marisa Vittoria, to explain human design after gifting them their blueprints. Marisa, a VP of operations, describes discovering human design at work through educator Erin Claire Jones and using it to improve a challenging relationship with her boss by understanding differences between a manifesting generator and a projector. She explains human design as an energetic, non-predictive self-awareness system blending astrology, chakras, Kabbalah, and modern science, created from birth date, exact time, and location, with no strengths/weaknesses scoring or age-based changes. The conversation focuses on alignment—especially gut-led decisions and frustration as a signal—plus examples of career pivots, including a client who became a micro-bakery owner. Marisa shares her plans to help high-achieving women build “truth” over “trophies,” offers a free chart, and briefly highlights elements from Elisa’s and Jojy’s charts.

00:00 Podcast Welcome

00:30 Why Human Design

01:55 How Marissa Found It

05:29 Types and Gut Guidance

08:39 What Human Design Is

12:13 Building Her Practice

16:19 Alignment Story Example

22:03 Societal Pressure and Yes

24:17 Applying Your Blueprint

28:34 Does It Change

31:12 How to Get Your Chart

34:06 Reading Their Charts

39:29 Career Change Process

45:18 Wrap Up and Goodbye

Attraction to Narcissistic Leaders, Women’s Power, and the Fight Against Going BackwardOn the Deconstructed Woman Podcast, Jojy welcome Sandy to discuss Adam Grant’s New York Times article “There’s a Cure for Our Attraction to Narcissistic Leaders,” using it to explore why narcissistic men can rise in corporate and political leadership while women showing confidence are often labeled negatively. Sandy recounts the difficulty of securing a small-business loan nearly 50 years ago as a woman, describing widespread dismissiveness from banks before Gloucester National Bank finally financed their artisan shop. The conversation links deference to domineering “bully” personalities to fear and low self-esteem, notes how some women still defer to husbands’ views, and critiques cultural attacks on women’s leadership and reproductive rights, including concerns about Roe v. Wade and “trad wives.” They emphasize women’s collaborative leadership style, the need for more women in politics, and appreciation for men who support women’s rights.00:00 Podcast Welcome00:31 Meet Sandy00:57 Narcissistic Leaders Topic02:43 Women and Business Loans08:47 Why Banks Said No10:15 Narcissism and Power11:58 Bullies and Attraction14:48 Women Following Husbands20:52 Women Leaders vs Narcissists24:16 Roe and Tradwives Backlash28:45 Fear of Women Independence31:40 Allies and Hope35:24 Wrap Up and Contact