Following on from our first conversation, Jen and I explore how culture skews us towards pathologically trying to fix ourselves, and the sighs of relief that come when we put down the glaring searchlights; coming into and tending to our inner houses with care and gentleness even amidst collapse, dismantling, mess, renovation, reconstruction, and expansion; the importance of “trusting the alchemy of your own house” such that it becomes a safe and unconditionally loving place to be; and the usefulness of understanding the dark night as a non-linear process of alchemical transformation.

In addition, we talk about Jen’s experience of chronic pain, and how being in a broken body – her spine held together with hardware – is a spiritual threshold, a portal into her inner world; how the forced descent into broken-bodiedness has been an initiation into a different kind of presence; and how the realities of physical pain and disabilities are often overlooked (or worse) in spiritual teachings and communities. We also touch into destruction in the service of creation; the “particular signature scent of healing and unfolding” that every human being has; and the pain, awe, and wonder of being in the space of “even this.”

Jen Peer Rich, PhD is an author, artist, and alchemist whose work explores healing, multiplicity, and the spiritual architecture of selves. Her debut memoir, The Alchemy of Being a House: A Memoir About The Body That Broke, The Voice That Barked, and The Home That Became Us, is the first in a series of intimate, genre-defying books tracing the nonlinear path of trauma integration and homecoming. With a background in ecological philosophy and decades of lived experience as a disabled, queer caregiver, Jen brings a rare blend of insight, humor, and radical compassion to her storytelling.

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Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

Mentions

We refer to the seven stages of spiritual alchemy, which are: calcination (burning), dissolution, separation, conjunction, fermentation, distillation, and coagulation.

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You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit

Jen’s dark night began in 2011, when she found herself “smack dab in the face of true love with a huge bag of unresolved trauma.” A lifetime of internal suffering culminated in collapse; for months, she lay among the trees in her backyard, and started to tend to the wounding that had begun when she was treated for cancer as a baby, and kept snowballing throughout her traumatic childhood. In the fourteen years since, her quest to understand what happened that summer has taken her into both academia (in the form of a PhD) and profound creativity as a writer and artist.

Amongst many other things, we talk about the single self assumption that is baked into our world view when the reality is a multiplicity of teeming selves; and how she came to recognise the true nature of the protective part that was borne out of her intense pain as an infant. We also discuss coming into relationship with our parts entirely on their own terms and how things change when we stop pathologising them; and the intelligence of the healing process and how we began to follow it even when it took us to weird places.

Jen Peer Rich, PhD is an author, artist, and alchemist whose work explores healing, multiplicity, and the spiritual architecture of selves. Her debut memoir, The Alchemy of Being a House: A Memoir About The Body That Broke, The Voice That Barked, and The Home That Became Us, is the first in a series of intimate, genre-defying books tracing the nonlinear path of trauma integration and homecoming. With a background in ecological philosophy and decades of lived experience as a disabled, queer caregiver, Jen brings a rare blend of insight, humor, and radical compassion to her storytelling.

Connect with Jen

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

Mentions

Jen mentions Your Symphony of Selves: Discover and Understand More of Who We Are by James Fadiman, PhD and Jason Gruber, JD.

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share.

You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email: darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit

After fifteen years of disciplined meditation and spiritual seeking, Paul hit a brick wall. He got ME/CFS, lost his job, his ideas about spirituality crumbled, and he lost interest in all the teachings he had tried so assiduously to follow. With no role in life, and no sense of direction, he felt like he was falling into a bottomless pit. Occasionally, a deeper sense of peace came out of nowhere, but he doubted himself, calling himself crazy. Eventually, after several years, he found himself ready to have a role in the world again.

Amongst other things, Paul and I talk about the impossibility of “achieving” surrender; putting on a brave face and trying not to feel our feelings; the myth of enlightenment; and how therapeutic and spiritual interventions frequently feel like coercion or violation during the dark night. We also discuss drinking the "meditation Kool-Aid", and the blind alley of trying to be a detached witness to our experience. We run with Paul’s metaphor of Sisyphus endlessly rolling the boulder up the hill; we ponder what we’d say to our younger selves; we wonder at how the dark night stretched our capacity to be with ourselves; and we mull over the paradox of being grateful for having suffered.

Paul Currie worked as an actor as a young adult, before eventually becoming disillusioned and unfulfilled by performance and deciding to embark on a spiritual search. In his mid thirties he experienced a dark night of the soul process during which everything seemed to fall apart, especially all of his notions of becoming a spiritual person or an enlightened person. Following this experience he trained as a counsellor and psychotherapist and now dedicates his time to being with people experiencing challenging and difficult states.

Connect with Paul

Fiona Robertson is the author of The Dark Night of the Soul: A Journey from Absence to Presence, and Eve Was a Realist: Poems for the Untamed Heart. She works one to one with people who are going through a dark night or spiritual emergency, accompanying them in this challenging terrain as they rediscover and deepen into their real selves. She also offers a monthly dark night gathering group, and occasional workshops and a reflective space for therapists and counsellors.

Connect with Fiona

If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and share.

You’re welcome to contact The Dark Night of the Soul Unwrapped via email. darknightunwrapped@gmail.com

Music by James Waring / Design by Adam McKillop / Artwork by Stefan Armoneit