What does it look like to build a peaceful life when you’re still living with the effects of what happened to you?

In this chapter, I’m talking about the life I’m trying to build while I’m still working through trauma responses and CPTSD. I share how that shows up in motherhood, marriage, our blended family, and the kind of home and community I want to create.

I’m learning that I can want a full, beautiful life without pretending I’m completely healed. What happened to me is part of my story, but I don’t want it making every decision about what comes next.

There’s always a chapter after.

Have you ever looked back at an old version of yourself and thought, I miss her?

In Chapter Eight of The Chapter After, I’m talking about the version of myself I sometimes wish I could get back—not because I want my old life back, but because I miss the woman I was before I knew what was coming.

The woman who had already survived so much, rebuilt her life, found love again, and finally felt safe enough to be soft. She trusted happiness. She felt like she belonged. She wasn't constantly waiting for something to change.

And sometimes, I really fucking miss her.

But maybe healing was never supposed to bring me back to who I used to be.

In this episode, we talk about grieving old versions of ourselves, the strange grief that comes with learning hard lessons, finding softness after survival mode, and how motherhood has changed the woman I am today.

I also talk about experiencing motherhood from two very different places—becoming a mother while surviving an abusive relationship, and later getting another chance to experience the little years from a place where I can actually slow down and enjoy them.

Maybe we don't need the old versions of ourselves back.

Maybe we can take their softness, hope, strength, and ability to love with us—while leaving behind the pieces we've outgrown.

Maybe healing isn't about becoming who you were before. Maybe it's giving yourself permission to become someone you've never been before.

There is always a chapter after. 🤍