After five weeks of the college football season, we find ourselves firmly unified around one question: What in the name of Mike Gundy is going on?

Thus, friends, we begin the Mystery Grab Bag edition of the Carla and Crappy Show. Welcome to the chaos.

AJ is back and joins Carla and Crappy live as we recap last week and discuss the latest breaking news, including the aforementioned Gundy.

• How did it all go wrong at Oklahoma State?

• Is Dabo safe at Clemson?

• How will John Mateer’s absence impact Oklahoma? (We weep over Red River.)

• Is Indiana that good again? And can Illinois recover?

Also, AJ has feelings about Hawaii football again … and Vandy put a 70-spot on Georgia State. (Oh, hey. Vandy goes to Alabama next week. You might want to go ahead and just put that on your calendar now.)

Then … this week’s #GroupOfDarkAfterFive report, which is actually very light on the darkness. (Yes, that’s wrong. We’re well aware. But … you get to go to bed early this week, so win!) AJ walks us through these games that you definitely shouldn’t sleep on:

• Georgia Southern at James Madison (1:30 ET, ESPN+)

• Arkansas State at Louisiana Monroe (3 ET, ESPN+)

• Cal at Boston College (3:30 ET, ACCN)

• Rice at Navy (3:30 ET, CBSSN)

• Hawaii at Air Force (4:10 ET, FS1)

• App State at Boise State (7:30 ET, FS1)

• No. 25 BYU at Colorado (10:15 ET, ESPN)

And then … we get back to asking big questions.

No. 24 TCU at Arizona State (9 ET Friday, FOX): Let’s see if the Big 12 buffet is fully open for business this year. We have no consensus on this one.

No. 21 USC at No. 23 Illinois (Big Nude, FOX): Bert Ball fell very, very flat last week. USC looks like it might actually be re-entering the national conversation.

No. 22 Notre Dame at Arkansas (Noon ET, ABC): Like, what even is this game? Crappy’s so disillusioned, he starts rambling about food.

No. 1 Ohio State at Washington (3:30 ET, CBS): The Huskies have an offense, but can they stop the Bucks? We’re not so sure about that.

No. 4 LSU at No. 13 Ole Miss (3:30 ET, ABC): We’re all pretty mad that this game isn’t at night. But we may get to see various shades of Brian Kelly anyway.

Auburn at No. 9 Texas A&M (3:30 ET, ESPN): This should be an Aggie win, but this episode is called the Mystery Grab Bag edition for a reason.

Arizona at No. 14 Iowa State (7 ET, ESPN): Arizona’s playing some legit defense. Iowa State is … fine. Again, Grab Bag … you get the idea.

No. 17 Alabama at No. 5 Georgia (7:30 ET, ABC): What even is Alabama? We have no idea. Georgia at home? Sure.

No. 6 Oregon at No. 3 Penn State (7:30 ET, NBC): It’s whiteout time in Happy Valley. Carla is very relieved by this fact. Because this has the potential of being a very uncomfortable Saturday night.

Our honorable mentions go to Bowling Green at Ohio (Noon ET, CBSSN), Utah State at No. 18 Vanderbilt (12:45 ET, SECN), No. 11 Indiana at Iowa (3:30 ET, Peacock), Tulane at Tulsa (4 ET, ESPNU), New Mexico St. at New Mexico (4 ET, TheMW.com), No. 15 Tennessee at Mississippi State (4:15 ET, SECN), and MTSU at Kennesaw State (6 ET, ESPN+).

Will we get some of our questions answered this week? Will the college football landscape look different after this weekend? Will we quit this podcast so that we can become full-time food bloggers? You’ll have to come back next week to find out. Enjoy the games, friends. Cheers!

Last week, we all needed channel guides, streaming passwords, multiple devices, and apps for a weekend of college football watching. This week? Just grab a dictionary.

Welcome to Week 4, friends, where Carla and Crappy have decided it’s time to start defining some key terms.

College Kickers: The most unpredictable aspect of college football. Just ask Tennessee and Notre Dame.

Cool Under Fire: The Georgia Tech offense and special teams unit, executing a game-winning field goal to perfection. See also: college kickers.

Arkansas: A state currently with two of the more annoying teams in the sport.

Nerds: Georgia Tech and Vanderbilt are both ranked in the Top 25. In football. No, this isn’t an autocorrect error. (Editor’s note: We’re all thrilled about this.)

Mistake-Prone: Florida. Again.

Rivalry: The Backyard Brawl, in its purest form. RichRod actually got emotional after the win. And, as AJ notes, we get two more classic rivalries this week.

The Stanford Postulate: When Tree wins a game that it’s not supposed to. See: Saturday’s win over Boston College.

Transparency: What the ACC is doing with their video reviews and it’s fantastic.

Got all that? Also, in our effort to live up to the ACC’s standard of transparency, Clemson’s walk-off loss does not meet the definition of Clemsoning. Sorry to disappoint you.

What won’t disappoint you is this week’s #GroupOfFiveAfterDark report. While AJ wasn’t able to join the show live, he does offer a buffet of options, including two long-time traditional rivalry games, a big game in Oxford, and a late-night slate that may necessitate additional caffeination. (Sorry about that. But it’s a fantastic slate.)

After that, Carla and Crappy dig into some games that should offer us some more early-season defining moments.

Iowa at Rutgers (8 ET Friday, FOX): If you want to meet the definition of a true B1G football fan, you’ll have your eyes on this one Friday night. It’s gonna be a rock fight.

No. 17 Texas Tech at No. 16 Utah (Big Nude, FOX): Which of these teams will meet the definition of Big 12 contender? We should find out more in this game. And it should be a good one. Put your eyes here at kickoff. But not a moment before.

No. 22 Auburn at No. 11 Oklahoma (3:30 ET, ABC): We’ve known for a while that the definition of John Mateer is big-time offense. Is Auburn up to the task?

No. 21 Michigan at Nebraska (3:30 ET, CBS): Matt Rhule needs a defining win. Nebraska, we offer you Michigan. Can the Huskers finally take that next step?

South Carolina at No. 23 Missouri (7 ET, ESPN): Lots of questions here. Will LaNorris Sellers be able to go? Can Beau Pribula and the Mizzou run game get things going?

No. 9 Illinois at No. 19 Indiana (7:30 ET, NBC): We’re already very familiar with the definition of Annoying Bert. But are the Hoosiers as good as they were last year?

Our honorable mentions this week go to:

• Berry at Carnegie Mellon (Noon ET, athletics.cmu.edu): The Tartans look to bounce back at home.

• Dayton at Robert Morris (2 ET, ESPN+): An old-school rivalry renewed.

• Gardner-Webb at Ohio (3:30 ET, ESPN+): Are the Bobcats making a run to playoff contention?

• Marshall at MTSU (7 ET, ESPN+): It’s homecoming for the Blue Raiders. Jake Rose is on the TV call. (Also: Go, Regan!)

• Georgia State at No. 20 Vanderbilt (7:30 ET, ESPNU): Can the Dores get revenge for last year’s inexplicable loss?

And finally, one last definition for you:

4-year-old: Our “Yay feetball!” #CnCShow outro star. Happy birthday, Ellie!

Enjoy the festivities this weekend, friends. We’ll be back for more next week. Cheers!

It’s Week 3 of the college football season, which means it’s time to start answering some important questions. Is USF for real, like really? Can Florida recover? Is Notre Dame a national contender? What about LSU?

But the most important question for this week might actually be this: That game’s on what channel?

Yes, friends, this week brings us more restored rivalries, obscure broadcast locations, and scheduling drama. (Oh my.)

The gang’s all here (even if one of us is in Texas) to recap what was a delightful Week 2, unless you’re Florida, that is. We recap the week that was … and then AJ brings us up to speed on the #GroupOfFiveAfterDark, which brings us several intriguing (at least to some!) matchups: No. 13 Oklahoma at Temple (Noon ET, ESPN2), Minnesota at Cal (10:30 ET, ESPN), and Boston College at Stanford (10:30 ET, ACCN). Also, find a way to put App State at Southern Miss (7 ET, ESPN+) in a quad box somehow, because that’s going to be fun.

And then, get ready for some additional deep dives in your channel guide for these ones, friends.

No. 12 Clemson at Georgia Tech (Noon ET, ESPN): We’ve had our eyes set on this game for a couple of weeks now. Can the Wreck wreck Clemson’s conference title hopes? And if they do, would it be considered Clemsoning?

Wisconsin at No. 19 Alabama (Noon ET, ABC): Bama’s the pick here, but will the losing coach find the temperature on his hot seat turned up a notch?

No. 6 Georgia at No. 15 Tennessee (3:30 ET, ABC): This game is being played too early. We know nothing (really) about either of these two teams. Our opinions are divided.

Pitt at West Virginia (3:30 ET, ESPN): Other than the fact that this game is not at night, we’re delighted that this storied rivalry is on the schedule again. Get your eyes on this game. And yeah, hide your couch.

No. 18 South Florida at No. 5 Miami (4:30 ET, CW): It’s early-season Cinderella versus legit national contender on … the CW? Yeppers. Can the magic continue for the Bulls? (Spoiler: At least one of us thinks so!)

Florida at No. 3 LSU (7:30 ET, ABC): We’re not sure how Florida recovers from last week’s embarrassment. What we do know is that Death Valley at night is a tough environment, but the Tigers may not be quite as good as some may think.

No. 16 Texas A&M at No. 8 Notre Dame (7:30 ET, NBC): This should be a dandy. The Irish need this win for schedule purposes, but the Aggies should be a formidable foe.

Vanderbilt at No. 11 South Carolina (7:45 ET, SECN): Can Diego and the Dores strike again? (Editor’s Note: That’s a great band name.) Perhaps? But they’re looking at near mirror images of themselves on the opposing sideline.

We give lots of honorable mention nods this week (including a game that we totally missed):

• Villanova at No. 2 Penn State (3:30 ET, FS1)

• Oregon State at No. 21 Texas Tech (3:30 ET, FOX)

• MTSU at Nevada (5 ET, TheMW.com)

• Arkansas at No. 17 Ole Miss (7 ET, ESPN)

• Ohio at No. 1 Ohio State (7 ET, Peacock)

• No. 20 Utah at Wyoming (8 ET, CBSSN)

And Crappy gives a shoutout to our DIII friends in Pittsburgh: No. 9 Wisconsin-LaCrosse at No. 17 Carnegie Mellon (Noon ET), which you can actually watch live at CentennialConference.tv.

So, yeah, become familiar with your channel guide and maybe your laptop and mobile device (if you’re a Hawaii fan like AJ) and get ready for another great weekend of college football. We’ll see you back here next week. Cheers, yinz.