Like every great adventure, B5: Horror on the Hill starts with an old man, a boat, and the specter of crippling financial ruin. In part one, Russell and Jeramy set sail from the oddly named and poorly developed Fort Guido for a wilderness jaunt featuring killer bees, flesh eating birds, and some suspiciously generous old ladies. Along the way they try to figure out whether the hill is actually a hill at all and marvel at the possible birth of the goodberry. All the while, more and more evidence piles up that the real issue with the hill isn’t the horrors on top of it… but whatever is making all that heat and steam bubble up from below.

With the rift in the rear view, Russell and Jeramy trade their explorers’ hats for gladiator helmets in the final part of G2: The Glacial Rift of the Frost Giant Jarl. Grugnur’s hall might look like a page right out of Architectural Digest with its cold color theming and meticulously styled trophy rooms, but behind the design panache lies a frozen murder factory unlike anything the vaunted G series has offered before. The guys tangle with a seemingly never-ending supply of giants (and boulders) enroute to face the lord and lady of the house who are locked, loaded, and ready to defend their secrets… or escape via emergency fast food playground slide, whatever works.

The frozen fun continues in part 2 as Russell and Jeramy dive deeper into the titular Glacial Rift of the Frost Giant Jarl and they aren’t the only ones! A bevy of ogres and giants chill out while hoping to hang with the Jarl provide a rainbow coalition of bad guys as the boys push ever closer to the icy lair of the Jarl himself. But it turns out humanoids are the least of their worries, as death comes in many forms: heat hungry mold, icy puddings, an overgrown death centipede, and what very well may be the very first official dragon sighting in Dungeons & Dragons. That’s assuming the party sees the dragons before they’re lunch.

Zip up your parka and strap on your snowshoes because the giants are back and this time… they’re frozen. Russell and Jeramy continue the legendary G series with G2: Glacial Rift of the Frost Giant Jarl! Gary Gygax’s 1978 frozen fortress crawl has everything you’d expect from a deadly winter wonderland: frost giants, yetis, winter wolves, and enough icy environmental hazards to make summitting Everest naked seem relaxing. Along the way, they discover that every problem in the frozen north can be solved with a really big rock and, sometimes, the actual treasure really is the friends you made along the way… mostly because the wizard just accidentally destroyed the real treasure with a fireball.

It’s a rare part 4 finale of B4: The Lost City, and the reason is clear. You see, the pyramid is just the beginning as Russell and Jeramy officially enter Cynidicea, a whole city filled with freaks and a weirdly large number of people pretending to be freaks. Not only is there an entire city to explore, but a whole damn mega-dungeon that leads right into the jaws of Zargon, a basically unkillable eldritch horror who is far from too zooted to TPK you AND all your friends. And here you thought this was a beginner module.

If you ever think your job is lame, just be thankful that you don’t have to be buried with all your coworkers like the poor subjects of King Alexander. Also… why are there so many animal people in B4: The Lost City? Russell and Jeramy investigate in part three! While we’re asking questions, here’s another one: how the hell are we supposed to get all of this loot out of here? It’s almost like the author of this module wants to keep your players here forever…

The mystery of what exactly happened to Cynidicea is officially solved in part two of B4: The Lost City, and we have good news! The eldritch horror-turn-cult figure responsible for the downfall of this particular civilization is just Zargon, the coolest dude ever, who’s vibin’ on a higher frequency and providing top quality za to his couchlocked disciples. Then the boys meet the other two factions opposing the high lord: the magically limited magi of Usamigaras and the warrior maidens of Madarua, who are just waiting to lay the smack down on your candy ass.

Tom Moldvay’s 1982 sun-bleached fever dream of a dungeon starts with Russell and Jeramy lost in the desert and ends… well… maybe never! In part one of B4: The Lost City, the boys discuss the merits of survival in D&D while trying desperately to avoid eye contact with a bevy of masked weirdos trying to build them coffins and offer them sips from the honey pot. Finally, they meet the first of the old god worshipping factions who have just one question to ask: Double-double or eternal darkness, eh?