Fifty years of Marlena, and not one baby named after her. But Salem has found room for yet another John, Roman, Alice or Caroline.

Jenn and Rachael put Days of Our Lives’ baby-name choices on trial: from Claire’s wildly ill-fitting name to the family tributes that get recycled so often they start losing their meaning. Why does one kid get the whole family tree while another gets a name plucked from thin air? And how did Evan end up with Orpheus’ son instead of a Brady-Black baby?

The hosts get into the names that could have honoured Marlena, Hope, Kayla and other Salem women, the strange logic behind who gets remembered, and the story the show never gave us: John and Marlena’s 1986 baby. Turns out the biggest naming mystery might be why the writers keep missing the obvious.

(NB: This was recorded right before the whole Dominic Marino storyline hit!)

One balcony dance, one tragic death scene, and suddenly Isabella Toscano is the great love of John Black’s life? Salem, the timeline would like a word.

Rachael and Jenn revisit Izzy B’s brief, complicated run: Victor’s daughter, John’s wife, Brady’s mum, and a woman the show may have been steering toward a much messier future before Staci’s exit turned her into a martyr.

They trace the rushed romance, Isabella’s death in John’s arms, and the frankly wild grief timeline: within days, he’s at Marlena’s door; months later, he’s having an affair.

Then there’s the Aremid letter, where John names Marlena as the love of his life, and the 2001 Brady retcon that tried to make Marlena jealous of Isabella. Isabella mattered. But the “great love of John’s life” case? The receipts say otherwise.

“The Gays of Our Lives” is the kind of phrase bigots throw out when they think Days of Our Lives has suddenly gone too queer — which is funny, considering how long it took the show to get there in the first place.

Rachael and Jenn get into why Sonny mattered as the first openly gay legacy character, why Will’s coming-out story still works, and how characters like Paul, Andrew, Leo, Craig, Chanel, and Allie show both the progress Days made and the fear it never quite shook.

They talk later-in-life coming out, straight-coded queer men, women-loving-women stories that deserved better, and the difference between representation that feels honest and representation that feels like network compromise.

Funny, personal, and occasionally furious, this episode is about being seen on screen — and knowing exactly when a show almost got it right.