How do you tell a partner you're bi — whether you're two weeks into dating or twenty years into a marriage? Sam and Grayson split it into two conversations: "I'm bi," and, if applicable, "I want to act on it." Both revisit their own disclosures — Sam reads the email he sent his future wife two weeks into dating, and Grayson recaps telling his wife after years of getting close.

The practical core: whether there's a benefit to telling at all, and how a partner might take it — their views on LGBT people, a religious or conservative background, the "close to home" shift, biphobia rooted in HIV/AIDS-era fear, and the "why now / were you deceptive?" question. Then preparing, timing, and framing. Word of the Week is DADT; the mini-topic is bringing up fantasies.

Disclaimer: The hosts aren't medical or mental-health professionals. Nothing here is advice — speak with a qualified provider about your own health and relationships.

Terms

• DADT (don't ask, don't tell) — an agreement not to disclose details of other relationships; often one partner has "permission" to explore while the other stays monogamous
• The two conversations — "I'm bi" (identity) and "I want to act on it" (acting on it); distinct, and the second doesn't automatically follow the first
• Kinsey scale — a 0–6 orientation scale; in his email Sam calls himself a 2 (predominantly heterosexual, more than incidentally homosexual)
• Dead bedroom — a relationship in which sexual activity has largely stopped
• Fluidity — orientation and tastes can shift over time

Links & resources

• Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi? by Joe Kort and Alexander P. Morgan — on Amazon and Audible
• DADT explainers: Paige Bond and Non-Monogamy Help
• Fantasy/kink quizzes to take together: BDSMTest.org and Carnal Calibration

Next episode: Finding a Guy — apps and how to actually approach exploring bi desires in real life.

Connect with us: Email podcast@bimenunfiltered.com with questions, topics, or your own story (write "OK for air" to have it read on the show; same address to be a guest). Find us at @BiMenUnfiltered on Facebook, Instagram, Threads, and X, and at BiMenUnfiltered.com on Bluesky.