What happens when someone you love begins to forget—but the possibility for connection is still there?
In this deeply moving episode of The Art of Ageing Well, Ara and Sara sit down with author, speaker and former caregiver Glenna Hecht, author of How Old Are You Today? Dementia, A Mother, A Daughter, and The Game That Transformed Their Lives.
Glenna shares the very personal story of caring for her mother through nine years of dementia—a journey that began with fear, frustration and an instinct to correct and reason, and ultimately became an unexpected opportunity to reconnect with her mother in an entirely new way.
Early in her caregiving journey, Glenna searched for answers about how to communicate with her mother as dementia progressed. What she discovered was that facts and reasoning weren't necessarily what her mother needed. Glenna began shifting her attention away from what was being lost and toward what was still there: dignity, emotion, humour, love, and the ability to connect.
Then came an accidental question: "How old are you today?"
That simple question became a game—and eventually a doorway into her mother's world. Instead of correcting her mother's reality, Glenna learned to become curious about it. The game allowed her mother to revisit different periods of her life and share memories and stories Glenna had never heard before. Glenna describes the experience as one that ultimately gave her connection, clarity and the opportunity to truly know her mother.
Ara, Sara, and Glenna talk candidly about the mistakes caregivers make when they're desperately trying to help, the exhaustion and grief that accompany dementia, and the profound shift that can happen when we stop trying to bring someone back to our reality and learn instead to meet them in theirs.
They also explore what caregiving taught Glenna about patience, presence, leadership, listening, and showing up—lessons that extend far beyond dementia.
One of the most powerful parts of Glenna's story is that connection continued even when her mother eventually lost the ability to speak. Their game evolved into hand squeezes—one for yes and two for no—allowing mother and daughter to continue communicating almost until the end of her life.
And through it all came five remarkably simple lessons Glenna's mother shared near the end of her life: learn, laugh, live, say I love you, and be grateful.
This is an episode about dementia, but it is also about something much bigger: how we remain connected to the people we love as life changes them—and how sometimes the person we are caring for has just as much to teach us as we have to give them.
In this episode, we explore: Glenna's transition from daughter to caregiver; the early mistakes she made trying to reason with dementia; why correcting someone's reality can create frustration rather than connection; how the How Old Are You Today? game began; what her mother's changing ages revealed about her past; communicating when words are no longer available; caregiver grief, guilt and exhaustion; the importance of dignity and curiosity; what caregiving taught Glenna about leadership and showing up; and the five lessons from her mother that Glenna continues to live by today.
How Old Are You Today? is ultimately a dementia love story—one that asks us to reconsider what remains possible when memory begins to disappear. The book itself describes the game as a way of finding peace, joy and connection even as reality shifts.
Because even when memory fades, connection doesn't necessarily have to.
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