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Dave Cruise is back, and unfortunately, no one brought adult supervision. Taylor attempts to explain why airplanes cannot fly left, argues that ketchup is technically a smoothie, and reveals that she has somehow visited New York countless times without ever taking the subway. Along the way, Taylor and Dave investigate shirtless men, dad bods, whether the human brain eventually runs out of storage, the cultural decline of radio, Dune’s excessive sand, Taylor’s newly infamous eyes, and the devastating realization that neither of them was considered cool enough to join the workplace cult. This episode contains alcohol, geography misinformation, several unnecessary left turns, and absolutely no intention of returning to corporate America.

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Taylor is alone in the studio, which means no one can stop the spiral. She investigates the questions currently plaguing her, including whether a living room keeps its name after someone dies in it, where airplane babies are from, and whether Lightning McQueen needs car or life insurance. She also covers a tire crisis, illegal August pumpkin spice, eyebrow-dye failure, stolen DSW points, and her husband’s offensive rejection of homemade tuna salad. Plus, Taylor remembers Hayden Panettiere and reflects on postpartum mental health, online cruelty, and why women deserve more compassion.

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Taylor sits down with viral Philadelphia-area creator and musician Delco Donny, aka Jake Dillon, to trace the completely accidental creation of the internet’s favorite Wawa-adjacent character. It began on a first date at Bar Avalon, where an impression of his girlfriend’s deeply Delco mother made her laugh. A few songs performed in the accent later, Wawa was commenting, hundreds of people were showing up for parking-lot concerts and Delco Donny had officially escaped containment.

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Taylor is stimulating the economy the only way she knows how: by opening packages and asking questions no qualified professional should allow her to answer. In this short and deeply necessary episode, she investigates the disappearance of Sylvan Learning Centers, questions whether mattress stores are legitimate businesses, considers writing off a potential vandalism ticket as a marketing expense, and asks whether people with shellfish allergies can safely enter the ocean. Then, it’s time for a full PR unboxing featuring a custom LeBron James phone case, enough OctoBuddies to cover every available surface, and a handmade floral pipe named Purple Haze. It’s shopping, financial illiteracy, and notes-app nonsense. In other words, a normal Tuesday.

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🏀 https://www.etsy.com/shop/CAGMONI?ref=condensed_trust_header_icon_sold#about

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Ting, ting, ting! Britani Bateman is here, and this episode has the highest body count hair in podcast history. Ahead of her return to 54 Below with What About Me?, Britani joins Taylor to talk about the career she built long before The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, from Disney and international screens to musical theater, cabaret, and her next pop chapter. She opens up about turning her Housewives journey into original music, learning to choose herself, surviving friendship breakups, raising daughters, and why being fully yourself is still the bravest announcement a woman can make. Plus, Taylor and Britani dream up a Bravo cabaret tour, unpack the phrase “What About Me?” and discuss the value of calling a friend before Andy Cohen does.

🎟️ Hang w/ us: https://54below.org/events/britani-bateman-what-about-me/

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Back by actual popular demand, Dave Cruise returns after a clip from his first appearance racked up six million views and sent the internet into an adoption-fueled identity crisis. This time, Taylor learns why Dave was originally named Matt, questions whether he has the right to call himself David, and introduces LeBron, the new family fish named in honor of her deeply questionable basketball knowledge. From Sugar Ray Cameos and an irrational distrust of Australians to wrong names during sex, secret penthouses, unpaid gym memberships, weaponized DSW rewards, and Taylor’s lingering reign as the face of QVC Careers, the conversation goes exactly where it should not. It is petty, wildly incriminating, and further proof that Taylor and Dave should never be left alone with microphones.

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Dave Cruise is back, and after his adoption story reached more than 5 million viewers, Taylor decides it is finally time to test his DNA. They decode Steven Singer’s BDE billboards, investigate why Dave cannot remove a T-shirt without destroying it and revisit Taylor’s almost-career in mortuary science. Plus, Taylor gets blocked by a White Claw executive, allegedly, and continues her quest for the show’s next cease and desist. DNA, BDE and RIP. What could possibly go wrong?

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Taylor is technically on vacation, but depriving the gremlins of her voice would be cruel. In this completely unedited bonus episode, she investigates the internet’s most niche red flags, defends women against the tyranny of male Snapchat users, and explains why Virginia is no longer for lovers. She also spirals over masseter Botox, being heard but never actually listened to, betraying her favorite cow for a Smashburger, and whether her psychiatrist wants her and the dogs on matching medication. Then, in a plot twist absolutely no one could predict, Joe Exotic slides into her DMs from prison and asks to come on the podcast. Legal said no. Taylor said allegedly.

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