When a relationship changes, most of us assume something went wrong. We used to have fun, and now we're arguing about dishes, money, or whose family gets the holidays. Sometimes that points to a real problem. More often, it means the relationship is developing.

In this solo episode, Laurie Groh, MS, LPC, SAS, walks through the seven stages long-term relationships move through: passion and infatuation, discovery and disillusionment, commitment and choice, power struggles and boundaries, stability and teamwork, deepening intimacy, and crisis and repair. You'll hear why the fight you keep having is rarely about the topic, the three questions that usually sit underneath it (Do I matter to you? Can I depend on you? Do you respect me?), and what repair actually looks like between two imperfect people.

Try this with your partner. Separately, answer four questions, then compare:

1. Which stage do you think we're in?
2. What feels hardest about this stage?
3. What do I need more of from you?
4. What am I willing to offer?

Read the full write-up:

• 7 Stages blog post: https://go.shoresidetherapies.com/wtc7stages
• Podcast website: https://go.shoresidetherapies.com/wtcpodcast
• Shoreside website: https://go.shoresidetherapies.com/wtcpod

If you and your partner keep having the same conflict, or feel disconnected and aren't sure how to move forward, the couples therapists at Shoreside Therapies can help — in person in Milwaukee, Glendale, and Whitefish Bay, and online across Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, Minnesota, and Colorado. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation at shoresidetherapies.com. Our intake coordinator Caitie will help you find the right fit, even if that's not us.

Without the Couch is hosted by Laurie Groh, owner of Shoreside Therapies. This podcast is for education only and is not therapy.

Timestamps (raw — re-verify against the final cut):

00:00 Why a changing relationship isn't a failing one

01:45 Stage 1: Passion and infatuation

06:20 Stage 2: Discovery and disillusionment

09:40 Stage 3: Commitment and choice

12:00 Stage 4: Power struggles and boundaries

14:10 The dishes fight: Do I matter? Can I depend on you? Do you respect me?

19:20 Stage 5: Stability and teamwork

21:20 Stage 6: Deepening connection and intimacy

24:20 Stage 7: Crisis and repair

27:00 A quick repair: the dinner-date story

30:25 The stages aren't a ladder

33:00 Exercise: four questions to ask each other

34:00 When couples therapy helps

Tags: relationships, couples therapy, marriage, conflict, communication, intimacy, repair, Milwaukee couples therapist.